Yours is a story that is often repeated, fortunately you have realized you have a problem. So do you want to do someting about it, or carrt on in your currebnt course getting deeper and deeper into a whole sew of problems. Carry on as you are doing and you will probably lose your job and your health and whatever savings you have... its a slippier slope.
So the next step if you're ready is to do something to change the current course.of your life. I strongly recommend going to a local AA meeting to find out what it is all about and if it is for you. Its a big scary step, walking into a room of strangers, but they will understand and welcome you with open arms.

Turn thinking off and just do it, is how I approach these things. Listen and see the similar stories around the room. They have al been tee and done that!
Fuzzy

It will be horrible if you lose your job because of alcoholism. I left my job of 19 years because of alcoholism before they fired me and I left on stress....and collected TDI to start with. Then my alcoholism REALLY took off. I was in the same exact situation you are..out of sick time..out of excuses.

I had to make a decision...mine was to leave the job (which even before I started drinking was causing me much pain and emotional trauma as well).

I wasn't in the condition to go to AA when I needed help the most. So what I had to do was make a decision in my brain that I was going to quit. I know that drinking makes depression and anxiety 10x worse...and I know that after a few days of not drinking I feel better. You know that too if you have been able to go 2 months without a drink.

Its about getting in the mindset that I am going to quit...and then taking the steps...stocking up on water, snacks, vitamins, Gatorade and actually not taking the first drink and then get thru the withdrawals which are horrible mentally and physically. We are approaching a weekend...So maybe you can shoot for not drinking Saturday and Sunday and just resting...eating and intaking lots of fluids....do nothing but rest on couch/bed...and get thru it. You have to start NOT drinking to get to a happier place...

I hope for you...you can find it within yourself to try and stop because if you don't...you may lose your job and go deeper into drinking and the depression will be ten fold. :(

Seven years ago my wife kicked me out of the house. She came home from work and saw smoke coming out of the oven because the dinner I was suppose to be watching was burning up. I had passed out on the couch. She was so infuriated that she called the cops when I would not leave. When they came to the house, I was given a chance of either jail or detox. It was an easy choice to make.

I spent 4 days in detox, where I was given a complete phsical exam and meds to help me through withdrawals. After detox I was refered to an IOP(Intensive Outpatient Program) Here, I learned about my disease and was treated for the underlying causes that made me want to drink. After graduating from the iop, I went through 3 months of relapse prevention group counseling where I learned what my triggers were and how to deal with them.

Throughout all of the treatment and counseling, AA meetings were a requirement. I was given a sponser who I could rely on anytime of the day and he help guide me through some very rough situations in my life without needing to pick up a drink.

Today, I still attend occasional AA meetings, I live my life by the 12 steps and I have never been happier!

That's how I got sober!

God Bless!

You can start by being honest with your doctor. Let the doctor know what is really your problem. there are meds that can help you.

Thanks for commenting everyone. I haven't been able to not have a drink for more than a few days. The 2 month thing was how long I went without calling in sick to work. This is all recent, I never used to call in unless I was actually sick.
I don't feel like I go in withdrawl. As there are days I don't drink and my drink of choice is beer. But most often I will drink anywhere from 6-12 beers in a sitting usually spanning over 8 hours. I don't drink hard liquor, except for vodka rock stars and I usually have 1 per drinking binge. Could that be why I don't really feel withdrawl? Or maybe I haven't gone long enough to experience it? Wouldn't you feel it after a day or 2?
I work weekends so no relaxing this weekend for me. My days off are monday and Tuesday (they vary, never the same) so I will try and do nothing then. My husband will be home then too.
I feel I want to try and do this on my own, the idea of a room of strangers scares me. I don't want to lose my job and I hate being this depressed so I have to change. Now is the time

Yes, you would experience signs of alcohol detoxification after a day or two, actually that is when the physical part begins to peak. Please talk to your doctor about your depression that perhaps is underlying your heavy drinking...

Hello shanbanan,

You have taken an important step in admitting that you have a problem but admitting alone is not enough. The next step is to accept it and to then make a decision on what you need to do.

You can see from your work absences how the problem is getting progressively worse and you are starting to experience other symptoms such as chest pains. I rarely missed a day from work but alcoholism got to a point where I drank at lunchtime, left early in the evening and drank at work among other things. It took a while to get to that stage but it is a progressive condition and it always gets worse, never better. There are a lot more not so nice things that are waiting for you just around the corner unless you make some changes.

Like you, I wanted to do it on my own. I did not like the idea of a roomful of strangers but it was pried more than fear that was my biggest problem. When the pain of drinking got bad enough and I was unable to do it on my own, I ditched the pride and went to a meeting. I walked into a roomful of strangers, a nervous wreck and a person without hope. A short time later, I said goodbye to a group of friends and there was a glimmer of hope for the future.

