Agoraphobia & Social Anxiety Support Group
Agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder, often precipitated by the fear of having a panic attack in a setting from which there is no easy means of escape. As a result, sufferers of agoraphobia may avoid public and/or unfamiliar places. In severe cases, the sufferer may become confined to their home, experiencing difficulty traveling from this "safe place."
I have been a stay at home mum for 13 years. Apart from a small waitressing job for 9 months I have exclusively been a stay at home mum. My kids are all now settled well into school and living their own little lives and it is time for me to return to the world of work. Or begin the world of work seen as I don't have much experience. This has sent me into a downward spiral. I don't know how I can cope with a job. I applied to college and got accepted but I don't even think I can cope with that. I am beyond scared and I don't really know where to turn. My partner keeps making jabs about him being the only one working and I know he is right but I just don't seem to be able to handle it.
College seemed like the only option as I don't have anything to put on my CV at all. All my qualifications are from years ago and are way out of date and the waitressing job I had has all new staff and that was in 2014 so a LONG time ago. I don't have refrences and I don't have experience in anything except being a stay at home mum. I don't really know how to move forward. I feel so stuck and lost and alone. I feel like I won't manage to do anything and then my partner will leave me and then I'll be even further spiralling down. I am honestly shaking and having palpitations just writing this :(
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
How many kids do you have? Where I live, summer vacation time is about to start. So that would mean paying childcare and you might not earn enough. But you could start to plan now or babysit a child for the summer to earn money.
I’m going to suggest you think about working in a daycare or Mother’s Day Out part time program. That’s how I started back to work after years at home. These childcare places value good parenting skills and hire stay at home moms with little work experience. It’s not full time and no benefits but they hire parents with parenting skills but no work experience. They are looking for people who can manage children and a schedule in a positive and loving manner. I had been doing very part time childcare at Churches during the week for their mothers groups but this might be a thing of the past. Going back to school is good but you need to also have work experience, current work experience at many employers.
Can you use a computer well? Schools need office help and love to hire parents because parents stay and are motivated and can handle children.
What about cleaning houses for a while to get job experience? Cleaning companies will hire you. You can also do Uber Eats, Uber, Instacart, packing groceries for pick up
or delivery at grocery stores. I know you know how to quickly grocery shop following a list and are experienced getting food. Around here, stores like Target would hire you to be a checker because everyplace is desperate for more workers. This isn’t long term for you, it’s to get your feet on the ground and your self esteem up.
Any change is hard but I know you can do this. You are a smart person who manages a tight budget and a school schedule. Sit and think of all the tasks you do at home. I’ve had friends who used their stay at home parent tasks as their job and said self employed.
There are lots of ways to enter the workforce. I might suggest you work part time and go to school part time. To start. Maybe pack groceries for delivery at a store or Instacart where you can do a flexible schedule. Put your toe in the water and try different things. If you don’t know what you want to study or get a college degree in, I might say wait. Unless you are eager and desperate to learn, then get started!
Sounds like partner wants or needs you to bring in some money to help the family budget. Don’t take on too much at first and then get overwhelmed. Plus college costs money and don’t do a student loan until you have a real goal. Consider short term therapy for your anxiety. No shame getting help!
If what I have written doesn’t reassure you but feels more overwhelming, please do seek counseling as that will help you move forward. Good luck to you! Your future awaits!
Hasty has some good ideas above. I felt lost and like I would never find a job that I would want to do ever again. But I did. I found a job that I love and is perfect for now.
Sorry that your partner is being less than supportive, but he has no idea how it feels to be you.
Try to give yourself some time to figure this out, you need to figure out what it is that you like and enjoy. After all those years of taking care of everyone else, I had no idea what I liked anymore and needed to take time to try things out. Some of the thing that I really thought I would like I didn't. Now it's finally time for you. Good luck and hugs.