Yes, this topic is old (see the date) but no matter because it is always worth discussion.

In Step 3 I made a decision to turn my life and my will over to the care of God and that's the path I chose to follow in sobriety.

That means that my life is on the path of seeking God's will by following spiritual principles. Life run my way (another way of expressing the bondage of self) always lead to the bottle one way or another. The root of my problem in active alcoholism is selfishness and self-centredness (yet another way of expressing the bondage of self).

So selfishness (in whatever way it tries to manifest) is what I try to grow away from on a daily basis by correcting actions and striving for spiritual growth with God's help.

how does self centeredness stem from fear? just would like more explaination

wow great topic and honest comments. I think that we can over think it. if we do something for someone and we feel better about ourselves and they feel better does it matter? but as said, we need to do a personal inventory about what we are doing good deeds for. care with the type of personality that thrives on people pleasing is indicated. I work in a walk in clinic and it is very trying and we get a very uneducated and deserving group of people seeking health care for things that could be taken care of at home. so do I choose to be angry all day and hateful and resentful that I am working and they are using the system most of the time. or do I choose to show kindness and compassion realizing that they are people with a need and a concern that is real to them. believe me I feel better when I am compassionate and surrender to the situation. realizing that it is out of my control. sorry to ramble on so long but think it is a good example of doing good deeds and service.

Okay, I see this is a very old post but do love the comments. When I was first thinking about this I thought specifically about situations I've been in where I felt like someone was rude or didn't observe something so noticeable. I know makes me self centered.. Lol.. However I think that just goes back to the old golden or maybe platinum rule., Ex. You see someone standing in line behind you at the grocery store with 2 items to your 60 and they appear to be in a hurry or have kids acting up.. Do you let them go first? It also made me think of the old thought process everyone should be expected to work with the public at some point in their life and maybe volunteer with those less fortunate.. You get so much from life's experiences! It is truly everywhere you look.. Does it make you feel good and is that self centered I don't know..but in my book if it is self centered its a better self centered way to live..:)

Hi sassy, re your question on how does self-centredness stem from fear. I understand it from the point of view that fear is the root of most negative emotions or actions and a primitive survival instinct also. In self-centredness a person is fearful of being usurped or being inconvenienced or having to do something they don't want to do.

Self-centredness and resentment are based in fear by perceiving a threat of some kind to a person's sense of how they would like to have things. Probably why "change" is often viewed with suspicion in general.

So the people pleasing you mention might not be as simple as "a nice person who can't say no" it might be self-centredness hiding a bad motive behind a good one through fear of not being liked or approved of or fear of losing a job (trying to appear willing at any cost while building up silent resentment) or trying to manipulate outcomes to suit one's self.

That's just how I understand it anyway.

I had not heard this term before, but I think I recognize it anyway. I think it is one of the things I used alcohol to get away from, because being painfully self conscious is...painful.

Two (healthy) things that I can do that reliably shuts down this tendency, albeit temporarily: 1) I ride horses, though I think spending time with animals is therapeutic in general. 2) If I know something, I try to teach it to others.

No, I don't mean forcing it upon others (as in the example of the AA evangelist in an earlier reply). I'm talking about things like academic tutoring, coaching athletics, or art instruction. May or may not be your cup of tea, but I actually think it can be a lot of fun to watch someone have that "lightbulb" moment (where they suddenly figure out something they thought impossible).