I think I am in a similar position as you are-it's really hard. I am so serious about wanting to quit drinking for good, and really have been trying-it has been taking up most of my thoughts for months now. I do good for a while (although my "good for a while" has never made it to 5 months until I slip and have a couple causal ones, then do it more and more often, then have to force myself back on track by 100% cutting it out again-so congratulations with that!!!). I try to remind myself that I am not missing out on anything by not drinking, but sometimes when i'm around it socially it's really hard-I start to let my ocd and anxiety get the best of me with thinking i'm missing out on something by not drinking, and then I have the drink just to not have the anxiety about not having it. Then that is followed up by the guilt...it's horrible. And that makes it easier to continue with my bad habit. I would love to just not be around it until I feel confident, but it's really hard when it feels like all of your loved ones and friends are such social drinkers. I feel like I should be strong enough to be around it without caving. I also was not a fan of AA when I went, I know people suggest it with the best intentions, and I think it is a wonderful program, I just felt so uncomfortable there...I think i'm going to try to write down the reasons that I enjoy NOT drinking, so when i'm having that moment of anxiety and on the edge, I can repeat to myself over and over why not having that first drink is the best thing for me...hopefully it'll hammer it into my head. Anyway, sorry for my vent on your post! I wish I knew of something that I could say to help, but I really am hoping you feel better and am sending many positive thoughts your way!

thank you sooo much! that was the best reply ever!! i have 2 journals already with everything i feel.. still seems not enough.. esp when i'm trying to hide from everything.. i think my next step is going to seek a therapist.. maybe i can figure out my depression/alcoholism.. i hope the same with you! i'd love to keep contact

Hello Ivory227,

It can be a hard and lonely job fighting alcoholism on your own and one that I failed at completely. Like you, I didn’t like AA – no, in fact, I hated AA even though I had never been to a meeting. I imagined that AA was everything that I disliked and disagreed with. Desperation however is a great persuader and when the hell of drinking got bad enough, I went to a meeting. To my surprise, nobody at AA tried to convert me to anything. It was entirely up to me and the exit doors were never locked.

Try a few meetings or talk to a counsellor but either way, get help. Social events are not the cause of your drinking – it’s alcoholism and an active alcoholic will always find a reason to drink. How badly do you want sobriety and are you willing to go to any lengths to get it? Do you want to get sober to please other people or are you ready to do it for yourself?

haha you put that perfectly.. PJ54 .. i guess i'm still wavering between denial and reality

Denial is a river in Egypt and the harsh reality is that alcoholism kills people. I know, because I have been to many funerals, including the funerals of four women who were far too young to die. Don’t wait too long to decide on what you want to do or it could be too late.

The flip side of the story is that you can have an incredible life without alcohol.

If you are struggling so much - have you thought of meds to take away the craving. I have see some on here name them. I am on another forum and the guys on there have had very very good results.

I personally am still doing ok by having one small glass of wine a night, after having reached 1-2 bottles. But the TSM method is my holding partner, not yet gone for it as doing ok, but when you are desperate to save your life, it is a lifeline from what I am reading. If you want to know more, pls PM me. I don't want to appear rude on DS. But when the stakes are down, you just got to do it.
Hugs to you and know how you feel - awful aint it.

p.s. You know how people with a peanut allergy can go into anaphalectic shock - well I wish it would happen with alcohol, for me anyway.

I was good at quitting but I could never stay quit for any period of time. I needed the relief that alcohol provided in order to cope. I had convinced myself that I HAD to have it. Well i will say that is not what I think today. I found that in order to be happy and sober I had to find something that replaced my booze. it is possible, cmon you can do it!
1is2many

I quit right in the middle of the holiday season last year. I did slip a few times until I started AA at the end of Jan. One thing I have realized since then is there is always an excuse to drink. I drank when sad, when I was celebrating, when I was stressed, when I wanted to relax and on and on and on.... I finally realized I can not have just one drink, there will never be that for me. I do get jealous sometimes that I can't be a healthy drinker. I am still processing that at 9 months sober. As of right now it is mostly in my own head that I am not included when there is drinking around. I have been assured a sober me is just as fun as the drinking me, and plus side is I remember everything and no hangovers to deal with. Best of luck to you.

I hope you (and me) find the answer what to do with our lives when we get sober....how to be happy without it! I'm still searching for the elusive answer. I need to get much more life lessons, despite being middle age. I hope (know?) there is something inside me that I still cannot dig out, damn it. Sliding back into the entrenched ways is the easiest way. I know I need to WORK for it, I guess I am lasy, but I think this is the answer. Anyone with the answer?

my therapist said it is not the drinking but the underlying unresolved trauma I believe that, I went to AA for years , many people who shared of trauma in childhood etc would come and go, I have had a long journey but I am here I have ptsd related to rape and it has been 12 years now in my senior years I have a great trauma therapist , it is finally lifting my need to self medicate , all of us need different things to recover , I encourage you to do what is right for you, there is not a one size fits all , sending safe hugs and support,,

The first thing I had to do when I left an outpatient treatment program was to get rid of all my drinking buddies and I can't say it was enjoyable. It was a necessary thing to do so that I wouldn't be triggered to sabotage my new found sobriety. I had to want sobriety bad enough that I was willing to say goodbye to my older life and adopt a new way of thinking with better habits which was easy considering I had lost everything and couldn't get any lower. I hope you don't wait that long because I don't want you to experience the same hell that I did. It was horrible to say the least! I found many other things to do at the social level that didn't require me to be triggered by the presence of alcohol.

Good Luck and God Bless!

My parents were alcoholics and so was my ex, and I couldn't stand being around them when they drank. Talking to a counselor/therapist can help you deal with your feelings. AA is structured and have helped so many people who want to quit, but it's your choice. . You are an alcoholic - and most can't have just a little as you've shared. Find other social events that don't have alcohol. Or have a friend hold you accountable if they don't had a drinking problem if you attend an event with alcohol.