Hi there! So sorry the agreement you had is not being met on their side. I am an adoptee and can say that before 18, I would not have been ready to meet my bio mother. It would have made me insecure and anxious, as I would not be able to reconcile the situation. At 18 I was then ready to learn more, slowly, and still, I was not sure how much I would want (of closeness), but I can tell you that in my 20's that need got much much bigger and when I considered adopting my own child, the need was huge and important. I am now looking for my bio mother.....so wish me luck. I have no doubt you will meet her one day. I guess it is up to you, how you would like to go about it... good luck

I am a little confused? they agreed to let you know and send pictures of the child? I being an adoptee know it can be very confusing about who is the mom and who's family I was in. Was there a written agreement to you getting information? I would have though that wouldn't have been the case since the adoptive parents are focusing on raising the child as their own.
In most cases when you adopt out a child the door for information is closed so the adoptive family raising the child could do it with out any outside interference from outside sources. I know every adoption is different but can I say that with the child getting input from you and the adoptive parents it can be hard on the child. I also find it as an adoptee kind of selfish for you to adopt out the child and constantly need information...you did give up the child?? or did I get something here wrong? I am not trying to be harsh but you can do more harm than good by trying to get information on the child. The adoptive parents could get very upset with you constantly poking and prodding into their life. You can regester on an open adoptive list IF the child wants to make contact after they are 17/18. I found my birth mother when I was in my late 30's we met and had a good time catching up but she wasn't my mother anymore and I didn't have feelings like she was, she was a friend for awhile but we once again drifted apart. I am not trying to get anyone upset BUT you did give this child up for addoption...it is only fair to give the adoptive parents room and the child also to give them a fighting chance to make a family.
Good luck and For me I hope you leave this family alone and let them raise the child and give it a good home.

BTW you might be opening a pandoras box by going after you adopted child. My wife and I are both adopted children from different familys. My parents were very open to me and my other adopted sibling through out our lives. But on the flip side my wife is very angry at her birth mom and she never wants to see or talk to her now or in the future. Sometimes it is better to leave things alone and go forward with your life. You adopted out a child to another family please allow them to raise the child with out any outside pressure from you. Remember there saw a reason for you to adopt the child out or you would have it right now. Peace be with you and your family...

Thanks everyone, Yes It was verbal and written to recive pictures once a year. The last time I recived pictures was 9 years ago, so I didn't bother them for a long time and wanted or was courious so I asked. She the mother went on to tell me that the child knows of me. asks for me and has promised her that they would find me is she wanted. I wish she wouldn't of told me that, cause now I have a flood of emotions. I'm gonna take your advice though and leave it be, because I did give her up and I do want them to have a great life together and when she's 18 I will let her decide. Thats what I always had in my mind, I guess the letter I recived made me think a little too much. Thats why I wanted opinions of people I knew were living this. I really do respect and thank you for your advice...

After your birth daughter reaches 18, by all means send her a letter letting her know she has been in your thoughts and prayers. My wife is 40, and was adopted, and would really like to meet her birth mom. Sadly she's deathly afraid mom may have hidden the birth from the people now in her life, so my wife fears the possibility of another rejection, so she won't reach out to look. A girl who gave up a child at 16 may not share that info with the man she marries at 25, much less any future kids. My own mom told me about a lost sibling when I was. 42... Everyone needs to at least know the medical history of their birth parents.

Hi this must be so hard for you
maybe you could write your daughter a letter to tell her why and how much you cared for her and still do
i would give this to her when she wants to make contact with you
I really don't know how i would cope under these circumstances
but i do hope that you are re-united with your daughter one day

Thank You Daveintexas & mouse8844 for your kindness & advice means a lot...

You are making the right decision and I am proud of you for letting the contact rest till it is older. Yes write a letter telling the child you think of it every day and wonder how life is treating it. Be gentle and regester for the adoption line where when the child wants to know more they can get hold of you and either use a intermediatory or meet in person.

