Hello fellow sufferers,

i hope someone can shed some light on any aspect of anything i write, however small to you it may be big to me.

My psych says i was born with three minority brain wirings: Aspergers, Highly Sensitive Person (Sensory Processing Sensitivity), and high Introversion.
Due to childhood, since about age ten i have been clinically and suicidally depressed with social anxiety disorder, panic, and some agoraphobia. Ten.

Now, i have spent the last 4 months unable to attend the church i go to (now seriously) that i initially went to with my psych's recommendation that it would be a "safe place" to work our my social anxiety disorder. However ingrained it may be.
After 2 years of having my first positive group social experience of my life (at about 53 years old). Then a closet narcissist about 75% up the scale arrived, over the last few years developing in me because of all my disorders a panic complex that made the anxious and depressive agoraphobia that kept me from church (Nov 2014 to Apil 2015) oops that's more than 4 months. Shock.
In January the firm idea that i'd never go there again gave me a mild emotional breakdown that made me bawl like a baby for weeks at the slightest sad thing. Thankfully i have stopped that.

Now, i can only go outside if i am going nearby, to the 7-11 convenience store, or the Bank, just down the street.
There is a food bank (i''m on disability) a few blocks away that i haven't been able to get to for three appointments now (one per two weeks).

Now today we had a big day at the church i was to attend, and couldn't.

i attended two previous "big days" recently with my narcissist friend because i hadn't accidentally insulted him yet in an email (Aspergers - not always knowing the social consequences of what i write), so now he won't drive me although he's known for since my diagnosis 12 Mar 2013 that i accidentally insult, and has endured and forgiven me in the past.

Now, to go to the bus stop not far away, simply, to go anywhere farther than nearby, is next to impossible.
i have made it a few times during the months to a nearby Grocery store to buy food, but that's it. Otherwise it is Disability-paid-for cab rides to psych and doctor appointments AND
once i am OUT THERE
i can GO ANYWHERE
but i can't get out the freakin' door to start with! especially to the bus stop.
i have no other ride options like a friend (i'm aspie, people find me too socially uncomfortable to be friends with) to drive me, or enough money for a self-paid taxi fide to church (Disability doesn't pay for church rides).

Now, i deeply feel i must be attending this church every weekend.
But for months i cannot get out the door.

For at least 2 months prior to total avoidance, i was pushing panic attacks to get there. Finally the mental and physical pain was too much to face and i simply began and did not stop missing church.

Any help is appreciated, even if you think it too small, it may strike "that chord."
Thank you all for your time and attention. xpax