Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I am a young, intelligent. smart, silly, lovable single mother and college student. I am successful in just about every aspect of my life I put my mind to. I have been able to go months without drinking without a desire to sip even a little bit. I used to drink if not everyday then every other day. I would black out drink a few times a week. I stopped when I started college. I have "calmed" myself to only drinking 1-2 times a month and usually I can control myself and only have a few drinks but if I have been having alot of arguments or really stressed with school I tend to drink... alot.. I become belligerent, slur arguments that don't even make sense, I almost always make an ass of myself, get hurt and end up ashamed and embarrassed for days later. I know the risks and potential danger I put myself in, and I know what others think of me should be the last thing I'm worried about, but why do I do this? I can hold myself up and together for so long and then I get blown down like a house of cards. I think all the thoughts of what everyone who saw me blacked out must be thinking is what destroys my self confidence the most. I become extremely promiscuous and I know if I continue this behavior I will put my class presidency in jeopardy, there may be videos of me posted online, I will lose my creditably as a advice columnist for a female magazine I write for as well as being a music producer. I NEVER risk my son, he is always, always, always safe with my mom when I go out for a "night on the town" but I simply cant stay away... why is my will power for work ethic high and my determination on point for every aspect of my life but drinking? I know I should stay away from it point black, but it always creeps into my fridge, followed by cup, followed by liver. I want to be done with alcohol, I am done making an ass of myself... my best friends cousin saw me the other night and I was saying things that didn't even make sense in front of all his friends, and the worst part is they are involved with a rival music company... there goes my rep! again, I know this should be my last thoughts, getting better should be my priority but I worked to hard to get to where I am at... I just wish I wasn't such a slob when I drink!!!!!! help!
It's pretty obvious you've got to stop 100% for good. You'll never be able to manage or control it. And I think that thinking about your career and relationships with friends is a very good reason to stop. We all care what others think, and I feel that's because what they think is a reflection of our own feelings. You gotta get a plan of action to get and stay sober: for you, your son, your mom, your friends, your career and reputation. Snds like you haven't done so much that you couldn't reverse. Quit now before you dig a deeper hole! Hugs!
Are you asking for advic e on how to quit or are you asking how you can do it without all that bad stuff happening?
If you are an alcoholic you will, one day put that beautiful boy of yours into mortal danger, no matter how much you love him.
It is only a matter of time before you do something that will put your son at risk. Like get yourself dead or in jail after doing something stupid during a blackout.
Your solution is the same we have found. Don't pick up that first drink. Because eventually it will kill you...
Take care,
Dennis
I finally figured out that drinking just didn't work for me. But my that time, my drinking had become an obsession to me, something I had to do. I had a compulsion to drink, regardless of the consequences.
I found AA and a way to sobriety. I no longer have to control my drinking or drinking behavior because I just don't drink. Period.
BTW, I drink iced tea with the manners of Queen Elizabeth, quite the lady now.
No....they don't.
Your drinking, just like mine was, is extremely dangerous. The "yets' such as dui, losing a job, losing family and friends, killing someone, diseases, sexual assault may not have happened to you...yet....
When a person is in blackout mode, these things do happen because you are totally incapacitated and cannot make safe decisions.
Shame is what motivated me to quit. I was disgusted with myself for repeating that same damn cycle over and over. Took me years to figure out that they only way I could trust myself not to blackout was to not drink. I tried every way I could think of to drink responsibly....and sometimes it would work for a time or two...and then Id eventually have the blackout blowout.
I am grateful Youtube wasnt around when I was still drinking, being in the local newspaper for multiple car wrecks was enough embarassment.
Love yourself aand give quitting a go......theres nothing to fear and so much to gain.
And you're mystified by your lack of control and the things you do when drunk, wondering why it's you that has this difficulty when most others don't seem to have any problem staying within the lines.
Oh, there's an explaination for all that but it's one you won't enjoy admitting to yourself is so.
If you're not ready to consider that which explains you, then try really, really hard to do better, or to even see if you can stop for some months or a year. None of that changes anything for those with our shared condition but we are universally loathe to take the blinders off. We spend a lot of time trying very hard to not acknowledge the obvious.
You may or may not do that soon, the sharp ones among us often do before they turn 20 but some like myself need to experience the drinking life a little longer. Some wait until their 30s or later in life.
So you can do something now or later, a timeframe that only effects you, those who care about you and those innocents you may harm along the way.
On your next morning of regret remember it's this way until you can remain stopped, and will always resume if you start up again. You won't magically become a non-problem drinker at any point in your lifetime. Nothing heals up in the area of our physical response to ingesting alcohol. Not with time sober, not through intentions.
If you're able to stay stopped your son will have a sober mother instead of enduring the problems you'll bring to his life with no more intent than the problems you've brought to yours so far, but with an unimaginable increase in the guilt you've experienced to this point.
