Have you seen your doctor lately? Sounds like you may have some untreated issues like anxiety or OCD (Obsessive Compulsive disorder) or something else!

I remember starting over again, hundreds of times. It wasn't until I got the help I needed that i was able to get a handle on myself.

Your doctor can help you identify your triggers which predispose you to addiction. That should help!

God Bless!

For me I kind of liking it to a steam locomotive that I would constantly build up pressure and turn up the fire and increase the steam going and eventually alcohol was the only outlet for blowing off steam

I felt as if I would explode if I didn't get booze in me.

I drink b/c I'm alcoholic, I don't like to feel anything . It took some work but today I did not drink. You can too. You just need to learn how to manage that little thing called life. It can be done

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You are not alone. I am in the same boat. Days, weeks, months, without a sip and then all of a sudden, I choose to have a sip. I too feel like "all that to have to start all over".. I am not even physically addicted to alcohol. (Maybe mentally). Again, u r not alone...

I, too, had (when I was actively drinking) that Jekyll & Hyde thing going on. Now that you've hopefully learned something, what are you willing to do to better insure your sobriety?

I can certainly relate to this. Does anyone have a way to help get past that. When I fall off the wagon it is a plummet and it happens out of the blue. I really don't want to do it again.

I was like Bob in that I had an underlying mental disorder. In my experience my sleep and eating habits were/are a tip off when something was/is about to go awry mentally in my life. When I get into those states I make terrible decisions (not so much now) drunk or sober, although drinking amplified things beyond belief and kept me stuck on the treadmill...

Hello bnarton6161 & Aitchisonh,

There is an explanation for what you describe but unfortunately it is one that many alcoholics either do not understand or choose to ignore. Once you understand and accept the reason why this same thing keeps happening over and over you will be in a good position to apply a solution that works. There may of course be mental health issues that require professional help but most alcoholics probably do not fall into that category.

It is like having two personalities one sane the other crazy is a good way to describe it and this is very close to the truth. Whether or not you believe in Alcoholics Anonymous and the AA approach to alcoholism it may be useful to look at how the Big Book deals with this issue.

The BB tells us that an alcoholic suffers from a mental obsession for alcohol and an abnormal physical reaction that develops in the body once a drink is taken. It is the physical craving that causes the problem as it leads to more and more drinking and it is only by avoiding the first drink that the craving can be prevented. However, the mental obsession for alcohol is telling the alcoholic to take that first drink, despite all of the ugly and nasty things that resulted from drinking in the past. A person who is in the grip of this obsession is said to be defenceless against the thinking that leads up to taking that first drink, regardless of whether he or she has been sober for one day or for many months. All thoughts of the misery that drinking caused in the past are cast aside and there is often a belief that it will be different this time but of course it never is. Sometimes there is an understanding of what is almost certain to happen if that first drink is taken but normal concerns go out the window. The person who has this obsession is said to be suffering from a form of insanity, where alcohol is concerned. He or she may be able and intelligent and do responsible things in work or at home and may be normal in every other aspect of life but where alcohol is concerned, there is that bit of insanity.

In order to avoid this cycle of having periods of sobriety followed by relapse it is necessary to find some means of removing the obsession that leads to taking the first drink. As can be seen from different threads here, there are many ways that people deal successfully with this problem, including the approach advocated by Alcoholics Anonymous. It is easier for some than for others and although one person may find sobriety through relatively simple methods, there will be many others who will struggle with those methods. The AA Twelve Step programme of recovery has been developed in such a way that it works for nearly all who honestly desire sobriety and who are willing to do whatever it takes in order to get it. It uses a spiritual (not religious) approach and the result is that by Step 10, sanity will have been restored or in other words, the obsession for alcohol will be gone.

The obsession does not necessarily go away just because an alcoholic stops drinking. It can lurk in the background while everything seems rosy in the garden until some day it will rise to the surface and the insane thought will come that one drink would do no harm. AA offers a solution to the problem and for those who dislike AA there are other methods.

Geez, you are not alone! That's the sickness of alcoholism. There is much talk about it in AA. That's why we have to "keep coming back" over and over again.

I keep saying this, but I believe it is true - alcohol is cunning, baffling, and powerful. It will eat you alive, until there is nothing left. It will totally possess you - always having that devil on your shoulder and fighting and struggling, like two people within us. People talk about it in AA all the time. I go through it everyday.

Just writing about it helps a lot. We'll eventually understand.