Hey Ashley, when I first went to AA I disagreed with way more than I agreed with!
Especially the God/Higher Power stuff.

As Loved1 said a good start is to go with what it says in the book rather than what you hear in meetings - they are not always one and the same.

Do go to AA, stick around and different things will start to make sense as time goes on.

Most importantly focus on the step that you are on and dont worry about the ones ahead.

My attitude and outlook on life have changed dramatically since I first went to an AA meeting but it didnt happen over night.

There are still things that people believe/say/think that i dont agree with but I have worked the steps as they are in the book using my own conception of spirituality, higher power etc. I have not found anything that, once i truly understood the principles behind it, I was unable to come to terms with and understand in my own way.


We do have to change our ways of thinking and some of our attitudes and stuff because that is what enables us to live a different way of life but that doesnt mean a comprimise of all your existing beliefs. As time goes on it will all happen if you keep at it. Its a cliche but trust the process.

Please fell free to message me anytime with things you are unsure of or cant come to terms with and I will do my best to be of help if I can.

Step one is admitting you have a problem and your life has become unmanagable. You don't have to take everything AA preaches. But, you say you do believe in God and praying, so try it. Sometimes AA seems to give you tall orders. In my experience, it's never given me more than I can handle.

Good luck and God bless.

When I was sober about three months I was finally driving again for the first time in a year and a half. For $600 I had bought me a Subaru station wagon with a barely legal muffler and was living in a state that didn't require insurance, which I couldn't afford anyway. That car got me to AA meetings and that was the whole point. It also had lots of stickers on it, and when I won a "One Day At A Time" bumper sticker in a raffle, it covered two big rust holes on the rear lid very nicely.

After a couple of weeks I got the bright idea that it would be fun to drive up to northern Vermont where I'd lived 20 years before and maybe visit some old friends. The real and devious motive, of course, was to sneak away from the people who had kindly let me in because they knew I was trying to stay sober, and get drunk where they wouldn't see me or hear about it.

By the time I pulled off the interstate in Littleton, NH, I had it all figured out. I mean, you can't pull the wool over the eyes of an ex monk and one-time ace of a barstool theologian, can you? The brilliant and tightly reasoned conclusion I'd arrived at was that the higher power and all that God stuff was just a fairy tale to get newcomers over the hump. After some unknown number of days, a kindly oldtimer would surely take me aside and let me in on this secret that I was sure they were keeping from me-- for my own good, of course. Thought they could fool a savvy old former believer, did they? I congratulated myself for having a spiritual edge on these pathetic amateurs.

So with my newfound insight it made perfect sense that if I had stopped drinking in January, I could stop again in April or any other time I wanted to. Therefore, I would buy a jug of vodka, check into a motel, get plastered and go back to AA the next day if I didn't like the results.

Yet for some strange reason, my heart was pounding, my breath was shallow & short, my tongue tasted like sandpaper and my palms were sweating so badly that the steering wheel was wet. I stopped in the tiny village of Colebrook for gas, and as I was paying the kid and getting ready to ask him where the nearest liquor store was, the mechanic stepped out of the garage, walked over and said, "I like your bumper sticker, pal."

"Which one?" I asked.

"The one that says 'one day at a time,'" he said. "We need a speaker tonight at the Coos County Jail, and you've just been elected. It starts at 7:30 and please be on time, or the guards won't let you in."

"Oh shit," I whispered to self under my breath. I had completely forgotten it was there.

But I nodded numbly, and with no further conversation he walked back into the shop. My hand was shaking so badly that I could barely get the key back in the ignition. I looked up at the open sky and said, "You got me."

Instead of drinking that night, I went to the meeting and told the story as I've written it above. That was 19 years ago and I still occasionally have those little epiphanies, those moments of inspired insight when I'm convinced I've found the permanent cure for alcoholism. But they don't last, thank God.

That is really an amazing story I hope that I can become closer to God again...it is one thing I know that I need to work on......I dont know if Ill ever get to the point of turning it all over to him but who know huh?
thank you for sharing that though....it is inspiring

Step One is about admitting we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives have become unmanageable. If this is the step you are on, it doesn't say anything about a Higher Power or God just yet.

It wasn't hard for me from the very beginning to admit I had a huge problem with alcohol and it definetly was screwing up my daily life and relationships.

I went to AA to just listen to the stories of others. You need to look for the simularities and not the differences. Don't rush into anything yet. Just listen. Take a phone list for the AA meeting and if you hear someone share something you can relate to, mark their name on the list.

Take it One day at a Time, one minute at a time if need be. Just don't drink today.

Nemo;

I to have"little epiphanies". So many tiny miracles have stood in between me and alcohol that I can't help but wonder if I have lost "the power of choice" to drink again.

Ashley - I did not believe a great deal of what I heard in meetings - but I was told to take what worked for me and leave the rest - so I did. There is no one way to work this program - just take yourself to meetings and listen. Its amazing what you will learn about you and your drinking and it's amazing how your drinking can be lifted from you.

I have found that even if I don't turn something over to the care of God - when it becomes unbearable - I have no choice.

