Hello sugar1189,

Others will no doubt disagree but in my opinion it is not normal to relapse. That is not to say that it does not happen to a great many alcoholics or that anyone has the right to take the so-called high moral ground and judge those who relapse. The strange thing about alcoholism is although it is someone else who is relapsing today, it could so easily be me tomorrow.

The reason I say that relapse is not normal is that to me it indicates that the problem is not being addressed in a manner that makes success more likely. A persons thinking changes for the worst as they gradually descend into alcoholism. Of necessity the bar keeps getting lowered in order to justify overindulgence in drinking. In order to recover from alcoholism it is often necessary to reverse that negative thinking and that is not always easy to do.

You have been going to AA and you are familiar with some of the common things that people are encouraged to do when they get the urge to drink such as calling another alcoholic and reading the Big Book. However, while it is good to do those things it is not enough to change your way of thinking. An alcoholic will have become obsessed with drinking and this is something that is deeply ingrained on the mind. Your three relapses over recent months are probably due to this obsession for alcohol. You have decided to stop drinking and you are fully committed to sobriety. Yet, you find yourself drinking again because your mind is programmed to wrongly believe that you need alcohol.

You are feeling sad right now but the good news is that there is a bright and alcohol-free future ahead for you. You need never drink again and not only that but you can go on to put your talents to the best use and have a fulfilling life. There are probably many ways that you can bring about the necessary change of thinking and how you do it is your own business. Since you are already going to AA meetings, you are within reach of a programme of recovery that will solve your problem. Listen to people who share at meetings and pay attention to those who have the sort of sobriety that you would like to have. My suggestion is to then ask one of those people if they would become your sponsor and help you through the Twelve Step programme of recovery.

Weve all been there I would relapse every single day! I would wake up and decide I was done and by the time the sun set I was back.

Things got so bad that I finally did have enough. I went to the internet and looked up a meeting. It was Sunday. I walked in that chruch and almost didnt go in but I did.

I made two more stops at meeting places and finally found my home group. I remember after the meeting going up front and asking if i could join. The guy sort of laughed and said. all you have to do to join is have a desire to stop.

Well that was a couple of 24 hours ago and the journey has been both good and bad. See I had no ability to cope. couldnt cope with good, couldnt cope with bad... I liked to take short cuts and booze was a quick fix.

But it had stopped working and I was so unhappy drinking or not drinking. The watershed moment was when I realized that I was not a bad individual , just sick.

I met lots of new sober friends and they taught me ways of coping with the crap life sends our way. life is not all sunshine and roses.

Today I will hit the 430 meeting and hope to help another struggling alcoholic. See for me the only way to get out of my own head is to get in to action and help another alcoholic.

C'mon you can too

1is2many

Chances are the people who have relapsed will say yes its normal and the people who managed to stay sober since day one will say no its not normal.

What I suggest is to examine what got you off the wagon after 3 months and really think about what you need to do to make that commitment do not drink no matter how strong the impulse. overall what is driving you to drink: anxiety? loneliness? sheer boredom? figure that out find new coping strategies and I think you'll feel more empowered to fight off the urge.

You did want the "BUZZ" Sugar. I maintain that everyone who drinks is drinking for the BUZZ. It is the same motivation that makes smokers smoke, cocaine users snort and heroine users shoot-up. Everyone likes the feeling of feeling better, even if we get there unnaturally and with a substance that is ultimately harming our bodies and minds. Hangovers are your bodies way of telling you that you are harming it. You need to stop because you are harming your body and mind. Keep it simple. When you look at that bottle of wine, you should be thinking; this stuff will ultimately harm my body and mind, in any amount. If you continue to relapse and ingest the alcohol, you are sacrificing your long term health for the temporary BUZZ. Your choice of course, but I believe that is what this problem of alcohol abuse is all about.

Hang in there and kick it out of your life for good!

Thank you for your words and input.. I do agree that maybe I am not taking this too seriously and am getting the urge to drink confused with "yes its ok to drink" The urge is so powerful!! I need to take the steps to sway away from this urge..Its like a little voice in my head, sod it you have done so many months you can totally have a drink now...

I need to put my money were my mouth is and follow the programme...I am still not 100% sure what "the programme" is..is it the 12 steps?

Yes Sugar! The Program is the 12 steps. It is a way of getting all the negativity out of our heads to allow our Higher Power to come in and actually help us stay sober. This is the way I often look at it anyway.

I drank because of guilt, depression, shame, boredom, you name it. I just wanted to numb the emotional pain I was suffering. Life isn't easy and we need alot of support. AA is a great place to get that support but it's not the only place.

If what you are doing now, is not working, you really need to try something else, but don't give up before you have put in some effort to make the program work for you.

God Bless!

IT took me 10 serious tries to finally get it.
U R at a point where alcohol no longer brings you 'good times' or 'happiness'.
Remember that you are not 'missing out on anything' by not consuming alcohol, you are actually gaining.
I now view all alcohol as 'liquid draino' and I would never consume that.
No matter how pretty the bottle is, no matter how many people are drinking, it is no longer appealing to me.
I hope you figure it out and feel better, which U will. And when U do, don't pick up a bottle.
This is all under your control.

Hello again sugar1189,

It is natural to not want to take this seriously because few drinkers want to face the reality that they cannot drink safely. For an alcoholic there is no middle ground or grey area. Alcoholism is a progressive condition that will always get worse with time until it takes away everything up to and including life itself. The alternative for the alcoholic is to find some way of staying sober no matter what. Therefore, if you are an alcoholic, it is not ok to drink; not ok to have one or two; not ok to drink after being sober for a period of time; not ok to drink, full stop.

When I found myself in a position where I had to stop drinking people told me to just avoid taking the first drink and that the rest would be fine. That was good advice but I needed to know more. I needed to know the reasons why I could not drink and understanding those reasons made it easier to stay sober. If you watch the video at the link below it will explain the medical and psychological aspects of alcoholism very well.

What is often referred to in AA as the programme is the Twelve Steps. The instructions for the Steps are contained in the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous) on the first 164 pages. It is not a self-help or do-it-yourself programme so it is advisable to go through it with the help of someone who has done it before and that person is known as a sponsor. You cannot actually follow the programme or put it into action until you understand what is involved. After that it is down to how well you follow the suggested principles. Some people pay lip service and do the very minimum and they may get by. Others try to put a bit more into it and they can reap great rewards.

The bottom line is that you can regain control of your life and be free of the urge to drink but it will take a bit of work to get there.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pVBDQPC2XQ

And if the AA program does not seem like a good fit for you, I suggest you might look at the LifeRing program and perhaps also read the book "Empowering Your Sober Self".

Try this U-Tube video for one more perspective:

http://www.youtube.com/user/AlcoholMasteryTV

Just some suggestions. I don't think anyone has the perfect " 1 size fits all" solution.