Your posting sounds a lot like me. My body had become conditioned to expect the alcohol effect every afternoon. I am 8 days into my second attempt at sobriety in 45 years and have immersed myself in everything I can find about the subject of alcohol use. Some of these resources have really resonated with me. I would like to suggest you watch the following video on U-Tube:

http://www.youtube.com/user/AlcoholMasteryTV

Good luck and keep following this discussion group!

Old habits are are to break, eh?

I was in a similar position. I could not drive by the liquer store on my way home from work without stoping in to buy a Jack Daniels. Even changing my route didn't help!

I knew I needed help because I just couldn't do it alone. I had some issues going one that predisposed me to addiction and I knew it. I had been told by doctors and therapists through the years, so finally, I take my doctor's advice, realize I have a problem that I am clueless on how to handle, and I check myself into detox.

It was pretty scary at first because I didn't know what to expect but it was the absolute best decision I ever made. It was the beginning of a new life for me, a sober life and it all started with an evaluation by a counselor in the substance abuse program of our local hospital.

I had 4 days of detox where I received a complete physical, and that was followed by a 3 week IOP where I learned new coping skills and how to enjoy a sober lifestyle. I was also treated for some things that predisposed me to addiction such as my dad's death and depression.

After the IOP, I was refered for additional aftercare in the form of 3 months of relapse prevention group counseling where I learned what my triggers were and we each, with the help of each other, learned stategies' on how to deal with them.

Throughout all the treatment I had, AA meetings were a requirement. I have a sponser, I have done the steps and I still attend occasional meetings.

That was over 7 years ago. Today I live my life by the 12 steps and I have never been happier!

God Bless!

Hello Destinymichelle,

Your post reminds me so much of where I was before I stopped drinking. I had forgotten about the struggle to make the bottle last another day and the worry when it went below half empty even though it was still early in the day. The discussion with myself in the bar about whether I should have two drinks now and four later or four now, leaving only two for the end of the night, knowing that two drinks was not enough at any time. Always going to do something about my drinking tomorrow. And yet I would have been highly insulted if anyone suggested that I was an alcoholic.

For me it came to a point where I was prepared to do anything to stop drinking, even though I would have loved to keep going. Regardless of the label, all of the things that you have stated about your drinking points to alcoholism and whether you like it or not, that is the reality. The big question is, have you had enough. If the answer is in the positive then you will be willing to do whatever it takes in order to get sober. I came from a position of hating AA but yet I went to meetings six nights a week for three months and in spite of myself I found the answer to the alcohol problem.

I never tried AA. Instead, once I recognised that I could not do this on my own (after trying and failing) I became willing to commit to everything that AA had to offer, in much the same way that a drowning man would grab a lifebelt. Joining this group may help you but there is a good chance that you will need more. Are you willing to do whatever it takes?

Thanks everyone for your replies. PJ54, you asked the question that I'm still kind of struggling with. I know that I want to stop drinking but how far I can take that, I don't know. I wanted to stop drinking when I attended AA awhile back, but that didn't get me very far. I try to stop drinking on my own and that becomes nothing but a joke.

Hello again Destinymichelle,

I have an opinion on everything but am expert on nothing so dont take what I say as gospel. What I do know is that I was once in a similar place to where you are now, that the whole thing turned around completely and that life without alcohol is not just possible but very enjoyable.

I was so fond of drinking that I considered remortgaging our house when the money had run out. I would have paid a very high price for the ability to keep getting drunk but yet there came a time when I had a big decision to make. Maybe you are at that crossroads too and you have to decide. One road leads to more drinking, greater misery and sadly for many alcoholics, an early grave. The other road leads to recovery from alcoholism but it requires willingness and effort on your part. We live in an age when governments print money in order to kick the problem down the road and postpone the day of reckoning that will surely come at some point. You can also try to kick the alcohol problem down the road but just as sure as the Greeks had to make an unpalatable deal with their debtors, so too will the alcoholic have to face reality.

In my own experience there were several barriers to getting sober. The biggest hurdle was ignorance about the problem that I suffered from and a denial of the reality of my situation. Once I learned a little about alcoholism I knew where I stood and where I would be likely to end up if I kept drinking. Years of alcohol abuse also led to a warped way of thinking and what may have been absurd thinking to a normal person seemed like normality to me. For instance, I had wrongly come to believe that I could not function at any level without alcohol, something that I have proved to be wrong for several years now.

