Hi all! I have 29 months of sobriety to inspire me to look deeper at what the hell happened to make me fall into such a deep rut during those 12 years of drinking. When I say inspire what I really mean is that it is giving me courage to look. Until recently I have been in a sort of shell shock from all the pain I caused myself. The recovery has been slow and steady and I have reached a place of solid ground. 
  The solidness is the result of being ok with who I am. I've been running from this place of peace in myself and I am beginning to understand why. I was afraid of being alone with myself. I had made my life so serious and complicated that everything seemed to big to manage. 
  It's the simple things that I hold dear now and that is changing everything. 
  Example: I have an exercise/yoga routine I do everyday. When I first started it was with the intention of getting my body back in shape. As I got stronger some ego came in and there was intention of looking good. 
  Now it's evolving. My granddaughter made me this little smiley face window decoration that I focus on to keep my balance as I'm doing my free weight workout. So all I have in my mind is how good such a simple healthy activity can make me feel. That smile ends up on me as I feel that I am caring for myself. 
  It's all about feeling good. The simplest way to that is what works. I've contorted myself in the past to feel good in every unhealthy way imaginable. The truth was so obvious I missed it every time. 
  It breaks my heart how much we all suffer so needlessly searching for something to fill up the hole we think we have in us when it turns out the hole is causing by all the searching. 
  There's a little stream I stop at on my walk to take some breaths and remind myself that this moment is perfect just the way it is. What else could I possibly want to add? 
  I hope you're all taking some time at your place of peace to remember too.