Magpie -- my heart goes out to you. I've been in the same situation many times. My meter definitely broke and I reached the point where I would prefer he pass out early so that I wouldn't have to deal with him. My AH is sober now but there is still a lot of damage we need to repair.

Take care of yourself first and foremost. You might want to check this group out:

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/wives-of-alcoholics

Omg, I am so sorry to hear that. He definitely has a problem. I am so proud of you for taking care of yourself despite living in chaos. I hope hubs can see what positive changes you are making in your life. Maybe he will get inspired and start helping himself. Living a life like that is no fun at all, as we all know. There is so much out there. There is fun to be had. Well, too bad I wasn't there. I would have loved to go.

This post also reminds me of a time when I used to drink before a big event and end up "missing" the event.

I am so glad hubs stopped smoking pot (as far as I know-he doesn't smoke at home anymore at least and doesn't seem to be suffering from angry pot hangovers).

Take care Mags. Continue on kicking butt!

Hugs,
Nikki

Ughh, brings back memories of a show my other half bought tickets for as a special treat for me and I was so drunk I couldn't go. I could bring up a whole list of examples but the past cannot be undone and we got over it once I started staying sober long term.

Have you ever considered going to Al-Anon? Just a thought but it could give you support and direction for your own sake. Your husband may genuinely seek sobriety or he may not but your quality of life could improve regardless of what he is doing.

It wasn't alcohol that damaged my relationships, alcohol is pretty harmless until an alcoholic gets his/her hands on it. The problem was in me, not the bottle. Once that was addressed I no longer had a need or want to drink.

Magpie - I just recently left my alcoholic husband. He would project on me about how "I" never went anywhere and always stayed cooped up in the apartment, when in all actuality, it was HE who would begin drinking the minute he came home from work. Hence, preventing us from going anywhere. He would rather sit at home drinking, with his party friends, than do anything with me. It hurts. It hurts so deeply. We recently moved from IL to FL and I honestly thought the change would be for the better. NOPE!!! It just got worse.

(((HUGS)))

Magpie I'm sorry for you and your son. While i knew I needed a change for myself, I couldn't go on letting my children see me in those situations (thankfully they were rare.)

I'll be the first to admit I am married to a wife who was dependent on alcohol. Thankfully she stopped in time.

Hi magpie2 and ckchisum. I am not an alcoholic but I was married to one. We were together about 12 years when he began drinking. I couldnt figure out whywe had two successful business, three magnificent, healthy kids. The house was always immaculate, the kids well-behaved and a home-cooked meal on the table every single night that we ate as a family.

After about 11 years of drinking, he chose rehab. I was relieved and very supportive. I just knew I was going to get my beloved husband back. What I got, in return, was a mess. He couldnt function because he couldnt drink. He became introverted and the only person on earth that mattered was him. I didnt recognize him.

Over the period of three years, his behavior didnt change and I ended the marriage. The damage had been done and there was no going back. That was in 1998. To his credit he has not taken a drink since he entered rehab but he still---after all this time---white knuckles it. On occasion, hes abused pot and any prescription medication he could get his hands on. Hes now off pot completely and he has very smart doctors, so theres no more prescription medications.

Magpie2, what you are feeling is apathy, indifference. Even hate is an emotion and negative emotions can be overcome by forgiveness but I found apathy insurmountable.

Having said that, however, we have developed a friendship and get together for cookouts and holidays and sometimes just a meal out, usually with the kids. He would love to get back together but theres no way. If something was to happen to him, it would be a shame because we do have kids and one grandchild but I would go on with my life just fine.

That may sound cruel but alcoholism is a cruel disease and the damage doled out, as we all know, is not limited to the alcoholic. AlAnon may be for you; it wasnt for me so AAers, please dont suggest it. Thank you.

My addiction and alcoholism was very difficult on my wife. Alcoholism is known as a family disease because it affects the entire family as well as the drinker. Although I got sober, she never healed and she refused to get help for herself. This was the beginning of the end for us.

When opportunity came, she cheated on me and said it was because she fell out of love for me due to the drinking. She said she could not get it out of her mind and could not go on the way she felt.

So I just excepted things and told her I wanted her to be happy. We went through divorce and 6 months later she wanted me back but by then, I was happy being single and plus, she seemed to prefer to cheat on me instead of work with me but that's ok, I accept it.

I read a great little booklet put out by AA called "Acceptance" and those few pages helped me as much as the 12 steps did. That and putting things in the Hands of my Higher Power to do for me, what I could not do for myself, which is also one of the AA Promises. It was hard at first, putting my faith and trust into someone I could not see or feel but I have been rewarded many times over and this appears to be a common theme in many meetings I have attended. I am sure there are other ways like religion, acim, buddhism and what have you but the is what worked for me, although, I have branched off into other things.

I think I got off track here but yes I have a pretty good idea what drinking does to marriages. There is no sense living in a toxic environment but the choice is yours.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers,

God Bless!