Nice one Nemo, that is exactly how it works. Is it odd or is it God? One just needs to pay attention to those little miracles. Your HP was doing for you what you might not have done for yourself!

I dawned on me that God has been there for me many, many times before I quit drinking. Possibly, why I am here at all. I no longer question this - I don't have to, cuz I just know. Something saved me and it wasn't my intention to be saved. (referring to my life)

It wasn't a belief in a higher power at first-it was about letting go of things I had no control over-like people, and situations. Just doing what I could and letting the rest go. When I saw that things worked out pretty good it was easier the next time until it became the way I live.

Live and let live.

What I can control is in my hoola hoop.

Angel,

Carl Jung once said that religion is a defense against the experience of God, rather than a means to it. That, in essence, is what he told Rowland H. in that story on pages 26 & 27 of the BB:

http://anonpress.org/bb/Page_26.htm

http://anonpress.org/bb/Page_27.htm

An interesting question is why Jung didn't explain all that to Rowland the first time. And I think the answer is that Jung knew that Rowland wasn't ready to grasp it, because he was still persuaded that his religious practices amounted to the same thing. So Jung really had no choice but to let him find out the hard way by getting drunk again.

The longer I'm sober the more I'm convinced that it's impossible to describe that sort of experience in doctrinal or theological terms. It simply oesn't work to be in awe of something greater than ourselves and an authority on the subject at the same time. What Jung was talking about was perhaps better articulated later by Joseph Campbell:

"The imagery of mythology is symbolic of spiritual powers within us: when these are interpreted as referring to historical or natural events which science in turn shows could not have occurred, then you throw the whole thing out. You see, myths do not come from a concept system; they come from a life system; they come out of a deeper center. We must not confuse mythology with ideology. Myths come from where the heart is, and where the experience is, even as the mind may wonder why people believe these things. The myth does not point to a fact; the myth points beyond facts to something that informs the fact."

Theology takes the myth to a level of abstraction that's even further away from that deeper center, not closer to it. Theology is the attempt to organize the experience told in myth, art or poetry so it can explained by bureaucrats-- which really doesn't describe or explain it at all.

Ok, listen up. I have over 25 years sobriety in A.A. I can speak with authority.

A.A. meetings are NOT A.A.

The meetings are where we go to fellowship with one another. We share a common bond of alcoholism, and are in possession of a spiritual experience with the Creator.

If you suffer from the disease of alcoholism the outlook is dim. Most alkies never make it to A.A. They are in mental wards, prisons, hospitals, and grave yards. The disease does not care if you are rich, poor, black, white, asian, or hispanic. It has been around ever since man first crushed grapes.

The disease is two fold. An allergy of the body to alcohol, and an obsession of the mind to get it. The obsession can not be broken by man. It takes an act of Providence to remove it. Providence is defined as: foresight, and care that God exercises over His creatures. This is what it takes to put the drink down, if you are a REAL alcoholic.

Does that help you out?

If you have this devastating disease, you should be concerned about living rather than who, or what, is in an AA meeting.

Guru

Nemo,
What I think you are saying is that our experience of the unexplainable is the means in which faith in such is developed?

Am I close?

I was very mixed up and had a hard time understanding anything about the AA program when I first started trying to sober up.All the Higher Power stuff was a lot for my twisted mind to digest.A lot of it became clearer over time.Pay close attention to the people who have what you want.People who have a good program going on will be the ones who are happy,joyous and free.The ones who share their experience strength and hope without all the preaching are the ones to keep your eyes and ears on.It does take time to grasp what the AA program is all about.Just try and keep an open mind.It does work.

Angel,

You mentioned that you've been reading Sogyal Rinpoche, and I can totally relate to this quote:

"The fear that impermanence awakens in us, that nothing is real and nothing lasts, is, we come to discover, our greatest friend because it drives us to ask: If everything dies and changes, then what is really true? Is there something behind the appearances? Is there something in fact we can depend on, that does survive what we call death?

"Allowing these questions to occupy us urgently, and reflecting on them, we slowly find ourselves making a profound shift in the way we view everything. We come to uncover in ourselves 'something' that we begin to realize lies behind all the changes and deaths in the world.

"As this happens, we catch repeated and glowing glimpses of the vast implications behind the truth of impermanence. We come to uncover a depth of peace, joy and confidence in ourselves that fills us with wonder, and breeds in us gradually a certainty that there is in us 'something' that nothing destroys, and that cannot die."

"As this happens, we catch repeated and glowing glimpses of the vast implications behind the truth of impermanence. We come to uncover a depth of peace, joy and confidence in ourselves that fills us with wonder, and breeds in us gradually a certainty that there is in us 'something' that nothing destroys, and that cannot die."

I truely understand this...amazing

Angel,

I had one of those glimpses big-time just this week. It was a rare, mild, momentary and most likely harmless chest pain, but it was definitely one of those involuntary "What if?" moments.

Quite to my surprise, instead of anything like panic, I had this incredibly comforting feeling of coming home, like I was walking up to a very familiar house with the smell of baking bread coming out the windows. No martini EVER did that for me. I'm tellin' ya, this stuff is good!