Hi

Today is day 4,or better , 57 out of 58.


What I meant by lack of repercussions was that I was in NYC by myself so I didn't need to drive and my wife wasn't there to see me misbehaving.

Of course the hangover and guilt the next morning were repercussions!

What it boiled down to was that I wanted to drink. I realize that now. We have no booze in the house so it's easy to not drink and when we go out and I am driving I don't drink and that seems easy too. But being in the city made me realize I still have a desire to drink which I still need to conquer.

Rich

That's a powerful insight, Rich. I'll admit, there are a couple of little devil horns holding up my halo and I found it irresistible to try to "get away" with drinking. I obviously loved getting drunk -- it shut down my brain which was always in overdrive -- and I couldn't accept that, for me, drinking was a disaster when it wasn't for other people.

I did a stellar job of destroying my family's trust so they suspected I was drinking even when I wasn't. Of course, they couldn't appreciate just how monumental it was to resist alcohol in the first place.

Once I truly believed that alcohol had no redeeming qualities for me, then I set about removing it from my life. Wishing you the best .... you're on the right track.

I am sorry you are going through this. You made it longer than me! You can do this!
I understand what you say about accountability. It is easier for me to behave when somebody is with me.

Hang in there and obviously you need to change you environment going forward until you feel confident you will not be tempted. Your alcohol free now, that's great! Keep going no matter how many tries, something will click for you keep you from going back.

the big book of AA says there will come a time where no human power will keep us from a drink and that is when we need a higher power.....does this ring a bell for you?

I am sorry, Rich, about the relapse but I too pass no judgement, and certainly no one should be shaming or ridiculing!
Rich, for myself, I waited a long time before venturing out in venues where there would be a drunk raucous, bars, and any reminder of the "old days" when drinking was fun (towards the end, it was never fun). It didn't help my resolve.
I know others hold the opinion that avoiding such situations is just coddling, but I simply see it as I am not going to pick a scab that hasn't fully healed, if healed is what I am after!
Now I go to bars, out to restaurants, live in a house with a full bar, and my commitment and resolution wouldn't be so strong if I hadn't allowed myself all the time that I needed.
You do what is right for your sobriety, and if it means turning down nights out with friends for months or even a year, then that's what you have to do!
You're back to sobriety now, and that's the most important thing.

The allure of a bunch of others drinking and having fun is just too much for me to handle. I sure can go there and get out without drinking but the envy and desire of the normal drinker starts to work at my brain. Thing is most of all the ppl at the party will wake and not have another till the next big party. No me. I wake and want more.

I wish you long term sober. live long and thrive. Cmon

1-2

The desire to drink comes and goes, and over time it comes less and and less until it pretty much disappears. at least that's how it has been for me.

In my first year of sobriety I flew to Europe on a red-eye. The attendants came by and offered everyone wine or beer to drink -- no charge. No one would know. I was in a plane 30,000 feet over the ocean. It would help me get some sleep. Everyone else was having wine and a snack and boy was it tempting. I declined and I am glad for it. If I did have the wine I would have done exactly what you did -- realized what and why I did, and then shut down all possibility of having another drink.

So now you know a little more about yourself and when/why you want to drink. Lesson learned and not one you need to repeat.

I'm so sorry to read this. I hope you find sobriety again --- and fast.

Hey Everyone

Thanks again for all the responses.

I will continue to be introspective about why I drink and will be careful in the future to not put myself in positions like I did last Monday, at least not until I have more confidence I can stay sober in that kind of situation.

Rich

Your more aware now of what thoughts will lead you to drink and can recognize and avoid those thoughts. You stopped before and can do it again.

I've stopped again since last Monday so today is day 7 and 60 of 61.

That's great!! this is not easy so be proud of yourself for every step you make in the right direction. for what it's worth, I'm proud of you! :)

Some good advice here, but remember there are as many paths to sobriety as there are people. I just want to assure you no here will ridicule you for a relapse.

Hi Rich -- Great to hear from you my friend. I went thru huge longings Saturday night and yesterday in my house. We had my brother and his girlfriend, my folks and my in-laws over for Easter dinner. My folks and my brother stayed over here for the past 3 days, so there was some drinking done by them, mostly wine.

I went to an AA meeting on Sat. night and by the time I got back 2 hours later, everyone was laughing a little more and a little louder and clearly feeling good -- not hammered, but certainly "lively" I did miss that in a way that I haven't for the past 6 months. I soldiered on w/out picking up, but I had to wallow in the pity party pool for awhile before slogging back out. You can do this Rich and we are here to help you, but as others have said, you have to want it for you -- ultimately. Your friend on the path, PG