I guess I am a baby at this compared to you. When I first began people told me the reason I drank was due to underlying emotional issues. I did not doubt that, but I was desperate just to stop getting drunk everyday, and that took precedence over any need for self-introspection. Now, especially with the lockdown, I have had more time to just sit with myself, and many things have bubbled up to the surface. Childhood trauma, and bad coping mechanisms set the stage, but for my adult years, I place the blame squarely on my own shoulders. So many things coming back to me from my twenties- what an insane decade. A lot of bad things happened, some I repressed. If I feel like a drink now, I say to myself, "Of course, you do! Anyone who went through all that would need to drink to cover it all up, repress it, and forget.". I have been listening to a lot of classical music. I had been unable to listen to the old popular music from my youth now for a number of years, perhaps because on a very deep level, it was dragging to the surface a good many things I was trying to keep submerged. Been doing a lot of reading, as well, as I try to understand my bad thinking patterns and establish positive and mature coping strategies.

Congratulations on 8 years. You are right that, guilt is the single biggest trigger that alcoholics have to deal with...

You are a wonderful example for others to follow. Keep up the good work!

God Bless

I hear you about that tape playing in my head. ‘Don’t go down that road again, you know where it leads’
When I am honest about it it’s a mix of hope and fear that keeps that voice going. Sure, I feel better about myself and have positive energy. I also remember how broken I felt while I was drinking and can’t do that again to myself. Like being a prisoner in some dark cell. When you’re released the freedom is amazing but the shadow looming of being back in a cage will wake you up sweating in the night.
I don’t identify with being an alcoholic anymore. More like a survivor of a traumatic experience. The real kick is knowing that I inflicted it on myself.
Now I’m just a person who has learned another lesson and am more open to those I still have to learn.
But that’s me.
Such great work 1is2!!

It will be several years sober for me this year too. My job status is better, my bank account is better (it is actually positive), I have a car, I can afford food, I can take a vacation every now and then. I think most importantly I have much more different expectations of others, and the world. I used to see others as only there to serve my needs, or give me my wants, and I used to see the world as something greater than me that also owed me what it had to give.

I now understand people are just people trying to live their lives, and if I can help them and give to them when they want or need, it is a much better experience. I also see that this world, is burdened by people just as much as I used to see it as a burden to my wanting to drink and not be useful all the time.

I think the power to do for others has been the biggest thing gained. Yes the money, the job, the car, the friends, and the material gains are nice, but the reality that I treat people better, because I am not obsessing about what I think I need all the time, was well worth the work and stress early recovery required.

Treating people good, understanding they are doing the best they can and aren't always perfect or right, and being patient with them has been a great gift I wasn't able to do while drinking.

I finally have a life because I quit drinking. I'm stubborn and do everything the hard way, but when I set my mind to something, there's no going back. I love your positive attitude! I lived in a sober house for women for almost 9 months. It's the best thing i ever did. I now appreciate non-materialistic things. I am grateful that I am able-bodied, my hubby stood by me, and my daughter survived the trauma. It took a very long time to forgive myself and let go of the guilt. It was extremely hard and I couldn't even look at my daughter for the longest time because of the guilt and shame. I am no longer surviving day-to-day but am finally truly living. Acceptance and perseverance has lead the way. I am not ashamed to say that I am an alcoholic because I am greatly blessed. I would not see the blessings if I didn't struggle through hell and back.

I'm living with an alcoholic. It's very hard. He won't talk to me. Just vanishes for days and drinks til we're broke and he now shakes after not drinking for 8 hours.

He claims he has seen a therapist two weeks ago. Not sure, he was "gone,"

Supposedly he sees the therapist tomorrow. Hope so.

Any advice since you said you're sober now?