at some level they all boil down to fear coogee. But they all also serve a purpose. I'll never be one of the "pretend the negative emotions don't exist " crowd

Wow!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBEtIXNrhXw&feature=related

Lucysdad --

Anger is a character defect?

Then, to turn the coin over, it would seem that happiness is also a character defect. (You can't have good without bad.)

I guess I can see that if you are striving to reach a state of nirvana in this lifetime. A lofty goal.

My personal goal concerning my anger is to understand what's behind it and to respond in a way that helps improve the situation for all involved. That usually requires some deep breaths and time before acting.

DT from my anger management classes, we all perceive justified anger differently, what's justified to one may not be to another, BUT, it was said, you have the right to be angry - it is an emotion that is in us, but it's how you handle and direct that anger is what is important. Not dealing with anger leads to resentment and then branches out in so many areas and then when someone spills the milk you go balistic -

Anger should be addressed at the incident and dealt with and not dwelled on - Forgiveness plays a big part in letting go and dealing with anger.

I know that i was a very angry person for a very long time and it got to the point where i was just angry about everything - and really MUCH of the things i was angry about was due to my own actions, or inability to accept things as they are, etc. - if you dont deal with anger issues they do build up.

i think i lost track here - i personally do believe there is justified anger BUT how we deal with any anger is the key factor - Justified Anger doesn't give you the right to hold onto it forever.

peace!

IMOOnly, if you don't experience anger you are doing something wrong.
It is the proper use of the steps that makes the difference for me.
Take out the word alcohol in step 1 and replace it with the present aggravation~~~~ and it is all good.

"WTF step ya working" , in all situations.

Absolutely anger is a character defect. In working the steps our fears are lessened, and faith begins to grow as we learn the true meaning of surrender. We are no longer fighting fear, anger, guilt, self-pity or depression. We realize that the Power that brought us to this program is still with us and will continue to guide us if we allow It. We are slowly beginning to lose the paralyzing fear of hopelessness. The proof is shown in the way we live.

In living the steps, we begin to let go of our self-obsession. We
ask a Higher Power to remove our fear of facing ourselves and
life. We redefine ourselves by working the steps and using the
tools of recovery. We see ourselves differently. Our personalities
change. We become feeling people, capable of responding appropriately to life. We put spiritual living first and learn to use
patience, tolerance and humility in our daily affairs.

Other people in our lives help us to develop trust and loving
attitudes, we demand less and give more. We are slower to anger
and quicker to forgive. We learn about the love that we receive in
our Fellowship. We begin to feel lovable which is a feeling totally
alien to our old egocentric selves.

lisa I do do read, just not much. LOL

If somebody punches me in the face I not only have a right to be angry, but I WILL be angry whether I percieve myself to have that right or not. . Hitting him back at the monent makes sense, slashing his tires 5 years later , not so much.
I guess that's my point, for me stuffing anger was part of the problem NOT the soultion.

I think that if you take anger and supress it-like a lot of mormon women do that I see-they are syrupy sweet and it's all about smiles and rainbows.....then they are drinking cough syrup buy the bucket full or popping xanax and lortabs as prescribed...by 10 different doctors.

I have empathy for folks who bottle it up, it sucks to not be allowed to be fully human.

"There is a direct and an indirect process of becoming angry. If we are referring to anger as an emotion like sadness, hurt, or joy, anger is simply a direct feeling response. So something happens, and we may react to it with feeling hurt, angry, or some other emotion.

However, anger can also be a secondary emotion. Many people are trained to accept the feeling of anger, but not to accept the feelings that may have preceded it; such as feelings of hurt, fear, or vulnerability. Sometimes when we feel hurt or vulnerable, we immediately jump to anger because thats more acceptable to us. In this context, it becomes a secondary emotion, its the feeling we can tolerate rather than such feelings as hurt or vulnerability."
http://www.allaboutcounseling.com/anger.htm#anger3

I think in early sobriety, it can be confusing to be swimming around with so many emotions that have been tucked away for so long. Allowing yourself to feel these emotions is vital for our mental and physical well-being.

Anger is the backbone of healing, in my opinion. When you are angry and safely allow yourself to express it, then you can take a closer look at what is hiding underneath that protective shield. Underneath Anger is vulnerability, hurt and fear. Underneath hurt is love.

Anger becomes unhealthy when it gets in the way of your ability to function in daily life and your relationships. Maybe this is what LD is really trying to say when he says "Anger is a character defect."

I like what Lucy had to say. For me, the anger is usually fear based and that's what I need to look at. The underlying cause.

Bobby (Timmy), excellent point. It makes it much easier to let go of when taken in that context.

~Chris