Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I am a binge drinker, typically every three to four days. When I start I don't stop. I feel dull pain where my liver is, sometimes where my pancreas is. I go to meetings now and then, I am nearly finished with my RN degree. I know acutely what impact this self-destruction is having on me, but something about it makes me fatalistic. I have two great kids, the promise of a future, lots of reasons to not throw it all away. I was reviewing some topics here and my husband and his best friend ( he stays here ) are complaining about their hangovers, to which husband said he took a shot just now, and that there's some wine left. I have all these plans for today, kids to the park, tons of chores/homework, working out, baking... and BOOM... I want that wine. It sucks.
I am going to a meeting today. I'm posting this to help myself avoid that temptation and do the right thing today. It's hard to attempt sobriety when my father is really into wine (we live with him), my husband has band practice here and there's that "party" atmosphere most of the week. I wish I could break the spell and quit dealing with stress and emotion and anxiety with booze. My older son is 7, and he realizes when I drink and gets really angry. He yells at me if he sees a bottle of wine. He had this nightmare stretch about zombies and i realized I am the zombie. I am physically there, mentally absent. Honestly I know I won't make it through this semester if I don't get sober quick. I'm in a pressure cooker and though My grades are always solid, but I showed up to class hungover for the first time in my life and got ill. I can't believe I let that happen. I want to be reliable, trusted. I want to take on the responsibilities of caring for people who trust my with their lives, yet I can't trust my self with my own. Sigh.
I am going to a meeting today. I'm posting this to help myself avoid that temptation and do the right thing today. It's hard to attempt sobriety when my father is really into wine (we live with him), my husband has band practice here and there's that "party" atmosphere most of the week. I wish I could break the spell and quit dealing with stress and emotion and anxiety with booze. My older son is 7, and he realizes when I drink and gets really angry. He yells at me if he sees a bottle of wine. He had this nightmare stretch about zombies and i realized I am the zombie. I am physically there, mentally absent. Honestly I know I won't make it through this semester if I don't get sober quick. I'm in a pressure cooker and though My grades are always solid, but I showed up to class hungover for the first time in my life and got ill. I can't believe I let that happen. I want to be reliable, trusted. I want to take on the responsibilities of caring for people who trust my with their lives, yet I can't trust my self with my own. Sigh.
PM me anytime if you think I can help!
Lyn
I could write a long post about what you can do to fix the problem but serenity94 has said it all very well in a few words.
The only question now is are you prepared to do whatever it takes in order to get sober?
You certainly want it, and it is there to take. If AA is what you want to get into, then dive in - get a sponsor, attend meetings, start working the steps. With all the people in your household, you might have time away to do those things. You will need to, or you risk losing it all.
Honestly I've had two terrifying episodes involving alcohol. Five years ago, not wanting to drive, I took a bike and crashed my head into the concrete and had a bleed under my skull. A year ago I was dancing around my living room, and in some sort of flash dance move jumped up on my couch, slipped, and broke my wrist in 4 places. You'd think those bottoms would stop me, which they did for awhile, but here I am.
It's an ugly, ugly disease. It snakes into your life and parasites your soul. I don't want to die. I want to be able to trust myself to not let my whole world unravel because this pattern has somehow become my norm, become my identity.
PaulSP has really spoken to you and you now have a clearer idea about the nature of the problem. However, there is a world of difference between knowing what the problem is and getting it fixed. He has also suggested a solution that may work for you.
What do you plan to do next?
Dabbling in meetings is not the solution, as youv'e found. Nor is denial, or trying to do it on our own will power.
You sound like you need a program. It can be AA, or something else but until you get into recovery, you'll continue wallowing in the disease.
Or at least I did.
I needed to get a sponsor, work the steps, and begin to not only recognize myself as alcoholic, but also accept it, then turn my will and my life over to a greater power and start living a life based on the principals of recovery and of spirituality.
Being sober wasnt enough for me. I needed more.
You might too.