Alcohol is a drug and it is addictive. I was a beer drinker and at the end I was drinking about 10 a day. My body was pushing back. I was having pain on my side and went to the dr. My liver enzymes were 3 times the normal I still couldn’t quit and drank to numb the pain.

Finally I decided to find some help, but this was not my MO because I was fiercely independent and never asked anybody for anything. But I finally did. That was July 9, 2012. Haven’t had a beer since and my life is much better. I get up and work and go to a gym three days a week. I feel better and respect myself.

The thing is I’m an alcoholic. I like the effect of alcohol so much that I want to keep feeding it into my body even though it’s not good for me. I found a group of friends that we meet up and talk about life, how to cope, laugh and repeat.

Life has purpose

1is2many

Welcome to the group Blue!

It was easier for me to stay sober when I healed the underlying problems that trigger my drinking, such as depression and anxiety. That happened while I was in outpatient treatment. Every hospital has one if you live in the USA. When I left outpatient treatment, I continued my recovery with AA.

I found that there was no magic pill that would keep me sober, but the support I received from AA members and from this group here at DS, helped me tremendously. That was 10 years ago. Today I have a great life and I have never been happier.

Good luck on your road to recovery. May you find peace, happiness, and guidance, along the way.

God Bless

Thanks for your reply 1is2many. I'd like to ask where you sought help. I am also very independent and tend not to ask for help. Don't believe I'd do well in a group setting. I've never been one to interact much in groups (too many walls built up). I've got family that don't really understand alcoholism. My real dad quit drinking 15 years ago, and says I'm not an alcoholic. That side of family lives quite a distance away. The closer family consists of an elder that is actively engaged in alcohol, and a mixture of 1/2 siblings, a daughter and son in law that have never had any alcohol problems. Any advice is welcome! Today is another day 1 of many!

Thanks bobinmaine! I look forward to using daily strength as a tool. What is the best way to do that?

I call it will power but mind control is good too. Reminds me of Star Wars though. Which may be a good analogy. When luke was training to be a jedi with yoda he had to learn to apply effort but also tap into the force. To me the force comes with surrender. Letting my grace guide instead of my ego. For me, learning why I used (abused) alcohol was the key to gaining that grace. Over the years I became a master avoider. Not facing my problems just left me feeling out of control with my life. Which is exactly what I created for myself through my actions. So now if there’s something I’m resisting doing then that’s what needs to be dealt with. Today. Right now. Practicing this on even the smallest things can build up the energy of positive forward motion. Starting with not opening a beer will lead to seeing yourself in a different way. Embrace that change. Scary but look at it as being exciting. Being retired may be tough. Keep busy. Even going for a walk, library, coffee shop. Change your habits and mindset of ‘needing’ a drink. That saying makes me smile now as I know it’s,quite literally, the last frikkin thing I need. Bests. Ps. WANT to stop.

......."I'd like to ask where you sought help. I am also very independent and tend not to ask for help. Don't believe I'd do well in a group setting."

If you polled every member of AA I bet 99.9% of us would have said the same thing. That's the disease keeping you exactly where it wants you to be......isolated and alone.

many of us isolate and build walls. its a defense mechanism, and the way we know that we wont let anybody down if there is nobody... but that is a sorry way to live. I found help in the rooms of AA. Yes I was super uncomfortable and really just scared at first. But like going to the gym... it is uncomfortable at first but as you build up things get better. So for me AA kind of works out my alcoholic mind and more importantly I learned things I just didnt know. Like how to cope with life. See i used to play Ostrich... I would just bury my head in a bottle and the world would be eating me up but I didnt care because I couldnt feel it. Thats the feeling alcoholics love is the not feeling feeling. But in the end the tolerance goes up and the booze stops working and it takes more and more until the breaking point. This is a disease and only you know if you have it or not... but normal ppl dont hop on line and post on an alcoholic forum, jus sayin.... Its like a snake in my bed... I gotta cut off the head and then it wont bite and kill me...

Get into action, I tried a bunch, hel every day to "quit"... this time im taking actions to 'get sober' there is a big difference.

