So go back and pick someone else. Thing is I just didn't know what I didn't know and a sponsor helped me to identify my reasons why I needed to drink.
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My suggestion is to find someone who "has what you want" and ask that person to be your sponsor. Ideally, women should sponsor women; men sponsor men.

I have yet to find in the Big Book any reference to "worksheets" and "homework". The only "worksheet" I used during the completion of the 12 steps was a sheet of paper containing three columns on which I worked my 4th and 5th step. Many AAer's seem to incorporate "rehab recovery" worksheets and exercises into the AA 12 Steps. That may be helpful for some, I suppose, but I'm a product of old school AA. And that has worked for me for some 12-13 years.

The role of a sponsor is to guide you through the steps. Not a babysitter, not a marriage counselor or financial manager. It looks like you are going at the sponsor thing the correct way. Just find someone who has the sobriety you want and ask them what they did to get there. Good luck.

Find a non AA group

Hello Kcauley,

As with anywhere else in life, you will find plenty of misguided people in AA so it is wise to apply common sense to each situation.

The woman you mentioned probably means well but that doesn’t mean that you have to have her as a sponsor. The best advice I have heard is not to look for a sponsor but to listen for one. It is a good idea to go to different meetings and to listen to women who have the sort of sobriety that you would like to have and that is where you will find the best sponsor.

Unfortunately, the “rehab recovery” that Cora_Belle has referred to has become quite common and is often far removed from what the Big Book suggests. Some people get sponsees to write pages upon pages of a life story but that is not part of the suggested AA programme. Worksheets, DVDs, YouTube etc. do have their place and can be a great aid to recovery, as long as they stick closely to what is in the Big Book.

The role of a sponsor is simple – it is to guide a sponsee through the Twelve Steps. A sponsor can be a friend, someone you meet for coffee, a person you share hobbies with etc. but all of those things are secondary to the role of bringing a sponsee through the Steps. I maintain that a good sponsor should always be fired at the end of the process as a sponsee should by that time have their dependence on a higher power and the principles that they have learned through the Steps.

Do not let this minor setback put you off from going back to AA and getting a sponsor as there is so much that you can gain. Also, be careful about people who have a fixation with running down AA as their ulterior motives could cause you to miss a great opportunity.

It took me over a month to get a sponser. I had asked several people but was turned down. As it turned out, I went to a different meeting and someone after the meeting offered to sponser me and he turned out to be an excellent sponser! I really learned alot from him but I didn't always do everything he suggested I do and I appreciated that he was flexible. I would find a different sponser if I were you. Being a sponser is time consuming so don't take it personally if you get turned down.

God Bless

Exactly what Core Belle said. You need to let the room reveal itself to you.

When you see someone has gotten it together, maybe told a story that's similar to
Yours, or has a life that resembles yours (husband, kids, stay at home mom or maybe you're both CEOs) then you ask.

Too many people stick their noses in and don't belong. It's ok to tell this person no thanks.

HOWEVER, finding sobriety means taking direction. It also means doing it what it takes. My steps were several pages of writing each. The point is to think deep into everything that have you resentments and built up this mentality to drink. This includes the boy who knocked you off your bike, and the little girl that stole your Barbie, and he bigger girl that stole your boyfriend.

You need to really reveal everything that made you feel insecure or hurt or angry or sad. Only then will you be free of that stuff.

Sounds corny but there was a huge weight lifted off me when i did this.

Good luck.

For my first year, I had looked and looked for a sponsor, but nobody quite suited. After a year, I realized that the older lady I had been giving rides to several times a week was my sponsor in fact, and I laughingly shared that with her, and we both had a good laugh. We ended up having a 19-year relationship until she passed on. Always dear to my heart.

When I worked my 4th and 5th step I was given a worksheet to help me do my fearless moral inventory. I found it helpful. I have been given homework by my sponsor several times. Each thing she asks me to do is to help me. That being said not all people are going to mesh so maybe if you're not comfortable with this person try another. Ultimately they are supposed to be a guide and support you as you go through the steps and be a support when you need it.