You can still care about him but care in a helpful and productive way. Alcoholics won't seek help until they have hit a "low" We have a saying in AA, "Nothing ever changes if nothing ever changes".

We get many posts from wives or husbands or partners of alcoholics which is a demonstration of how badly this disease affects family which is why alcoholism is listed as a family disease by the health care establishment. You can see what the alcohol is doing to your partner, but look at what his drinking is doing to YOU! You need alot of support for yourself and Alanon is a great place to find that support. You can google meetings in your area.

https://al-anon.org

We will keep you both in our thoughts and prayers.

God Bless

Hi Cammy. I was your partner and can relate to your story. My wife simply decided to carry on with her own life. She spent her time and energy becoming a better mom, sister, employee etc...and moved forward without me. She went to alanon. Made new friends and created her own support system. Eventually, I became terrified that she would move on and leave me behind. Her words eventually became background noise to me but her actions in moving forward without me forced me to really look at myself and I decided to get help. In short....you can't really do anything or say anything to "fix" him but you can work on yourself and your own peace and happiness. He might decide to join you.

Binge drinking is becoming a problem in most societies due to alcohol promotions in pubs and clubs and making it affordable. Some may forgive this gannet style of drinking if done in a social environment but from your post it indicates that your partner drinks alone and this is the worrying issue for me.
Drinking alone can be a sign of alcoholism and is often seen in conjunction with the inability to limit alcohol intake - 4 bottles of wine in one sitting is a lot of alcohol! These together with denial, lying, hiding and a change in behaviour are causes for concern.
You need to look out for yourself - you've been given some fabulous advice here and as the alcoholic I know only too well how the story goes...... Its only when we lose or are at risk of losing everything that we then want to help ourselves. Don't think that he doesn't love you I'm sure he does very very much its just that us alcoholics love the feeling that alcohol gives us very very much too and we become addicted to that feeling.,

The saying you need to be cruel to be kind was made for situations like this.

Good luck xx

I'm so sorry. You sound really concerned and from what you described, you have reason to be. I think that you have some good advice in the replies. I would add that honest communication is so important. Choose carefully the time when you bring it up so that he might be more apt to really hear you. It might also help if you talk to someone like a counselor or minister who can help walk you through this.

I kept drinking until the pain outweighed the pleasure. I would suggest not doing anything for him. dont do laundry, dishes, housework that should be on his side. Also I so much reccomend finding a support group for you

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/wives-of-alcoholics

Bottom line is the drinking WILL continue until he is ready. No words can change this. Alcohol IS a drug and the alcoholic needs to be treated more like an addict. We hate disapointment and need attention. Let him know that you are not going to accept this behavior and set boundries.

1is2many

Agree with 1is2.

Your 2 choices are to leave or accept it while getting help for yourself.

His disease is bigger than you or anything you say.

The hurt and frustration will not go away until you choose you, and he chooses to accept help. Surrender is the word that comes to mind. I am going through the same thing in my life. The gist of it, if you don't let go you will keep getting dragged. That is not to say all must be left behind forever. But you deserve to have respectful boundaries respected. Until you establish those boundaries and stick to them, as Bobinmaine stated, nothing ever changes if nothing ever changes.
Yes to Alanon, and keep coming back to this site. It personally has been tremendously helpful to me.