Anger . I thaught i couldnt afford to go there.Until in yasmine hammamet n a puropse built tourist resort, young guys thaught it acceptable to comment on me and my 70 yr old mothers breasts [scared us to hell]. muslin country. I was so ready to swear at them and punch them;i,m not violent . reolised a cultural thing and as women we were treated as posessions. Guess my country has good points.

My anger was justified in my opinion. but in country i was in at time was not justifie as i had no say as a mere woman .

I think anger is necessary sometimes. I am working on getting sober for good, but this week has been a roller coaster. I was sad, then depressed, then angry, then back to sad, etc... I agree with you donttread that as a drunk, I just didn't deal with emotions very well. In a way, I'm glad to have these emotions come out as I try to sort my life out and work on my future goals. My anger needs to get out, be dealt with, and then pass, so I can move on.

Anger is a character defect. Letting go of character defects should be done decisively. We suffer because their demands weaken us. Where we were proud, we now find that we cannot get away with arrogance. If we are not humble, we are humiliated. If we are greedy, we find that we are never satisfied. Before taking Steps Four and Five, we could indulge in fear, anger, dishonesty or self-pity. Now indulgence in these character defects clouds our ability to think logically. Selfishness becomes an intolerable, destructive chain that ties us to our bad habits. Our defects drain us of all our time and energy.

Anger within reason is a perfectly normal human trait and many times justified. It is really just another experience and release of emotion. Some people just hide it better than others, but they still feel it.

I agree with Rick-anger is not bad in itself-it is what we do with it. Anger is a instinctual response when we feel threatened, it comes out of fear.

Now what do we do with that? Well, I like to try and back up a bit and see what the heck there is to be afraid of and what good my anger will do in this situation.

If I am not physically threatened, it usually is best for me to calm the heck down.

But anger is natural-when we try to repress emotions-that is when we get into trouble. Depression can result in anger turned inward for example.

So you are saying that the same mind that justified insane drinking, convinced us that puking and pissing in the closet, demented parties, sex with people we don't even know and weekend blackouts were just the things we needed to do is fully capable of correctly judging not only when to be angry or not, but how to express our anger.
Interesting concept.
Where does humility play into it, if at all? Or can we just assume that our opinion is obviously the only correct one, thereby justifying it?
Where exactly does one draw the line at the expression of anger? Before or after the police are called?
How does one determine the validity of an instance of anger during a fourth step, or do we simply eliminate anger and any anger based defects of character, since we "need" to experience this emotion?
For me sobriety is about joining the human race and being a productive member of society.

Denny, we dont "need" to experience anger, it just is. We interpret a situation, perhaps wrongly, and this is our response.

It kind of like saying tigers are "mean." They are not mean-they are working on their instinct. We put judgement on a God given emotion and I find that pompous. Anger is not bad or good-it just is. Now if anger makes us drink and do bad things, we need to look at different ways to handle anger and to interpret situational responses in general.

Perhaps what is stirring anger-something we see as a threat, is an illusion. That is the important part to notice I think-our misinterpretation of events that thus cause anger. I prefer to save my anger response for war or physical attack-can't see much use for it in other instances. But until I get there, I will step back from my anger and examine it's cause. Usually it is not cause for anger.

Good topic. I think emotions ARE what makes the human race. Do animals get jealous, envious, depressed? I heard on NPR that they do think animals have "human" type of feelings....oops I digress. My point is what makes us human is the ability to feel and share those feelings. joy, sorrow, excited, angry. Using alcohol to numb feelings so we don't "act out" is crazy because alcohol reduces our inhibitions and we end up acting out even worse. Emotions as KK says....are. Trying to surpress them is pretty hopeless as they will work their way out in spite of our best efforts. We need to deal with our emotions in a rational and sane way. That takes time, tools and effort.

It's kinda funny that the guy in the meeting got so "angry" at what you said. Rule 62, right! Just because some people are loud, doesn't make them right.

As alcoholics, we do things in the extreme when actively using. When actively (taking action) working the 12 steps, we behave with grace and dignity and things are usually more balanced as well as our emotions. When I'm angry, I try to figure out what the root of my fear(s) are. It's kinda ridiculous to think we cannot get angry. But we have the tools now in recovery with the 12 steps to learn how to work through the anger.

Your absolutly right. It is an emotion that we all do deal with. That and resentments tho are the number one killers of alcoholics, and we can't afford to let them controle us. Sobriety gives us a new life where we learn differant ways to deal with them. For myself I still feel them at times, but recovery has taught me differant ways to help me deal with them. Mostly it's our reactions to these emotions that we need to watch. Before I just acted on what I felt because I thought that's what you were supposed to do, but that got me in lots of trouble, and caused some pretty painfull experiances for myself, and many others. When I feel those emotions now, I stop and look at what's really going on with me, and I think about how I should deal with it that will be good, or ask myself, "Is it really worth it." I don't react imediatly with anger. Emotions can be like a drug. If I'm feeling angry, I'm not as capable of making good decisions, so sometimes I just have to wait awhile before I deal with it so that I can make good decisions with a clear mind. Don't underestimate the power of anger or resentments. They do have the power to kill. All the best. James

Interesting, don't read - my hope group topic tonight was also "Anger". It is a discussion only meeting and so most everyone shared. It turned out to be one of the most honest, refreshing meetings - with the exception of the guy that writes music to Jesus and the borderline sociopath who was talking about his desire to kill someone (in the present tense) - the topic was great. The fact that we have anger in sobriety is unavoidable, and many shared that the anger was often a result of us not getting our way, feeling that we were victims, and wallowing in self pity.
I personally got that I have a lot of 4th step stuff to redo over my late husbands ex wife. The tools to deal with anger was discussed a lot as well.
Funny how meetings can be so different on different nights. You are right - that statement about unjustified anger can be taken for BS - it's the unjustified innapropriate reaction to our anger that we have to face and deal with. We are not saints!

Yeah, I'm right with you on this one, DT. This is the second time I've heard that "Anger is a luxury." Ha! That is just plain weird. Anger is a human emotion that humans experience. Anyone who tells you that you are wrong or something is wrong with you for feeling anger is crazy-making.

I actually think all the 7 deadlies serve a purpose . But we must deal with them appropriately , not stuff them.

It wasn't freeing myself from any emotion, but identifying those emotions, and responding to them in a healthy manner. For me, Anger hid a lot of fears.