Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I have been with my boyfriend for almost five years. Things have gotten worse and worse as time goes on. I know that making him leave wouldnt help him because his mother is an alcoholic as well. I would say that 5 out of 7 days he is asleep when I get home. I get upset because he will not help with any of the housework and he blames it on being tired from work but I know its because hes drunk. I can't do everything and take care of both of us. I feel like the only reason he hasn't asked me to marry him is because he's too drunk to go to the jewelery store or to even take me out. The first thing he does when he wakes up is have a drink, it's also the first thing he does when he gets home. I know that he has a physically hard job but that shouldn't mean he doesn't have to do anything at all. There's always tomorrow in his mind. He has been talking about having a baby and that he will stop drinking when i get pregnant but i don't believe him. I feel lonely and he is neglecting our relationship. I love him so much and i don't want to leave. I am about to start student teaching which means i can't work more than two days a week, i would lose my house and my car. When he is sober he is the most amazing person. When he's drunk he's mean. He had never hit me but he has put his hand on my neckand thrown things at me. He calls me stupid and a retard. When i bring it up when he sober he says I'm the smartest person he knows and that he doesn't mean anything he says. He regularly embarrasses me in public with his being drunk and it's even worse when his mother is with us. I always have to drive because he I s always over the limit. Maybe two days a month he won't drink and that's only because its inappropriate for the situation. He has ruined birthdays and anniversaries and even gotten kicked out of places making it so i have to take him home. We started dating right before i turned 20 and i thought he was just in a "party" stage but it has gitten worse and worse. I dont know how to handle this anymore and i hide it from so many people because I'm embarrassed.
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
I see you found wives of alcoholics group, too. I'm really glad you found that group, as well. Where to begin?
The promise to get sober when you get pregnant -- likely won't happen. I heard similar promises all through our dating and marriage. Nope. Didn't happen. An active alcoholic can't keep a promise like that. An alcoholic is controlled by the alcohol, not rational thought.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease. His getting worse with the years is part of the disease. It won't get better, until he chooses to give up the very thing that feels like its vital to him.
The physical aggression is separate from the alcoholism. Many alcoholics are not physically violent. But you should know domestic violence begins with seemingly innocuous things as throwing things, a shove or grabbing your neck for a minute. But once they've crossed that line, it's easy to get a little more aggressive, then a little more, until the time you are seriously hurt. In the meantime, because this all happens so incrementally, it's easy, as the victim to keep excusing and minimizing what the abuser is doing. It is abuse. Putting his hand on your neck is abuse. And it's the first step to many more drunken episodes of abuse.
I encourage you to speak with a domestic violence advocate. You don't have to do anything. But an advocate would be a very good sounding board for you. It's free. It's confidential. They will help you as much or as little as you want them to. They can give you perspective that's hard to have when you're in the thick of the situation. They can provide financial resources to contact, if you are at all financially dependent on him. They can show you a way out that you might not think is there. It could save your life. And maybe it will be the wake up call for him, to make changes in his own life. At the very least, speaking with a DV advocate will validate all of your feelings, and thus empower you.
I'm sorry to harp on this one thing. I have kids about the same age as you. One of my daughters was dating a man who had anger issues. I was terrified. Because of how she was raised with an A as a father, she doesn't really know what a mentally healthy man looks like. Thankfully she ended the relationship with the man with anger issues.
Take good care of yourself. You are a valuable human being. You are worthy. And you deserve to be treated with respect, not just when he's sober, but all of the time. Sending hugs and prayers. Keep posting on wives of alcoholics. You'll find a lot of support there.
1is2many
How much longer are you going to allow yourself to be punished by his drinking? He won't change, he has no motivation to change!
It sounds like you need alot of support for yourself and al anon is a great place to find that support. You can google meetings in your area.
God Bless
You say he is "amazing" when he is sober. When was the last time he was sober? Probably not recently since he starts his morning with a drink - and it's not coffee!
Run like hell while you still have a chance!
G.
Your boyfriend is in denial about his problem and it is possible that he will remain like that for many years. He is also suffering from a progressive condition and his drinking will get much worse unless he stops completely. Talk with him when he is sober and find out if he plans to address his drinking problem. If he genuinely wants to stop drinking and is prepared to do whatever it takes, you could give him some time. However, it would be unwise to make any major commitments during this time and there is no greater commitment than bringing a child into the world. If he continues to feed you promises but takes no action, you have a big decision to make. Are you prepared to risk a lifetime of hardship and misery or would you be better off walking away now?
I would be very concerned about how he treats you when he is drunk. There is absolutely no excuse for that and I firmly believe that drinking cannot bring out anything that is not there already. Domestic violence usually starts off at the lower end of the scale but it escalates to something much more serious. People who are guilty of that type of behaviour are often the most considerate and kindest individuals, after the event. They will apologise and they will make solemn promises but yet, given a little time they will do it again. They often have a need to control other people in order to make themselves feel good.
You are now hiding things from people because you are embarrassed. How long before you are telling people that the bruises were caused by walking into a door or falling down the steps? I would urge you to seek support from your friends and family or a women’s group, gather your belongings, run like hell and never look back.
You are doing better. You deserve so much more.