Hello BookMe28 and Welcome,

I know what you’re talking about! I’ve read what some of the estranged parents think, and they are totally in denial and delusional! It’s as if they are not even listening to themselves speak. From the majority of them, it is very easy to see why they are estranged. I’ve seen some brag about how awful they were, and then get praised for it by the other parents…LoL Ridiculous! Some even blatantly talk of their favoritism, and then say, “I have no idea why my child left.” Please, even Stevie Wonder could see why the children left….ha…ha

Welcome and feel free to share your story. There is not enough support for the adult children, so that’s what we are here for.
Hugs!

Its a hug circle for narcissists.
I'm glad you're not in with them.
x

Yeah I stopped in there a long time ago.....won't be returning! Narcissists' hug circle, LOL!

Well...I'm not a mom but I have strong feelings about what I saw my siblings do so therefore can't no one say that it's all my mom's fault. She was a single parent, and she worked hard. She was able to put my sister in school, and my brother in medical school but they do not acknowledge that. When my sister was registering into school (college), I remember that day because I had to sit in the car. In 2003, one of my brothers called and spoke with my mom. He told her that he doesn't know how she done it but all the kids were BAD. And then he followed with I LOVE YOU MOM.

I'm not arguing with you at all. I'm just trying to make a point in saying that not all parents were bad people and they caused their kids to turn out to be monsters. There is seven kids in my family (I'm included) but I do not understand why things happen or said by my siblings and then they blame it on my mom or myself.

But you are certainly welcomed to come here when you want to talk.

wep I went on to a parent site similar to the original post that was dated years ago. I though if I could get a sense of the other side it would make more sense to me. GUESS what they all described themselves as GREAT parents that had no idea why their kids walked away. SERIOUSLY that does not make any sense. the thought that it is all selfish and evil kids is as foolish as great and misunderstood parents. I was attacked by two old bittys that were the best mothers ever yet their kids walked away as well as other family members like no it is obvious that they are deluding themselves. Yes the other group has tons of members just sending hugs and crying together about how they were great and their kids suck.

Surely you are not talking about the parents' group that you just left! Because it is nothing like what you describe here. I can't recall where anyone has said that their "kids suck." Nor were you attacked by "two old bittys that were the best mothers ever yet their kids walked away as well as other family members," although I and another "bitty" responded to your ridiculous email that blamed parents for being hypocrites with only two goals in life -- the first to ruin their kids and the second was to brag about it on an estranged parents' forum.

I'm glad you quit. You don't belong there. You belong here, in the sick-and-sorry world of your own unhappiness blaming others for it.

Talk about narcissists. . . have you looked in the mirror lately?

P.S. And it isn't "bitty," the word is "biddy."

Chasing someone down to get the last word. That seems familiar.

No, correcting someone who is WRONG. Can't take it very well, can you. . . so go ahead, estrange me. Isn't that what you do when someone doesn't agree with you?

We'd have to have a relationship for me to estrange you. I don't really care what you do. It's just amusing that you care so much about what someone on another board says. Go ahead. Get the last word. You know you have to.

Eh, I toyed with the idea of not responding and giving YOU the last word -- too much fun!! I couldn't resist.

Not that any of my words will do any good here. But I keep forgetting how ya just can't fix stupid.

Bye <<---- my last word

I knew you couldn't help yourself.

If this wasn't so pathetic it would be hilarious!

Don't you see the game you are playing here? Who cares who gets "the last word"? S/he who gets "the last word" somehow "wins"????? Wins what??

That's ridiculous!

No one "wins" at your childish games, just sayin. Because, "winning" isn't the point here. The point was to understand what each other was saying. And when you don't even *try* to do that but instead turn it into a contest to see who gets "the last word," you lose. And so do I.

Isn't that what estrangement is really all about -- refusal to even *try* to understand each other's point of view? And then turning it into some sort of blame game where Estranger "wins" and "Estranged" loses?

If that wasn't to pathetic, it would. . . still be pathetic.

I am a father who was estranged by my daughter. I played the victim role and blamed her for the estrangement. But there came a day when I realized that I played a role in that relationship, and it was that role, that part, that character that caused the estrangement. I take full accountability for my words, actions and behaviors then and now. That is the difference between the father my daughter knows and the father I am today. I take accountability now.
I wrote this piece a few weeks ago during a meditative writing session. I hope it supports you.

Echoes of Choice-

I choose.
I choose to feel.
I choose you.
I always chose you.
I still choose you.

I wasn’t really given a choice — not really.
But if I’m forced to accept the choice presented...
If I’m forced to see the option that was offered to me,
I still cannot accept it.

It wasn’t a choice for me —
it was a choice for their comfort,
for their sense of security
in a life where they had no real security.
Had I made the choice they wanted me to make,
they wouldn’t have been any happier, safer,
more comfortable, or secure.
It would’ve been more of the same — or worse.

I was at a boiling point in my own life.
We each live our own lives,
even while living with and loving others.
I’ve had issues all my life.
I spoke of them to the other parent on multiple occasions.
They’ll most likely deny that I did.
I expect that.

I chose you —
over the other parent,
over my partner.
My partner knows that.
But being with my partner does not mean
that I abandoned you.
I wasn’t given the opportunity to be in your life.
That’s the difference.

The other parent says I made a choice
to be out of your life — that I chose my partner over you.
I think — or rather, I suspect —
you may reflect that opinion,
but you’re not as convinced as they are.

The truth is:
I chose you.
I still choose you.

I have tried to reconnect with you,
over and over and over.
Other people do not speak for me —
even when they say they do.
I choose you.

But you made a choice —
that you would never speak to me again.
That is not my choice.
I wasn’t given a chance to stay in your life.
I was only offered an ultimatum —
one-sided, biased.
I get it.
I’m not making you wrong.
I’m not making you bad.

As a parent,
I taught you nothing about life —
even though I thought I was wise,
teaching you how to survive.
But I wasn’t.
I was only showing you
how I survived —
from childhood to adulthood.
I was a grown man-child.

You gave me an ultimatum.
I didn’t accept it.
And so you chose never to speak to me again.
You’ve been bitter.
Maybe scared.
I don’t know.

But I tried — repeatedly.
I lied sometimes,
trying to protect myself from accountability.
I still tried.
Over and over.

I won’t bring other partners or others into this.
But everyone had a part to play
in the distance between us.
They are responsible for their actions —
not me.
Not you.
Them.
Each of them.

Ten years since this began.
Seven years since I last saw you.

What is my choice today?
Is it still that I “chose my partner over you”?
Is that what I’m still being forced to accept?
If so, let me be clear:
That is your choice — not mine.
Because I choose you today,
just like yesterday,
and the day before,
and the day before that.
I choose you.

But the real question is:
Will I be allowed that choice?
Will I be given that opportunity?
Your choices affect what my choices can be.
They limit my choices.
Do you see that?
You don’t have to see it.
I’m not trying to change your mind
or manipulate your feelings.
I’m simply offering another perspective.

Life doesn’t have to be “either/or.”
Life can be both.

I choose you.
I will always choose you.
I respect your decisions.
I honor your wishes.
That’s why I’ve stopped trying to reach you.
Your choices are being honored by me.

But make no mistake:
Your choices are not my choices.
I choose you. Again and again