Hope you're able to decide this for yourself sooner than later.
Your post describes the insanity of alcoholism very well. Alcoholics are often smart and intelligent people who can excel at what they do and they are completely sane in all areas of life, except where alcohol is concerned. In this one area they suffer from a form of insanity.
The insanity leaves an alcoholic defenceless against the thinking that leads to the first drink. All thoughts about the disasters that drinking brought about in the past are cast to the back of the mind and we think that it will be different this time, which of course it never is. Repeating this cycle over and over may be described as a form of insanity.
When the heat is on and the mess gets big enough, a decision is made to stop drinking. Depending on how strong the persons willpower is, there may be a short or a long period of sobriety. I know alcoholics who go for nine months without a drink but boy do they make up for lost time once they start? Except for a very small number of people who are exceptions to the rule, the alcoholic will drink again. The obsession for alcohol is still running in the background whether an alcoholic is drinking or not. Again, you have described very well what happens to most alcoholics when you mention arguments or stress leading to drinking. This is where the balance is tipped in favour of the obsession at the expense of willpower.
The solution to the problem is to find some means of removing the mental obsession. There are probably several ways of doing that successfully but one that works for sure is the Twelve Step programme of Alcoholics Anonymous.
The experience of countless drinkers is that it gets progressively worse. You say that you never put your son at risk but one of the things that we are very good at as alcoholics is conning ourselves we become selective about what we see or admit about ourselves. If you continue to drink it will get worse much worse. Do yourself and your son a huge favour and go to AA.
From: "Chapter One"
With the onset of depression, his academic performance dropped. The upshot was that I failed German and, for that reason, could not graduate. Here I was, president of my senior class and they wouldn't give me a diploma! My mother arrived, extremely angry, from Boston. A stormy scene took place in the principal's office. Still, I didn't get that diploma.
He failed to graduate with his class (although school records now list him with the group). Following a summer of agonizing depression, he went to live with his mother near Boston and completed makeup work that qualified him for college.
What had caused Bill to change from high achiever to a helpless depressive? As he saw it, the major problem was the he could no longer be Number One. I could not be anybody at all. I could not win, because the adversary was death. So my life, I thought, had ended then and there.
1984, AAWS, Inc., Pass It On The story of Bill Wilson and how the AA message reached the world, pages 36-37
Alcoho lis poison to me
Dont take the 1st drink for its after that you are then powerless
Being sober is my number #1 priority for without, I lose everything.
I dont care about what others think about my decision to not drink, I care about myself more
The only way to not be ashamed of myself anymore is to not drink
You probably wont want to hear this, but your life will probably have to dramatically change, in the AA rooms we call it changing people, places and things. Who you think are your "real" friends now, may in actuality be only drinking buds, once that alcohol denominator is removed, theres usually little left of the "friendship" A true friend will support your decision, not try to coerce you into thinking you can drink or that you dont have a problem. You will find out if you have any real friends.
Think of it as starting over
A fresh new life on the horizon free of blackouts, shame, embarassment, fights, stupidity, addholedness, sluttiness, caelessness, and any other words that come to mind.
Check out if theres any "young" AA meetings in your area. I would strongly encourage a womans meeting also. In AA men stick with men, women should stick with women.....until you can find your feet.
I quit when I was 36 and it was the best thing I've ever done for myself ......my one and only regret is that I didn't do it sooner.
In order to deal with situations where there are people drinking around you, there are short term and long term solutions required.
In the short term you may have to try to avoid being among such people as much as possible where that is feasible. Get hold of a copy of a little book called Living Sober which is full of simple tips on how to deal with early sobriety. You can buy the book at AA meetings, directly from AA General Service Office or on Amazon. At this stage you need to put sobriety above everything else and that will mean having to make some changes so that you can avoid being put in danger. Remember that you are dealing with a deadly illness which can rob you of everything, including life itself.
You cannot of course go through life avoiding people just because they take a drink but thankfully there is a long term solution which solves this problem. Many people who go to AA just go to meetings and they expect to fix the alcohol problem in that way. However, it is recognised in AA that drinking is but a symptom of other things that are out of tune in peoples lives and therefore it is necessary to look at the causes in order to recover from the problem. The Twelve Step programme has been developed in order to address this problem. It is recognised that sanity must be restored so that the insane thinking which leads to the first drink is changed and the obsession for alcohol is removed. Somewhere along the way, usually by Step 10 that obsession is gone and the attitude to alcohol changes. The Big Book gives a set of promises (Step 10 Promises, pages 84 and 85) that describe this new attitude to alcohol. Once you achieve that state of mind you will no longer be afraid to be among people who drink.
@pg54! Thank you soo much for taking the time to explain different ways that AA works. You actually have me excited to jump in and begin my "new me" and a new, healthier lifestyle. You are very helpful and inspiring. xoxo