Bob, let your conscious be your guide I'm one to believe anything that's mind altering whatever it maybe that's not taken as directed is an issue.

Go out to make it count? That's up to you.

That's up to you, Bob, but it's like cutting off your nose to spite your face.

I know several people in my home group who haven't had a drink in 20+ years but that's not their sober date due to pain pill issues. What exactly are you afraid of? Giving up your 4.5 years?

Why don't you look at this as a positive and work your program differently so that won't happen again?

Bob Alcoholic thinking .. has many faces sober or in a state of utter Im fine thanks soberness . Like G said pick... apply yourself or walk on a tight wire and hope you do not fall... it starts with the mind and the body being at odds . Start fresh :)
Billy

Chris I'll tell you what I am afraid of! My future! The other day I lost my wife, my house, my car, and the wife lied in court by telling the judge she was seeking a divorce due to my drinking and I haven't had a drink in 4.5 years!

I got a little bit of money in an ira, but my wife made out like a bandit!

So my point is that she still labels me as an unrecovered alcoholic despite not having had a drink in so long and she never gives me any credit for how well I have done!

and thats the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me

Taking a white chip has nothing to do with throwing 4.5 years down the drain. I think you are just looking for an excuse to drink.

I abused pain pills and took a startover in AA for it. Then I did it again again and said "fuck it I may as well drink". Its easy to say that and really hard to pull to pull yourself back into recovery. Only a few months later I found myself in rehab after the worst bottom I'd hit yet.

Just my opinion, I don't think you are ready to take a startover token. Just wait until you feel like it it the right thing to do or not.

If you pick up a white chip at an NA meeting and ALSO pick one up at an AA meeting, you double your opportunity to be of service to members of both groups. There will be some people you will help by doing it. I have trouble on the other side of the coin imagining how helpful your rationalizations will be.

You would not be throwing your 4.5 years away. If you have doubts that you have stayed sober and are putting a lot of mental energy into convincing yourself you did not slip, you need to ask yourself if you are being honest. It is your decision. This is something that is more important than the 4.5 years of sobriety--something mentioned three times in a row in How It Works....namely keeping your honesty and your capacity for honesty.

I am talking about you and what you think, not your sponsor or what you think your sponsor thinks. Not keeping honesty with your sponsor, but keeping it with your self. Aside from this, all I have to remind you off is that it was you, not your sponsor, who used the word "abused" about the pain killers.

In sobriety from alcohol and in being clean from drugs, the Big Book says we can achieve a position of neutrality toward them, not compulsion about them...let alone abuse of them.

If this sounds harsh it is not intended to sound that way--honesty is honesty--you don't need legal interpretations regarding AA versus NA. You need honesty. If you honesty feel you did not have an addictive lapse into hitting the euphoria button over and over for its own sake with the pain killers, then you can with a clean conscious say you have 4.5 years clean and sober in both AA and NA. I suggest however you do not waste mental energy saying you are 4.5 years sober in AA and have one day sober in NA. I say this because it won't be only your sponsor who will "act distant" as you put it, if you keep trying to maintain that stance at meetings. I hope this helps.

I had 15 years sobriety. I was in the wrong part of town, doing the wrong thing, when I thought I'd take a couple of pills with codeine in them. 'that way, I get 'out of it' without busting'. So I took a few pills, purely for the effect. A few weeks later I took 2 more, a few weeks later 2 more. Then I stopped.
I wasn't sure if I'd busted, finally decided after an NA meeting that I had.
It's hard to start again, and I feel for you on that. But all that you've experienced and learnt in your 4.5 years isn't lost. You've had a setback, is all.
I wouldn't recommend drinking over it, as this is dangerous and you never know how long it will take you over for, or if you'll survive.
Take care.

I think that's a pretty shitty idea Bob. Here's a better one: don't drink and don't take pain pills unless you absolutely must. Too dangerous. Keep in mind you take a drink you may not stop.

Whatever, that's my problem with the twelve steps! You don't start over! Every day is a success! Don't let anyone take it away from you! Pain pills for a surgery is a must in my opinion!

Take the road which will enable you to continue without the booze. Everything else is just a number. Change group/sponsor if need be. Just keep on track. Let's not get this number out of perspective, nor the fact that you haven't had a drink for a heck of a long time. Join NA as well if need be...?

I've been reading your posts on here for a while. Have you substituted working on your own issues for "helping" others on DS boards?

Clearly this doesn't work and hasn't for quite some time. Only other suggestion I have is to check your pride and ego.

And again, let your conscience be your guide.