hi Cali ,
well as an adoptee myself ,my views on the matter have changed very much over the years.
(jarrett) ,i do think you`re being a little harsh ,as ,if when cali gave up her daughter ,it was an open adoption ,then it would have been legally agreed between both parties that she get regular photos and updates on her little girl.
My own adoption was closed ,and therefore i`ve never had any communication from my birth mother.Until i had my own 3 children ,i was very one sided ,adored my adoptive parents (always have ,always will do) ,and never even thought of them as other than my mum & dad.
Well ,i guess you mature as you age ,and thinking about my wonderful family ,and the happy secure and fulfilled life i`ve had ,i suddenly realised alot of this had to do with the courageous ,selfless decision made my my biological mother.
I know carrying 5 pregancies ,and giving birth to 3 (live) babies ,i could never have given them up..it would have been a heck of a wrench.
So ,for once i saw her in a whole new light ,i was grateful to her for putting me before her feelings ,(and us mums know how strong and all consuming they can be)..For ,in doing this ,she wanted me to have more than she could offer..
Basically i guess what i`m trying to convey ,is i have a tremendous admiration and respect for my bio mum ,and i`m certain one day ,your daughter will feel the same ,and i hope want to meet you.
Good luck ,women like yourself deserve alot of respect ,for ,it`s easy for those of us lucky enough to be able to bear children ,to take that for granted...It is infact one of the greatest blessings ,and i wish i could thank my own mother for what she has done for me ,and to reassure her she did do the right thing ,that i was lucky ,.and was to be adopted by two of the most wonderful people i could wish for as parents..
My love ,luck hugs .and very best wishes to you ,xoxoxoxoo Sharon

I haven't found my birth parents yet, and it kills me. If your child is already asking about you, believe me, it won't stop, and your child's quest for information about you will never stop even through the day you two meet. I was 18 when Children Services told me that I had to wait another 3 years on top of the 9 I had already put in trying for info on her. Unless you pass on before that time, you WILL find each other. My 21st birthday is coming up soon, and while most people turning 21 talk about going out and gettin hammered, I talk about going out and finding my mom and dad. Your child has obviously shown that she wants to know more about you, and eventually she WILL want to find you.
As for you thinking about not asking for anymore pics, I say don't do it. If you do, when you finally meet your child again, you won't be able to say that you never gave up your search. Please don't give up. I can't tell you how much I miss my mom, and I haven't seem her since I was 2. Hang in there.

I am an adoptee and a birthmom. First you are asking the aparents for pictures that they agreed to send you in the first place. You are not asking your daughter. I would keep communication open with them. When your daughter is 18 do reach out to her, most adoptees have a hard time looking for their birthparents for fear of being "rejected" again...
I got pictures and letters for the first few years and then the adoptive parents stopped all contact. It killed me. There are no laws for "open" adoptions. I reunited with my son last year and although we have somethings to work out, (he is mad I "gave" him away) we have built a great relationship and now are so very close. I talk to him every day...I wish you all the best!

I would first find out what rights/recourse you have in your state regarding the situation. The adoption agency should be bearing some of the burden for producing the agreed pictures and letters. Does your agency have the correct mailing and contact information for you? OUr agency said that if we sent the pictures and letters for 2 years and all came back return mail that we wouldn't be required to send them in. But, they also told us even if the birthmother decided 5 years later that she now wanted them we were responsible for submitting them again. We are required to submit them until the child is 21. The birthmother cannot search or approach the child. It is the child's choice at 18 if they want to meet the birthmother. I would definitely contact your agency and start calling each and every day until they get the adoptive parents to comply with the agreement. I'm so sorry you are not getting the things you need to feel comfort and peace about your decision. My husband and I are so excited and grateful to that birthmother out there that will bring us our miracle and dream. Hoping things work out for you. XO :)

Thank you to all for your positive feed back. Since I last received letter and photos I was really sad, couldn't function at all for 3 weeks, cause all that what was on my mind was the past and seeing how big she had become was so heart breaking for me , cause she looks like my oldest son AKA her brother.. So I read some of the last post on here and it truly gave me some hope. some hope is better than what I had. Thanks from the bottom of my heart...

I am an adoptee myself and I think you should respond to the letter that they sent you. Since they chose to tell you that your birth child is inquiring about you--they in a sense opened up that forbiden box. You did not ask for that info, all you requested was pictures. If you do respond I would say something along the lines:

I respect your right to privacy and I do not want to interfere with X (child's name) and I know you know what is best for her and i honor your request. Thank you very much for the pictures etc. i greatly apperciate it. If X inquires about me and you (adoptive parent's name) choose to tell her about me when she is an adult, i would be willing to meet. I will not try to contact her on my own..etc. and i will respect your privacy. (put in some words about your feelings too)

It is mostly likely a fear of the unknown that has cuased the reaction from the adoptive family, Just let them know that you respect their decision and you will honor it and if and when the birth child/parents choose to meet with you, you would be open to it.

Eliza. Thanks sooooo much for your support...