Alcoholism Support Group

Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.

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Disgusted with myself

Taradactyl
Taradactyl
I was a mess this past weekend. I want to apologize to everyone here. I mean it. It is so wrong and selfish of me to be posting the crap I post when drinking. You won't see that anymore. I have had enough of myself. Can't stand me. I am done drinking. No more pity pot.

90 mtgs in 90 days
on my knees every morning and night
if my sponsor tells me to eat my own shit, i will eat my own shit if it will keep me sober.

I hope I can earn back your respect. I am going to do whatever I have to do to stay sober, and I am going to be kind and respectful to the best of my ability from this point on. I need the support here on DS and I am grateful to have had it. I am sorry to have abused it so horribly.

Anna
deleted_user
deleted_user
That would be awesome to travel in an RV, I think the first place I would go is lake powell. Don't be disgusted with yourself, hell we all do it from time to time forgive yourself and move on, you said some good things, so remember the good things you do also.
Rick8
Rick8
I think anyone who gets out of hand drunk or not owes an apology. I hope if I do an apology is expected. It''s called doing what's right to acknowledge your actions and ask for forgiveness. If it keeps on happening that apology loses effectiveness. When I was drunk and made an ass of myself, I apologized to the people because that's what people do when out of line. It didn't matter if I knew the person I was out of line with. Bottom line, if I was out of line I apologize.
Taradactyl
Taradactyl
Chris,
I get it. I know. I've had my fair share of reemings too. I am apologizing because I'm sorry, albeit maybe there is a selfish motive there to feel better about myself by apologizing. Guess what though? I feel better about myself having apologized. I also feel better to get the support. I also needed to hear what Compost said and what you said and what jstorch said. I thought about NOT posting this because what if I do drink again? How many times can I stand up after falling down? How many times can I show my face again after causing myself so much shame? I got nothing on anyone. I am no different and no better. I will do this broken record shit, likely with more humility each time, until it fuckin sticks, until I get some quality recovery time, until I figure it out. Anything else would be my pride getting in the way. I HAVE made a decsion, as I said, to be kind and respectful. I am getting better at taking the criticism. I am actually growing from all this even as many times as I have looked like an ass.

It's ok what anyone thinks. I am going to get better and this will all be past tense and 20/20 hindsight.

Peace.
Taradactyl
Taradactyl
Believe it or not, those people who know me know how heavily it weighs on me to have upset someone else. Yeah, I know right? I mean I am sorry every time I say it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Rick, I get what you are saying. I try to apologize to people when I'm out-of-line, as well. I would hope that people would have the same values in asking for forgiveness for being "out of hand." I admire those that do apologize, like Anna is doing on this thread.

Out of hand, though is big pool with a lot of different views. My idea of "out of hand" is someone who puts their hand through a window in a drunken rage. Someone else might consider tripping over a gum wrapper "out of hand."

I guess I should have said, "howtolive doesn't owe me an apology." She didn't hurt me or offend me in any way. This may not be the case for everyone.