1-2

Many members keep a daily journal and write about their successes and their failures. It's a good idea to focus on the failures so you can understand the underlying causes that gave you that craving and then you can figure out how to deal with it.

You can send out friend requests and talk to anyone of us privately by sending a message which gives you a chance to discuss things which you might not want to talk about in the group.

No matter what you are going through, no matter what you are feeling, I can guarantee, one of us in here has had to deal with similar issues, and knows how you are feeling. So try not to isolate yourself because isolation is a trigger and triggers are negative feelings that cause cravings.

God Bless

Thanks ALL for all the positive comments and advice. I still am working on a Day 1 of sobriety! I feel I did good yesterday, but not my best. I kept busy at home while I was by myself, went to visit my daughter and grand baby for a little while. Came back home and drank NA. Went to visit BF in evening, Drank NA and coffee with him. (He is fighting his own demons for 3 months now). Way back home, bought a 6 pk of real beer! I did limit myself to 3. I know I didn't do my best, but somehow after the 3rd, I didn't want anymore! I did find an AA support group near me, and have their schedule. I was surprised that they have meetings twice everyday, except Sun. Thanks ALL again!

Your right. It's that sense of losing con we need peopletrol. Until our minds get better, mostly from abstinance and good understanding people, we mostly can't think right about our addictions, especially alone. Put me in a room by myself for a few days and my thoughts get nuts, unless I have some drinks. Then I feel alright for a bit. Most of us have this problem. Thing is we need people. Either by recovery groups, churches, religious, spritual, or just plain good freinds... Our minds need this kind of connection. While drinking, or doping, gambling, or whatever your addiction was we drifted away from people thinking we didn't need them. It's hard to reprogram our minds and it take a long time. Our minds only know, and were programed by our past. That's all our minds know is the past. So what happens, we always go back to drinking because thats what our minds know. Hope you find what works for you. It can be a fantastic journey, I think...

So how much do you drink on a light day, an average day, and a heavy day? And how has that escalated since you retired?

There has not been a light day since I can remember. I had to move out of state to finish my retirement for 3+ years. Just worked and came home during that time. I always felt very blessed to be able to do that. Worked night shift, and came home and drank anywhere from 6-8 beers before going to bed. Retired, and moved back HOME. In the next year, I gradually would average a little less than a 12 pack, I worked on quitting a couple times, but then i would start back drinking more (over 12). Slowly, I really started going downhill. Waking up, drinking a couple cups of coffee, and then popping a top. Not eating, and really not even feeling hungry. I had to force myself to eat, cuz I knew I had to eat something (I wouldn't eat much) and continue drinking till I could go to sleep. During the holidays with family, (I would still drink, but not as much), I realized that things were terribly wrong. I couldn't write cards without shaking, eating during Christmas, my fork was shaking. I just prayed no one noticed. I know I've been on a downhill slope for the last 30 yrs, but I think I've come to a cliff and I need to throw that spike out to keep me from falling off.

https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_personalstories_partIII.pdfGet a copy of Alcoholics Anonomos and read a late start in the back

Hi BlueRobin,
Please, please, please get The Big Book and read it. Then when you are ready, get to a meeting. The support and understanding in incredible. Best wishes, you can do this!

BlueRobin,
I'm with you. I can't remember the last time I went a day without a beer. I dated a true alcoholic about 5 years back and remember the days when I finally said, "I don't want to go to the bar tonight, I just want to stay home, craft and not drink all the time". The relationship ended abruptly after that. The next relationship I got into was horrid, to say the least, and left me in the same state as the first guy I mentioned. I doubt there have been more than a dozen days in the last four years that I have gone without a single beer. I think nothing of downing 6-10 beers on a weekend day, starting around noon. During the week it's usually only 2-5, starting around 5pm. Only recently have I started to consider what I'm doing to myself long-term, and wondered how to reduce my consumption. I'm not yet ready to completely quit, but I would love to get it under control. Congrats on your desire and steps to getting your relationship with beer under control. I know delaying that first beer of the day can be difficult, and limiting yourself to only 3 was a real challenge.