It is not easy to let part of yourself go even when you know it is for the best of both of you, my son was almost 3 months old when i made the choice to give him a better life than what i could give him.The decision does not change the fact i wonder every day how he is and if he is happy. every christmas and his birthday i wonder too, my son is still my son i am looking forward to meeting him again when he chooses.

Understand where your at. I found out I was adopted at 39. My parents are the ones who brought me up. When I found out after a while I did go looking but there was a mix up, long story. Tried again when our son got married, like you, just wanted medical history. Told all along after I found out only child by private adoption so looking for nothing else. But this was important to me, as is you. Well through 9 brothers and sisters that turned up, shock all round beleive me, I got a lot. Including the fact we carry a full maori gene that has a tendency to throw every so often and no one alive to tell us how long or how, my eldest sister got it. Have had it in my med files so at least documented now somewhere. You need to know your med history, it is important, but jsut be ready to find pandoras box at same time. And I had the best parents I could have wished for, I was the lucky one, rest very dysfunctional, counting me, 10 children, 8 fathers, and a very hard life for all. We had an agreement, the bith mother had passed away two yrs before final search found them, I accepted she was my birth mum, they had to accept my mum and dad raised me, and all agreed that was how it was. Only thing I can think of is to try and find an aunt or uncle perhpas who could give you the info if birth mother has passed on. They told me she gave away the one that looked the most like her, had same sayings and movements, so you have inherited some of her ways, strange as it may sound.

I don't think many of us doesn't have a piece that is curious, if finding the answers is something you need for you then do it. Aust is right with 'Pandora's Box' you need to be ready for anything, you both lead seperate lives afterall.

With you on the looking like the daughter of my aparents - people didn't always believe us either if it was brought up. Also with Aust on the traits... funny how life works but also makese me stronger in my belief that I wouldn't be who I am had she not been my b-mom and they not been my parents. GL

I really appreciate everyones comments. I'm am trying to just work through with everything, and become stronger. If I do search for my Bmom, I want to be able to handle it, no matter what happens. It won't be easy, seeing how I am a foundling, but I'm trying to keep my head up and prepare for myself for anything. Baby steps.
Again, I want to thank you guys for your comments.

This may help you understand both sides. My kids are both adopted, we got them as infants. I gave them each a copy of this. I don't know who the author is, I came across it when my kids were little and decided to save it for them to read when they grew up.

LEGACY OF AN ADOPTED CHILD

Once there were two women
Who never knew each other.
One you do not remember,
The other you call mother.

Two different lives
Shaped to make yours one.
One became your guiding star,
The other became your sun.

The first gave you life
And the second taught you to live in it.
The first gave you a need for love
And the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality,
The other gave you a name.
One gave you the seed of talent,
The other gave you an aim.

One gave you emotions,
The other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile,
The other dried your tears.

One gave you up----------
It was all she could do.
The other prayed for a child
And God led her straight to you.

And now you ask me
Through your tears,
The age-old question
Through the years:

Heredity or environment---------
Which are you a product of?
Neither, my darling-------neither,
Just two different kinds of love.

Thank you lenox62! I really liked the poem. I've always been a strong believer in that things happen for a reason, but just never knew why, the poem just helped me understand. I really liked the last part. :)