Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
This coming May 2nd I will not have had a drink for 31 years. I'm not bragging - I'm saying this because I have not felt more like drinking at any time during my sobriety than I do right now.
I want to get a fifth of scotch, a bag of ice and a gallon of very cold milk and drink myself into oblivion right now. I used to love good scotch and cold milk. I also loved Courvoisier congnac - and a fifth of Courvoisier sounds perfect.
I'm trying to remember why I want to be sober right now.
My relationship with my son is not good - I don't like my new home at all - my neighbors are jerks and my deceased husband's partner keeps trying to take everything I own. I'm just tired of it all.
If I was dressed right now = I could easily be out the door and on down to the liquor store. The only thing that is stopping me is that I'm in my pj's and I don't know what I would do if I got drunk. I've got a lot of anger bottled up inside and I do tend to get on the phone and tell people what I really think of them when I"m drunk. The other thing that is stopping me is that the one and only liquor store in this God forsaken town does not deliver.
Ok - thanks for reading this. I'm am truly not in a good place and I truly have no idea of what I really want anymore.
I want to get a fifth of scotch, a bag of ice and a gallon of very cold milk and drink myself into oblivion right now. I used to love good scotch and cold milk. I also loved Courvoisier congnac - and a fifth of Courvoisier sounds perfect.
I'm trying to remember why I want to be sober right now.
My relationship with my son is not good - I don't like my new home at all - my neighbors are jerks and my deceased husband's partner keeps trying to take everything I own. I'm just tired of it all.
If I was dressed right now = I could easily be out the door and on down to the liquor store. The only thing that is stopping me is that I'm in my pj's and I don't know what I would do if I got drunk. I've got a lot of anger bottled up inside and I do tend to get on the phone and tell people what I really think of them when I"m drunk. The other thing that is stopping me is that the one and only liquor store in this God forsaken town does not deliver.
Ok - thanks for reading this. I'm am truly not in a good place and I truly have no idea of what I really want anymore.
Instead of trying to "remember why you want to be sober right now............."
Try to remember WHY YOU GOT SOBER.
Why did you get sober?
Yes - I quit drinking because I could not stand it any longer - I couldn't get drunk and I couldn't get sober - I was in a gray place that was full of pain. I felt like my nerves were raw with razor blades scraping against them. I drank to get to sleep and woke up 2 hours later to drink some more to get to sleep and just kept doing that. I got so scared.
What is bothering me the most is that drinking has not bothered me at all up until just the past few weeks - and it has been on m mind intermittently over these weeks.
I would get in my car - if I drank - I know that because I always did. I really don't know what I would do if I drank and that is about the only thing that is keeping me from drinking right now.
Dreaming - thank you again for responding. I just want it all to go away right now - and I'm not sure what I mean by "all".
Billy
Well we all go through emotional problems and have to deal with them, nothing new there and if alcohol helped then I would be the first one down to the bar, but alcohol is an escape nothing more, the problems still have to be addressed.
The MOST WONDEFUL thing that I found some 35 years ago and Im not bragging either was the AA 4th step, I have used that step for all sorts of problems and with all sorts of people with all sorts of living and emotional problems and if Im honest, I can see the problems that I am/was having and its always me WANTING SOMETHING and not getting my way, always, I want, i want and I will drink if you do not give me what i want.
with me it was always the same if I do not WANT something then I never have any problems, my problems start with me WANTING SOMETHING, wanting people places and things to do what I want hahahahahahah. , yes what i want
I was able to use the AA 4th step putting pen to paper filling in the 4 columns of the 4th step and seeing why I was so angry bitter and so resentful at people places and things and why I wanted to live in the poor me, its so wonderful, so easy blaming others for how I was feeling.
Wow I could feel sorry for myself instead of taking any responsibility and I could blackmail my family and friends saying (just as Bill W did many times when his wife was complaining about Bill smoking) I feel like a drink and if you do not leave me alone I will drink and it will be your fault, yes I will blamre you for my choice to drink.
Now lol does that not remind you of how a child would act, yes I had child like emotions and you know the saying I liked best when people did not agree with me, YOU DONT UNDERSTAND, MY PROBLEMS ARE DIFFERENT AND YES, I KNOW THAT! hahahaha. Thinking of you..
I'm sorry for what you are going through, but drinking again, won't make it any easier. What will, is doing the legwork needed to keep moving forward, a whole lot of Faith, and patience that this too shall pass.
Life's hurdles sometimes seem higher than others. One thing I've found, is I don't have to jump them alone. Your not alone LJ, you have our support and friendship.
Happy Birthday for Tuesday, and WOW on 31 years coming up. That's quite an inspiration and a bright shining light for others. Keep persevering.
I have so much gratitude for the honesty of your message because it is so true that time does not nessarily mean "immunity". Every day isn't a cake walk but I've not had to walk alone through my sorrows. Congrats on your impendng milestone. You have my utmost respect & admiration.
I think you've had some awesome responses here. Please keep coming back and posting instead of picking up that drink.
Anger can do a real number on us - it's such a controlling and destructive emotion - i truly do understand that. I know when I am consumed with anger, that nothing seems to go right and I am ready to throw my hands up in the air. i do turn to God, I learn to forgive and i remember my anger management classes.
Please come here and vent out your anger, don't let it consume you to drink - you've come to far to turn back now.
Peace!
Hope you had a peacefull sleep and feel better today
Sounds like are disease is not content with being arrested for 31 years and is rearing its ugly head so to speak.
.You must have a lot of tools youve aquired over your long sobriety .Hopefully you'll use some today.Thanks for reminding me that it is one day at a time
The shame.....using more and more....it starting not to work....deep depression...
You have a chance sober to adjust your attitude and feel that beautiful serenity again.
With that much sobriety, with all due respect, your not a spring chicken. A bender could well be your last, your mind wants it but your body will react....not always good either
lost 5 yrs sobriety once....I pray daily that it never occurs again.
Best
If you're sober, you'll be better equipped to take on your deceased husbands partners & maintain everything you own. No chance of that if you're drunk right?
Hold on, love. Your situation is not hopeless, NOTHING is hopeless. You'll be in my prayers Linda-stay around here and talk about it okay? Stay in your pj's all day too if necessary. :)