I'm with you that anger is perfectly natural and healthy in certain circumstances. It isnt good if I get angry at every tiny little thing but an appropriate level of anger at appropriate things is completely normal.

I believe that we need to be free of anger. i.e not hold onto it and allow it to become resentment. And that we get free of it by being able to express it and deal with it in healthy ways.

Pushing it down pretending we never have it is a recipe for disaster for me. As is letting it build and then exploding, taking it out on other people, sulking or letting it leak out in the wrong places.

Accepting it, talking about it, owning it and dealing with it is the way to go for me.

Hey, D/T I'm with you on this other than the managing my anger part I'm sure Anger is both a emotionial and environmental response, but depending on how quickly i become clear with Why the reaction , really spells out Whether its still the past bubbling up in the present, points for me too Really how important it might be to talk to someone about it....But if constantly defensive, demonstrating displeasure with alot of others actions and argumentative, I'm definetely in the need for a long talk and even some journalling to see where i'm coming from.....
Billy

Haha! Nicky and I had a lengthy discussion about this awhile back.

I am of the belief that " I " must avoid anger at all costs." I " am not equipped to handle the emotions that ensue in me. Anger leads me to drink, maybe not every time, but often enough.

I believe to discuss an issue without allowing anger into it solves much more than a heated argument.

Anger from me or against me serves no positive purpose in my life.

All that said, " I " have anger management issues. ;)

What positive result do you think comes from anger?

HTL, the fact that you dont agree with me is making me very angry right now!!!!! LOL, only joking!!

LMAO!! I actually got nervous there for a second. LOL!

I am getting soft.

Good question HTL. I think that without the capacity for anger I'd be a huge doormat in this world for one thing.
Don't get me wrong , when I say manage anger one of the first things I do is look to see what my part is in the issue .
All of the seven ( I hear now 8 deadlies) have a purpose. Without lust, no spieces, with anger we're doormats. The problem is we tend to take them to extremes.

I too try to avoid REACTING, on anger. Anger is an emotion that we all have, but your right, we need to control it. not let it control us. When I was younger and discovered the power of anger, I liked it. It could keep people away, and I thought allowed me more respect. As the years went by, anger caused me a lot of trouble, and took a lot of things away from me. In recovery I started learning that my reactions with anger always cost me. Although I felt justified and right a lot of times, it still always hurt myself a lot. I try not to get angry anymore. It's just not worth it. i always tell people that I work with that they have to pay me big money to get mad. It really isn't worth it. If I'm going to lose my peace, joy and happiness, then there had better be a good pay off, and there never is. Anger lets me know that I'm finding something unacceptable. The Big book tells us that acceptance is the key to our recovery. The more I work on accepting things, the less I find myself getting angry. have a good day. James

Anger is a normal emotion. It's how it's expressed that has to be managed. I have to let it go quickly. Express what I am feeling and move on. Otherwise, if I hold it in, I can easily go in to a rage. You wouldn't like me in a rage. I become very large and turn green.

DT,

I didn't say anything against passion, authority, or assertiveness. There is nothing more powerful than quiet confidence backed by knowledge. This is persuasion.

All of the above adds up to influence, IMO, and to do so is an art. Composure has helped me tremendously. When I lose my composure, I am not at the top of my game. It is usually a clear sign I am losing something.

Does your shirt split off and your trousers go short and purple as well Jim!!

I hear you D/T but anger directed at me or being projected out on others spells un-resolved issues , still for me, by not acknowledging them and trusting H/P and the process of recovery, to feel safe enough to Say enough is enough I give up ...Show me what it is i need to do to get unstuck from my feeling , constantly badgering me into reacting just as i did 5,10, 20 or 40 years ago....

yup and my shoes split off. Then I calm down and I am my meek and mild, be quiet and make no waves normal self.

I also believe that anger within reason, whether I like it or not, is going to occur. It's how long I hang onto it or if I obsess on the object of the anger that beomes unhealthy. Part of having a good sense of humor today is asking myself the question "how important is it REALLY?"

Also, when I hold onto anger for long, the time always comes when I have to ask myself the question "what's really going on". I can normally identify the root fear that is driving the anger beyond reason. There are also times when I need help to identify it. I don't know about learning how to control anger but I know my HP changes me as I become willing.

I used to hide my head in the sand but by stuffing it, the anger will always come out sideways, normally towards those who don't even have a part in it.

I say... stuff it like a cornish hen!

Haha JK, Glad.

If I were to stuff it, it would come out sideways later. I am trying my dangdest to actually and truly let it go. Sometimes this is almost impossible. Nevertheless, anger spins me around and puts me in places I don't like to be.

Very good points, glad. I think for me it is the AIMING to be free of anger that I am doing. Don't get me wrong. I ain't no zen buddha fluffy bunny rabbit. I still get pissed, just not so often. :)

I hear ya Anna. I strive for perfect ideals also. I also know I will never attain that perfection. The good news is, I only really need to seek progress.

I was a Type A, perfectionist all my life. It has taken much time for me to relax and not build Rome in a day. Learning how to be a human being, rather than a human doing! No mean feat for a drunk like me!

BTW, I couldn't help but notice how gracefully you handled yourself during all the drama. You didn't nibble. Good stuff! Now, that's true progress!