I am tired of the shame and guilt, bruises, blackouts, and passing out. With the exception of my pregnancies, I have been drinking for the past 25 years. I can go long periods without drinking, usually after I have scared myself after doing something stupid or becoming very sick. The past eight years I have enjoyed getting together with neighbors, playing cards, and drinking in excess. The past two years I started drinking a lot alone, especially when my husband is working night shift. He is a police officer. I just considered that time, my wine and relaxation time. But I would often be found by one of my sons passed out somewhere in my house. There are so many parties, movies, and special times that I have no memory of. Alcohol has been the center of so much of my life, from social gatherings, anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, and vacations. I often go to work so hangover, that I know I am not performing to the best of my ability. On December 20th, I drank before my son's 15th birthday dinner and celebration. I ended up in bed passed out, and missed the cake and celebration. I decided on the 21st to stop drinking. I had a wonderful sober Christmas with my family. Then I traveled to visit a long time friend of mine. I called her before I traveled and told her I wanted to stay sober. That lasted the first day. The second day I talked her into having wine and hanging out like old times. My husband and sons are very supportive and loving. They want a sober and healthy mom and wife. I have tried quitting many times, but never have been to a meeting. I plan on going once I get back home. I have a great family, have been married for 21 years, have three wonderful sons, and have a successful career. I was excited about finding this online group. I have been reading the posts for several days, and finally decided to post something. I look forward to going through this journey with people who understand.