I guess it is something I must decide for myself...
I dont know yet...we will see how everything goes....
I know I do not want to drink though...I do not want to go back to that life style....

The question is how badd do you want to stay sober. Relationships with the oppisite sex (or the sex you are physically attracted to) are not conducive to staying sober when one is new to sobriety. Dating does constitute a relationship. Unless you say up front there will be no touching no flirting and we will only see each other once.
Right now you have a big hole inside that you are used to filling with alcohol and from the sounds of it men.
One of the the things that you need to learn is how to be all alone with no romantic relationship in your life without feeling lonely. You need to get to know yourself aand like yourself. Take the time to do it and your future relationships will be much healthier and less needy.
Everything I've said is based on my personal experience and watching others. I'm telling you the truth as I see it based on that experience.

But I have not been in a serious relationship in 3 years, I hardly think I am clingy...I do like my alone time, and learning to love myself...I am not perfect though...
ahh...I dont know, I know what you mean....just wait...

hi ashley,i can only give you my personal experience in dating in early recovery..for one it slowed my fellowship and working my sreps as i should.two i dated a guy that didnt drink and went to church all the time.i thought things would be good he turned very controling and i almost relapsed getting out of it.i found that i need that year to know me..to build me..make me strong and get me more involved in loving myself..im not selfish by no means but i have to have bounderies in relationships and must bail first flag i see.i cant tell you which way to go but whichever way you chose to live keep you recovery first..serenity second..and stay grateful..one day at a time..and stay stong..goodluck...ps..i too get loney but i got abunch of recovery women friends that take that lonely right away..

Ashley - Read what Reed wrote about the "big hole inside that you are used to filling with alcohol and from the sounds of it men. "
I was taught early in sobriety that hole was my 'God sized hole'. If you miss hanging out...why not try establishing some friendships with other women in recovery.
As someone who filled that hole with men, education, good deeds perfectionism and finally alcohol...I have been there!

You will get a lot of suggestions, try following the lead of others who have been through this before

Recovery is hard and doesn't feel good in the first year. You don't want to exchange your sobriety and growth for something that "feels good" right now that you can't depend on. Care for and love yourself first. Follow your conscience. Sobriety at first feels lonely because you lost your very best friend which was booze. Keep moving forward girl.. The loneliness will fade and each day will be happier if you don't drink. Love with a man will always be there when you get to the other side.

I know that I need to stay focused on my recovery...I am a lost messed up still...I mean my thinking, still have craving, and now is not the time...
but it sucks...lol....i miss being loved, it has been awhile....
I slipped up not too long ago and called my ex boyfriend to come over...needed more beer...lol...joking, I got bored....but he has been texting me a lot more and wanting to get back together...oh no, not going to do it...He is an alcoholic, I think, so it is not him that I miss BUT the feeling of being loved by someone else.....
And them I was on this local dating site and an old friend was hitting on me...the guy I wrote about...and he asked me out this weekend...I told him maybe....I dont know...
Oh, this is funny, when I first meet him a couple years ago, he told me that he had a gerraffi (sp) and I am so gulable that I believed him...he lied to me for about a week....jerk...and no geraffi...lol....


I should just keep him as a friend I think...no romantic dinners...lol

I think you have dating/love/loneliness and several other concepts intertwined like a ball of string. You can hang out with a guy to be friends, but remember that means you pay sometimes, call to meet and decide what to do etc. If you don't, then you are dating, even if you say you are just friends.

I know it sucks to be lonely. Why don't you find friends of the same sex that don't drink, so you aren't playing games with some poor guy's emotions?

Hey Ashley, you know from the sounds of it...is it fair to say that you've already decided to give it a whirl and just having second thoughts?

I can't offer you any advice on this topic, I'm hopeless in romantic relationships, ven before I ever took a drink.

My question is how are you with being settled in other areas, job, friends, family? Do you feel like these areas are going the way you want them? I'd recommend you at least feel settled and comfortable in these areas,they are way easier then romantic relationships (at least for me..)

I do agree with what some of the others have said about finding other ways to deal with lonliness. If lonliness and feeling love is the problem there are lots of solutions rather than romantic love: your new nephew, family, you mention something about the neighbors being helpful maybe making friends with them, volunteer work is a great way to give and recieve love if you find the right type of work...just my thoughts! Good luck and keep us posted regardless of what you decide.

Oh i was not going to say a word, I really dont think a man can get you drunk or keep you sober.Its your program and its up to you to make sure you dont make him your higher power,and you stick to your program!!My Question is WHY in a BAR!!Ive heard along the way "If you hang out in a barber shop, Your gonna got a hair cut!"My point being made i hope...

What is it that you have to offer in this pending relationship? What will you be bringing to the table?

There is a lot of good advice on here already, but ask yourself one question. Are you ready to face the consequences of this,are you strong enough? Also think about him, could you hurt him?

look into the eyeballs.... LOL cracks me up for some reason

But on second thought, you know when I first started seeing my exboyfriend, one day he looked at me and I saw something in his eyes. A glint if you will, that looked like deception and crazy. I found out 18 months later how true it was. I think I may be a wee bit psychic.

I have heard lots about not drinking and not dating while yur doing it. I don't believe any of it. I say if you want to date go for it. You are going to have to face it any way and you know your perameters, so I don't see any sense at all in sitting at home and being lonley. You can also get your priorities up front right away (if you want to) Go for it.