Hey guys. I have been coming around these boards on and off for years. I have tried quitting drinking cold turkey a million times and it hasn't worked a million times. I finally decided to do something different and so last Tuesday I went to my first meeting. Actually it was my second, I went to a meeting about 5 years ago but never went back.

So last Tuesday I was at home drinking just like any other day. My wife and I had had a big fight the day before about my drinking because I had left some empties lying around. Instead of stopping for a few days like I normally would do after one of our fights, I went right back at it the next day. So I was sitting there drunk at about 5 pm and I decided I needed to go to a meeting. I looked up online and found that there was a meeting not too far from me at 6. I went to the meeting and listened to the stories people told and I even got up and spoke, which I hate to do. Some of the people had stories that I could really relate to and others had stories that made me think I hope I never get as bad as them. After the meeting a few of the others came and talked to me and one guy took my number so he could call me. It was a good meeting but wouldn't you know that after I left that meeting I went straight to the store for more booze..

I have been going to meetings for 8 straight days now. Six of those days I have been drunk before going to the meeting and drank more after. At the end of every meeting we say a prayer and then say "Keep coming back. It works." But it seems to me it is not working. Maybe it will take more time. Maybe I am not trying. At last night's meeting the guy that was leading the discussion made a comment that he had seen all different kinds of people in AA and that some people are just not capable of being honest with themselves and may be beyond help. It worries me that maybe that is true for me. Because no matter how many times I vow to stop, I am right back at it again.