Its not so much a aP as it is ploy to only let certain people see this part or that ,given emotionally what you need or want.....its like the Price is right ..whats really behind door 1 ,2 or3 given the dynamics your personality and emotional life needs as a pay off to be heard , be it right, wrong or indifferent that's where the golden nuggets lie .....Keep Coming Back:) that's what I've found anyway. the secret is to be open to seeing it or it could drag on for years and years even sober!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMeAwKO8dd8

Some are controlling and selfish and some are not, it depends upon the individuals personality and has nothing to do with alcoholism. I feel the same way about spirituality .

Many people are selfish and controlling, not just alcoholics. In AA, they teach you to treat these other folks like you would any sick person.

I have found that to be so true. The people in my life are just as sick as I am, even if they have not been able to become addicted to alcohol.

I find the me as a drunk to be selfish and I've at times tried to be controlling.. Of my own life at the very least..That's a joke! Ha! Other than that I'm great! Well I have been told anyway. Just not so nice drunk! Drunks don't typically care about others when drinking. At that moment drinking is all that matters, even if we pretend it's not....I think that is where that came from.. Could be wrong though.T

When I was in the throes of my addiction I was very manipulative. When I stopped it took awhile to unlearn my manipulative behaviors and for my true personality to continually increase to reassert itself.

There is no common alcoholic personality, but there is the common behavior of being manipulative that manifests itself in a variety ways when someone is actively addicted. I.E. One may use tears, another intimidation to manipulate those around them.

Manipulation and sleight of hand...plenty goes on here as much as anywhere else...it's a fact of life :)

Drinking alcoholics tend to live a balancing act...how do you keep this person off your back, this person onside, get this, keep this, turn the sympathy button on, deflect attention etc etc Can be a hard habit to shake in my experience :)

Not a case of nice people and nasty people, just a sustained effort to see what tricks IM getting up too, even when I think I'm being terrribly nice :)

P

Wait a minute......selfish and CONTROLLING? I must say that's a new one. What AA literature did you read that out of? LOL!

Attention seeking much Fuzzy? There, I threw you a Scooby snack, Now behave!

Selfishness, self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self, which later placed us in a position to be hurt. So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. ~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, How It Works, pg. 62

Ok ,,your a nice guy ,,so what brings you here?

I'm here to help.

I still don't see the word controlling anywhere but thanks. Excellent reading!.

"But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends,
and society at large that many of us have suffered the most.
We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them.
The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability
to form a true partnership with another human being.
Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist
upon dominating the people we know, or we depend upon
them far too much. If we lean too heavily on people, they
will sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too, and cannot
possibly meet our incessant demands. In this way our
insecurity grows and festers. When we habitually try to manipulate
others to our own willful desires, they revolt, and
resist us heavily. Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of
persecution, and a desire to retaliate. As we redouble our efforts
at control, and continue to fail, our suffering becomes
acute and constant. We have not once sought to be one in a
family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among
workers, to be a useful member of society. Always we tried
to struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it.
This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relation
with any one of those about us. Of true brotherhood we had
small comprehension." ~Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, pg 53

Another excellent section of our literature.

I think the paragraph talks about attempt to control one's self.

I see you are familiar with AA. I'm sorry you are no longer interested in the solution AA offers.

Lots of new people here. Can you speak to what's worked for you?

Im not sure what the twelve steps has to do with anyone deciding they are going to drink ,,its your choice and my choice ,,, so ,,,, I guess ,,, this entire controling thing is this ,,, you control you ,step up to the plate and fix it.

I believe that it is possible to still behave like an alcoholic even if it has been years since that last drink. The booze just made those feelings go away, remove the booze, and something still must be done to deal with the alcoholic.

Alcohol is but just a symptom.

1-2