Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
My brother is not a criminal, he is an alcoholic who is now in jail in Alabama over domestic dispute with his separated wife (who has a boyfriend), public intox, resisting arrest... He needs $1500 to be bailed out, but no one has the money.
Our father did not pay rent to make a car payment for him ($500/mnth car) while he looked for work in MI where we live. He also supported his habit when he first moved back here after his wife kicked him out over drinking and he had no where to go. At $10-$15 a day for vodka/beer it was over $300 for the first month alone.
My brother works as a bartender, in his 30's, has two autistic children he loves, and manages to keep a job down while drinking nightly to the point of falling over. He talked my father into taking a loan from the bank to return to AL for his children, temporarily live w ex, then get a place of his own and pay loan back w taxes.... until...
*Sigh*
So now we're behind on rent (I live w my father, also my husband and 2 kids, a MIL, and another guy... don't ask...) My husband works but makes little on minimum wage, I'm trying to pay to take state boards for nursing but also have lost money to "helping" my brother. The plan was to get a vehicle for husband w taxes as we're down to one ride, now electric bill one month is $800, then my father's car just died yesterday (engine and trans!).... so he is without trans also now.
So here goes... do we wipe out our taxes and bail him out as he will be stuck in there til March 31 and would mean car repossession/job loss and emerging with no where to live, nothing to even drive, no source of income, and stuck in litigation so he can't leave state. It occurs to us it may be a blessing for him to dry out for 6 weeks as he is not able on his own, he does drink and drive frequently but has not been caught and is not currently charged w that. The flip side is he could be so depressed, his credit would be toast, he'd be homeless and broke, that he may spiral even further or kill himself.
Any advice? Any experience with effectiveness of the "system" actually forcing a change or saving one from themselves?
Our father did not pay rent to make a car payment for him ($500/mnth car) while he looked for work in MI where we live. He also supported his habit when he first moved back here after his wife kicked him out over drinking and he had no where to go. At $10-$15 a day for vodka/beer it was over $300 for the first month alone.
My brother works as a bartender, in his 30's, has two autistic children he loves, and manages to keep a job down while drinking nightly to the point of falling over. He talked my father into taking a loan from the bank to return to AL for his children, temporarily live w ex, then get a place of his own and pay loan back w taxes.... until...
*Sigh*
So now we're behind on rent (I live w my father, also my husband and 2 kids, a MIL, and another guy... don't ask...) My husband works but makes little on minimum wage, I'm trying to pay to take state boards for nursing but also have lost money to "helping" my brother. The plan was to get a vehicle for husband w taxes as we're down to one ride, now electric bill one month is $800, then my father's car just died yesterday (engine and trans!).... so he is without trans also now.
So here goes... do we wipe out our taxes and bail him out as he will be stuck in there til March 31 and would mean car repossession/job loss and emerging with no where to live, nothing to even drive, no source of income, and stuck in litigation so he can't leave state. It occurs to us it may be a blessing for him to dry out for 6 weeks as he is not able on his own, he does drink and drive frequently but has not been caught and is not currently charged w that. The flip side is he could be so depressed, his credit would be toast, he'd be homeless and broke, that he may spiral even further or kill himself.
Any advice? Any experience with effectiveness of the "system" actually forcing a change or saving one from themselves?
I would suggest you go to Al-Anon meetings, there you will meet other relatives of alcoholics who have a wealth of experience to share on how they dealt with various situations and their outcomes. Look after yourself.
She has been a heroin addict for 12 years. She 10 years younger than me. For the first several years of her addiction. She called frequently but only when she needed money (rent, utilities, car payment). I was so afraid something bad would happen to her if she was on the street.
Finally, I realized I was the enabler. I stopped paying her bills and bailing her out. Guess what? She figured out how to sink or swim.
It's a hard decision to make. I hope you find peace in yours.
This sounds complicated but its not. Just stop doing what you are doing. As JustBeth said essentially, we fail as rehab or interventionists oursleves. We have to admit our powerlessness over not just booze (if we are alcoholic) but of people and places and things too.
So let go. Give up. Go to Alanon.
Hugs,
Dennis
My only advice is I think you will know the next right thing if you just examine all the alternatives. You'll know when it is right to make some changes, and think about the long term outcomes! T