You have admitted that you are an alcoholic. Now, can you go further and accept that you may need help? You can then decide whether you want to struggle on against the urge to drink or if you are prepared to take action.

Go ahead and try by yourself and if it works I wish you the best.
I never worked for me. I could always stop drinking for a week or even a couple of months if challenged, which put me in the mindset of "I am in control of this", which was always followed increasingly epic binges.
It was after one of these in the period of pain that follows that I started to read AA literature. One passage caught my attention and it said something like "go look in the mirror, this is where your best efforts have taken you". It was at this moment that I really admitted that I was not in control and needed help.

Hello Shanbanan. I was in your shoes about 18 months ago. I was drinking heavily, depressed, anxious and stressed in a miserable job. I was also at the point where I was calling in sick more than actually going to work and I lost my job. I was going to anyway, due to severe arthritis and literally being unable to walk. So I know what you're going through.

I agree with everybody that you need to see your doctor and be completely honest. Get some help to get through the initial days of withdrawal and then formulate a plan for quitting for good and ongoing support.

There are many options, such as coming here, going to AA, SMART Recovery and individual counseling.

What I found after I got sober, is that other areas in my life got much better. I still have financial struggles, but you will be surprised how much extra money you will have once you are no longer spending it on alcohol. With me, at least, after going through some cravings for sweets and salty snacks, my body is finally settling down into craving healthier food. I also sleep much better and no longer have to rely on prescription sleeping pills.

I know this all sounds very impossible right now, but trust us. Things will get better. You just have to take that first difficult step.

Good luck to you. Please let us know how you're doing.

(((HUGS!)))

I was right there just awhile ago. I was killing myself. I finally admitted I am am alcoholic. I then found a group and survived. I tried to go it alone and would just fail fail fail. It got tiring so I finally decided to try aa. The people understand what I was going thru. And taught me how to learn to live sober.
I used to hate what I'd become
I used to hate myself.
Not today

1is2many

Thank you all so much. I had 1 beer today. Still shouldn't have had it but I did. I do need to be honest with my Dr. But I'm so scared. Whenever they ask how much I drink I say just socially, maybe 6 per week.....such a lie and I feel ashamed. I want to tell my family and friends, but last time I told my mom that I was drinking she looked so very sad. And I wasn't even honest, just said I drank a six pack here and there by myself.
I'm willing to accept I may not be able to do this alone and it's okay to need help, but I worry everyone will be so ashamed of me when I tell them

Hello shanbanan,

You are making progress in your thinking so keep the momentum going.

Like you have stated it is ok to need help. There is no shame in being an alcoholic as long as you do something about it. Many of the people who do not share the problem will not understand that you cannot control your drinking in the same way that they can so you will not always get the expected support from those people. However, the only opinion that matters here is the one that you have about yourself. It is your thinking that needs to change and not what other people think about you.

Pride can be a big obstacle and it is pride that leaves many alcoholics in the grave. A fear of being honest with ourselves, with doctors, counsellors etc. will stop people from doing the things that would help them to recover. You dont have to put an advertisement in the newspapers telling the world that you have a problem with alcohol but you do need to be completely honest with a few people. You are now being honest with yourself in admitting it and the next step could be that honest talk with your doctor. You can then decide on the best course of action, whether that is counselling, AA meetings, going to a treatment centre or something else. Try to keep an open mind and to rule nothing out and you will be successful.

Why would you be scared to tell your doctor? Because then you couldn't stay in denial any longer?

How about going to HR and ask if they have any counseling services. Then, you can tell that person and they could get you in some type of program Bobinmaine did. It sounds like it really saved him.

What do you think?

I guess it's not that I can't be in denial anymore, just that I've been lying. I don't know really.
I know we have some counselling services at work and that is actually what I'm doing after the long weekend is calling them up to get help. See what they can do for me....it sure does sound like the program bobinmaine did saved his life. I want that to be me too.
No alcohol today! But a gigantic headache.

One beer is not a big deal....the fact that it is bothering you is a big deal..:(.

You are lying because it is a natural protection mechanism......you are trying to get better so don't beat yourself up...

You don't have to tell anyone (since you got away with this for so long)...maybe you want to tell them while you are in the middle of recovery.

Don't beat yourself up girly...you reached out for help...you are strong just for doing that! So that is a predecessor to you being strong in your recovery...I have faith in you...you can do this..we are not bad people...we have a problem...and learning to live without alcohol is a process...

That you are capable of handling. :)