Attending AA will work for some people but as you have rightly pointed out, it didnt get you very far. You have tried to stop drinking on your own and that didnt get you far either so a good starting point is in understanding why those things did not work for you. If you are an alcoholic, drinking has become an obsession and as a result you are often defenceless against the thinking that leads up to taking the first drink. When you stop drinking you will have pitted your willpower and determination against the urge to drink. This approach seems to work for some people, up to a point at least. However, an obsession is a powerful force and it is likely to overcome your willpower at some point and you drink again.

In order to recover from alcoholism it is wise to find some means of removing that obsession for alcohol. In that way you are no longer fighting against it but instead, the problem has been removed. There are probably many ways of removing the obsession and any method that works is as good as the next. The AA approach is a programme of recovery commonly known as the Twelve Steps. You have attended AA meetings but that alone is only a starting point. Recovery is to be found in the Steps.

The video below may be of interest:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pVBDQPC2XQ

This is what I think, based on what I know and what I went through.

You crave a drink because you are physically dependent (addicted) to alcohol. When you do make it through a night without drinking you are unable to sleep and feel awful the next day because you are going through withdrawals.

I had to hit the point where I was honest about my drinking to myself. I had to face what was actually going on. That I could not live without drinking but drinking was destroying me. At that point I no longer tried to quit, I had to quit. I made it through the first awful days and life got a whole lot better.

I am not an AA person -- lots of us quit without it. That said, it probably won't hurt to check it out again.

You might also want to check out Women For Sobriety. They have online meetings and good support:

http://www.womenforsobriety.org/beta2/

it is possible to live with out the booze. plug the jug@!!!@!@!
1is2many

make the choice not to drink today. just think about the time till you hit the pillow.. dont get into projecting, i will never have a cold one here there at a wedding etc. just dont have a drink today.

You can do it. I believe!

WOW....Did I write this or you because your story is mine also. I say I will not drink....but I do, I say I will not buy alcohol, but I do. I wish there was a grocery store that did not sell alcohol. I can almost make it through the store but will turn around to pick up a bottle. I hide alcohol all over the house and forget where I have put it. OOPS. I have a really hard time between 2 and 6pm. I too tried AA and could not get into it, too religious for me. I have found some help that I hope you can use. I purchased the book "The Easy Way to Control Alcohol" by Allen Carr. It has very good reviews and he also does not agree with AA. I have also been taking Kudzu. It is a herb that you can buy at health stores. It really helps me with controlling the urges, I have other books that I have read...for me power is through reading. I with you girl...all the way!

Like many on here I have lived this cycle as well . I guess the more positive thoughts you can put in your mind the better your days go . I just listened to an old book on the web called the power of positive thinking ,, its working ,fill your mind with positive thoughts and good things will happen.

Yep I could have written this as well. Only difference is I don't have trouble sleeping when I don't drink.....but I do get cranky sometimes. I don't have advice for you bc I'm in your boat....but do know that there are a lot of other ppl with the same story.

Let's hop on the wagon and do this together.

This is me also...I only drink at night but then one becomes two and so on and so on. I do want to get off this roller coaster. I have quit and go for several days until I give in again so I know it is possible. I came here for the support when the urge gets overwhelming and I will look into the other suggestions. I am reading some different books on alcoholism and trying to implement what I am reading. I cannot take time off from work for detox and I didn't care for AA although I do believe in a higher power. I truly believe it is going to be cold turkey for me but am not above natural aides, such as vitamins. I am still drinking but hitting that disgusted with myself point.

Hello and welcome. That cycle certainly described me to a "T." I'd wake up every morning, feeling like crap both physically and mentally and swear that it would be my day to either quit or cut back.

By lunchtime, when I was more hydrated and blood sugar stabilized, I'd start thinking about after work. I'd give in to the pull of the liquor (drugstore or grocery) store to buy wine. Attempts to cut back didn't work and I'd end up justify drinking and enjoy the buzz.

The problem was that I couldn't stop until I'd consumed one of those bottles of wine that is equivalent to two bottles. I finally quit a little over a year ago.

The first week or so was rough with the insomnia and anxiety and loss of appetite. I stocked up on almond M&Ms and was craving of all things, veggie chips! I just made sure that I always had a glass of ice water on hand to help rehydrate and give me the sensation of "something to drink."

A year later, I am ready to work on treating the anxiety that I was self-medicating. My anxiety is way better because excessive alcohol consumption makes that 1000X worse! I was also addicted to xanax and I am happy to say that I no longer take ANYTHING for anxiety. That still doesn't mean that I don't feel it, but it's not insurmountable.

Anyway, I am so happy that you found us! Keep on posting. Being here helps me so much.