Today I was talking to a friend about migraines. She found out that I have them and came to me and said -- "I know exactly how you feel, I get them too."

When she gets a migraine she wakes up in middle of the night in pain and has to crawl to the bathroom to throw-up. That is not my experience. She has never had amnesia during a migraine episode, which is something I have had to deal with.

So we don't have the same experiences, but there is enough commonality so that we have empathy for each other. When we talked it helped me -- not because she knows exactly what I've been going through, but because she can relate her experiences and we can learn and grow from each other.

I like that. It is important to me.

i agree completely. empathy

I have never worn red shoes, so cant help you there

doc copperhead...I do not know all and don't pretend to but as for some commonalities we search things that are common among us rather than the differences...you pointed the differences between you and others....I have same experience...I never used crack and never used meth either...but desperation those folks feel I am sure I have felt too...maybe looking for similarities is what you need instead of looking for differences.....too many differences I have never had a period but when I am with a drunk gal who is wanting to be sober I know that making a move sexually on her is not the right thing....simple fact...she may want me as much as I want her but as I want to help her be sober more than not ....I am not touching her and won't put my tongue in her mouth in efforts to keep her from drinking...

sorry I dunno where my mind went with this...but just because we are a different person does not mean we do not have commonalities...

Wow I have some time while hubby is sleeping to come on this site for some ESH. While Reading the Big Book in the back are stories the one that hit my heart the most deeply was the Housewife that drank at Home. I may not be an artist yet the story fit me like a glove they say to look for the similarities in shares, and never compare. For me staying sober ODAAT is a miracle I try not to diminish someones share by stating I know how you feel etc. as I can give empathy by simply stating I'm sorry for what your going through it must be difficult or just a hug will do nicely. Thank-you for letting me share GOD BLESS XXOO

i would suggest that our commonalities help us suport one another and our differences help us learn from one another. my humble opinion. i would and have told a drunk woman to call me when she is sober.

I like to think that even if I havent woken up in the gutter, the fact that I've woken up not knowing where I am.....means that I can relate to alcoholics, period. I look for the similarities, not the differences. To me but by the grace of god go I....means just that. Its minutes and inches....that seperate me, a mom of three, from another mom who has killed someone's child, or their own, in a drunken car accident. And that's my reality.
I don't need to live it, to have both empathy and appreciation.
Your mileage may vary!

Great topic, great comments.

I do agree with what has been said - that while I cannot fully say "I know how your feel" or "I've been there" to everyone I meet in the rooms of AA or here online, I definitely can feel a certain connection with someone who is struggling with any kind of addiction. I don't identify with an overeater or gambler, but if they told me that today they were struggling, I get it. I understand internal struggle. But for sure I couldn't identify with the difficulty in passing by a bakery or a convenience store with tons of lottery tickets.

Through treatment and in AA, I know a lot of drug addicts. I too consider them brothers and sisters, but there is a difference for sure. I don't know what it's like to pop pills, inject, snort, smoke or inhale drugs in an addictive manner. But if they tell me that they're having a bad day, I can empathize.

And that's a wonderful ability we alcoholics have.

ESH? Forgive my ignorance, what does this stand for? same with ODAAT? I am not a texter, so am not up on too much of the cyber short hand - I'm learning though.
Thanks

I had the same thoughts for the shorthand, but it took me a bit to figure out (I'm getting older!):

ESH - Experience, Strength and Hope
ODAAT - one day at a time

Thanks for the clarification Paul - you never know what you'll get out of a post! I love both of these!

Drcopper - from your original post - I get that we need to be careful with our phrasing - I've done alot of visiting with the bereaved, and often know very little about them. So, I am very careful with what I say - though I have had losses, I am not them, and Iusually don't know who they lost. Thanks for reminding me to lend that thought when I reply here.

Happy Monday all - raining here (but I like rain - think of it as cleansing)

in the past week i have learned not to follow my threads very closely as it upsets me. its true that my disagreeableness is just a symtom of my present struggle to get back on track. to get back to where i was. i was truely happy sober. happiest time in my life even though i was going through 27months of divorce proceedings. i freely admit that humility is not my strong suit. i am pretty good with Faith and Hope though. my thought processes have seen better days and i long to get back there. i attempt to only share my experiences. whether i succeed or not is debatable. and i see nothing wrong with playing the devils advocate as ive been in hell the last few months. it took me 32yrs to sober up and i imagine it will take time to overcome my present obstacles. keep coming back, u help keep me sober

as i look back on the good years of sobriety i had and how happy i was. how i thought i had it all figured out and my Faith would sustain me forever. i was shocked to finally realize just how spiritually unfit i had become. after about 4yrs of quality sobriety i was a fool and talked myself into to thinking that i was "better than" and stronger than other people. for about a yr i thought i was controlling pills. i rarely did them and mostly for back pain for i could ease the pain and get more work done on weekends. then i did a yr of hep c treatment and didnt use at all. too sick. i was off work 5months short term disability. got back to work and started playing with pills again. only on occasion. early this yr a friend who i thought i was stronger than lost his job and ended up dead of heroin suicide. a while back i got access to quantities of pills and being able to control them i bought quantities. they were supposed to last because i could control them. lmao. it took me years to even realize i had even fallen off the wagon. then the pills were gone and i knew i couldnt touch them again. then my depression hit. even though i hadnt used pills for weeks it took me coming on this site to finally figure it out and i thank u all for that

when ever i hear "walk a mile in my shoes" i always say......"do you want to trade the pebble lodged in our heel?"

i like that thanks