I think me, the co-dependent has to be very careful with the intentions of our servies. We love to please

Right-o, Chris. We also love to show off.

I dunno. I just want to be able to do good and feel like I am making a difference.

There is one part of me that just won't bother picking up someone else's trash.

Another part of me feels like I have to stay focused on taking care of me.

Another part is afraid that if I do good once for someone, will they cling to me and expect it again.

Another part is afraid that whatever I do won't be good enough.

Another part worries it will appear as manipulative or for my own purposes.

It all mostly boils down to, NOT being selfish makes me feel vulnerable. And NOT allowing myself to be vulnerable is me trying to stay in control. It just feels like I have to let go a little but just afraid to take the leap of faith.

Thanks all.

Why do you want to pick something small? Why not get involved in a bigger project, like say, Habitat for Humanity?

I stepped out of my comfort zone in the past year, got involved in some larger and longer term service projects and it's been really good.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't look for opportunities to help others on a daily basis, but if you want to shift where you are in your life, consider taking a bigger step.

Scary part for me, is I never thought I was selfish

Nemo:

Oh, yea. How could I forget that?

Just take the leap of faith and stop worrying about what you're gonna get out of it or not get out of it (self). The whole point is getting away from that and doing for others for the sake of doing it for others. When that happens, there's no worry attached to it. It just feels good to do it.

Keep seeking. :-)

"center" can not be explained to you.....it is found. just my thoughts....noticing opportunities? for who? self? or others that cross your path?

i have always believed that center is found when one can accept personal faults and turn them into a positive and act upon the choice.

i agree that picking something small everyday is a good thing.

always dig deep to grab the prize in the cereal box. :)

peace, nods and whispers.......lew

Anna, I know what you mean when you say you have been doing for others for years. When you have children and a husband you have the role of care giver for all. It just falls to the woman in our culture. So I feel like I have not been so selfish even though I am an alcoholic. It's very confusing.

If we start working with others outside the home that will take away from our families. That in itself seems selfish. So what do you do?

OOps. My bad!

Tara, when I'm helping another, whether alcoholic or normie, I'm thinking about the person I'm helping instead of me,me,me. I always feel better in the long run. Not that I do it to benefit me, it just happens.

Somewhere along the line, I genuinely began caring about other human beings and working towards fitting myself to be of maximum service to God and my "fellows". I accomplish that by living the 12 Steps and spiritual principles in my everyday life. I also sponsor 3 women, am the secretary for a meeting and am on the steering committee at my home group. I'm not on the fence in AA; I'm all the way in.

Could you possibly be overthinking this?

In the prayer we ask God (or HP) to relieve us of the bondage of self. Therefore, we are understanding that we cannot do this by ourselves. As we move through the steps, we will continue to grow spiritually and subsequently experience a spiritual awakening. Then we have the task of trying to maintain fit spiritual condition.

In order that I do that I work with sponsees, 12th step mewcomers, am active in my church, I am a good parent and grandparent, I am able to love much more fully than I ever have before. I feel closer to God than I have ever felt and so on and so forth ...

Anna, it's sometimes as simple as saying 'no, you first my friend'. And yep, it does take practice.

I can answer from my own experience exactly what I did to get off myself and recover. As soon as I woke up, I prayed, wrote a gratitude list, read from the big book, Read my Just for Today card, As the day wore on, I called two newcomers at my earliest convenience, Called my sponsor at an agreed time, Prayed for the success and happiness of anyone who annoyed me. If I went to a meeting that day, I would get there early, help set up and be of service. The MOST IMPORTANT thing for me though was that I had a sponsor who had a firm foundation in the steps. Without him, none of the above would mean anything, because he knew how to tweak what I was doing depending on how my pride and self cent-redness played out. e.g. I used to approach and call newcomers that were dressed well or who I could imagine myself hanging out with, and that's when my sponsor suggested I should reach out to those who I normally wouldn't talk to. There's so much more but words are not enough to describe exactly what happened. I wish you luck

Great topic. Can't wait to read other replies. For me it was n is paradoxical. Before I could give myself fully (still learning n always will) I had to become very selfish. Meaning my priority is to concentrate on my own self n sobriety. I had to go through the hell I created n sit in my shit. Still being selfish now. But I know selflessness will come in due time.