Alcoholism Support Group

Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.

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Checking in

FredrickShurmers
FredrickShurmers

I don't feel so good.  I must tell on myself if you all don't mind.  I haven't gone to a meeting, and had no interest in doing the Zoom meetings while the "pandemic" was keeping us all unable to.  


This is a reality, and I haven't been so interested in reading my book either.  My prayers are full of irritation, I have a resented thought process presently.  I took on a new job that has instigated new fears.  Parts of the job include me being less integrity driven than I would like to be. 


In summary, have not gone to a meeting in months, barely am reading my spiritual material, I can admit I am irritated, afraid, and could be better as a person.  I am relying on myself, but because I am forgetting that God is so powerful it is an option to rely on him more.  I know my resentment and fear are getting in the way of that.  I am not treating those defects by praying the right way and asking for the right things to be removed.  Again, the behavior is evidence that I could be doing much better. 


Now, the money standard.  Despite all the poor things I am doing spiritually, or to maintain a spirituality that is functional and important to wellness and the development of me treating others unselfishly, my income has grown and is on the uptick. 


I think it is safe to say I am more interested in money than staying sober at this point.  That is not good and I am not very motivated by how I've become.  My ego has great information that I am not to blame. 


I just need to say it out loud in public, and this a great place to do so, there is no excuse for me not geting off my ass and going to a meeting, or reading more when I have spare time, or calling my sponsor more, or being who God wants me to be, which is a member of Alcoholics Anonymous who participates. 


I have not been willing to participate during the "pandemic" and I just wanted to call myself out to others.  In hindsight I could have just gone to the meetings with a mask on, or I could have done the zoom meetings, and I just didn't want it bad enough.  I am resting on my laurels and can do better. 


Anyone else use the "pandemic" as an excuse to not work as hard at staying sober?    

RiSober
RiSober
All four of my weekly meetings are still Zoom meetings, although I hear that some of the younger people are meeting in person, some of the people masked, some not. The pandemic has made it harder for me to battle depression, and I "know" that alcohol will dull my pain. I am 11 1/2 years sober, so I continue to do repeated Step 1's...knowing that I am screwed if I pick up. Things are hard enough, but I would be totally suffering without my meetings. So, to answer your question, the pandemic is making me work harder, as I am afraid of drinking.
Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
That's actually quite common, the reason being, because we are humans and because we have an ego that's use to being loaded and wants more of the same. If I was craving a drink right now, I would go back to doing the kinds of things that kept me sober in the first place.

You're doing fine just forgive yourself and let go of all that guilt you are holding on to. I have a great prayer for that:

"""Take this from me and look upon it, judging it for me.
Let me not see it as a sign of sin and death, nor use it for destruction.
Teach me how NOT to make it an obstacle to Peace,
But let YOU use it for me, to facilitate it's coming"""

God Bless
FredrickShurmers
FredrickShurmers
Thanks for the responses. Thanks Bob, it was good to hear someone who sees me doing fine, and you're right, my ego has a hard time telling me so.

I was listening to another Bob, via speaker meeting recorded on YouTube, and he was discussing his ego and how it constantly has input within his mind that seeks to judge everything, including the self.

Surrendering his ego to his higher power was the suggestion. Quite frankly it becomes too exhausting not to do so the longer I remain sober. Have a great day and thanks again. ,
Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
Alot of what we know about how the ego tries to sabotage our sobriety comes directly from the work of Freud. I highly recommend the book, "My Ego, my Higher Power, and Me," by psychologist Jerry Hirschfield who also got sober with the help of the 12 steps. It really opened my mind.

God Bless
FredrickShurmers
FredrickShurmers
Interesting. I'll check that out. I'll also add the works of Freud into my recovery process. Thanks.
Shiney
Shiney
sending you love and support Fred, we are all here supporting you and listening to you x
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