ADHD / ADD Support Group
Attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and attention deficit disorder (ADD) are more common than you might think. It is a syndrome that exhibits symptoms such as hyperactivity, forgetfulness, mood shifts, poor impulse control, and distractibility. Join others who suffer from these conditions and share your experiences.
Hello All,
Our 24 year old grandson lives with us. He has ADD and no longer takes medication for it. He is well behaved and is a big help to my husband and I. However, we do see his ADD tendencies and we have had to adjust and be patient, knowing that there are some things that, because of his ADD, are always going to be a problem for him. But he holds a steady job, has many friends, and overall, a joy to have living with us.
In the 18 months he has lived with us, time and time again, when he gets something out of the freezer, we have had to remind him to make sure the freezer door is pushed in closed before he leaves the kitchen. There have been at least 7 times where he leaves it anywhere from 1/2 inch open to 3 inches open. Since he loves to get ice cream late at night after my husband and I have gone to bed, when I come down to the kitchen in the morning, there is the door open, and everything in the freezer melted or thawed. This morning I came down stairs and saw the freezer door left open again, and this time so much that even the entire ice tray had melted down to water. All the ice cream melted, frozen food completely thawed. After several talks in the past about this, making him pay me for the melted food, and finally putting two large signs on the refrigerator door and the freezer door to make sure the freezer door was closed - it had happened again last night.
So, on a side note....I have known that he has used marijuana in the past and I am wondering if he is high on it (he tends to go out late at night in our complex and come back maybe 15-30 minutes later) so sometimes I am wondering is the lack of making sure the freezer door closed because of ADD, or something else. Just wondering and maybe you can shed light on this situation. I have no real suspicion he is using marijuana, just thinking that because of what I know about previous use.....
(FYI - it took us well over a year to get it through to him to lock the front door when he comes in late at night)
Any input would be appreciated.....thank you.
Our 24 year old grandson lives with us. He has ADD and no longer takes medication for it. He is well behaved and is a big help to my husband and I. However, we do see his ADD tendencies and we have had to adjust and be patient, knowing that there are some things that, because of his ADD, are always going to be a problem for him. But he holds a steady job, has many friends, and overall, a joy to have living with us.
In the 18 months he has lived with us, time and time again, when he gets something out of the freezer, we have had to remind him to make sure the freezer door is pushed in closed before he leaves the kitchen. There have been at least 7 times where he leaves it anywhere from 1/2 inch open to 3 inches open. Since he loves to get ice cream late at night after my husband and I have gone to bed, when I come down to the kitchen in the morning, there is the door open, and everything in the freezer melted or thawed. This morning I came down stairs and saw the freezer door left open again, and this time so much that even the entire ice tray had melted down to water. All the ice cream melted, frozen food completely thawed. After several talks in the past about this, making him pay me for the melted food, and finally putting two large signs on the refrigerator door and the freezer door to make sure the freezer door was closed - it had happened again last night.
So, on a side note....I have known that he has used marijuana in the past and I am wondering if he is high on it (he tends to go out late at night in our complex and come back maybe 15-30 minutes later) so sometimes I am wondering is the lack of making sure the freezer door closed because of ADD, or something else. Just wondering and maybe you can shed light on this situation. I have no real suspicion he is using marijuana, just thinking that because of what I know about previous use.....
(FYI - it took us well over a year to get it through to him to lock the front door when he comes in late at night)
Any input would be appreciated.....thank you.
I just wish to share some thoughts with you regarding your situation.
First of all I think that you are very tolerant and loving in your attitude towards your grandson. You emphasize his helpfulness and kindness and try to bear with him when he fails to lock the door or close the freezer even though accidents of this sort must cause you immense frustration.
I find this really moving. As a 46 yo male with ADHD I know only too well how infinitely dependent I am on the tolerance and love of people around me. I may try as hard as I can to remember everything, to be on time, etc., but fact is that I fail regularly which frustrates me and my relations alike.
(Note: I live in Denmark where ADD is no longer considered a separate diagnosis. In stead, ADHD is seen as a complex of symptoms where one aspect or another may dominate. I therefore generally just speak of ADHD including what others may call ADD. Anyway, the distinction between ADD and ADHD isn't particularly relevant in this instance as the problems you describe relate to attention which is affected with both ADD and ADHD.)
By the way, I think that helpfulness may be characteristic of many people with ADHD. At least in my experience this seems to be the case. I suppose that it may be one strategy to try to compensate for the knowledge that you are frequently taxing the patience of those around you.
As to the cause of your problems with your grandson I cannot be sure. I find it very likely, though, that they are simply symptoms of his ADHD. Lapses in attention are after all a key characteristic of ADHD.
Marihuana I don't know much about. This said I doubt that distracted behaviour like you describe it is a typical symptom of smoking marihuana. Maybe, if your grandson were really "stoned", but if that were the case you would presumably notice a whole bunch of telltale indications of his (ab)use. Furthermore, as you are not sure whether he actually smokes at present it seems to me that he deserves the benefit of doubt.
So my suggestion would be that you continue trying practical solutions like the signs you've put on the refrigerator. I wish I could tell you just what is going to work, but I can't. You will have to keep trying various solutions until you find one that works.
The problem is that your grandson's attention is NOT working normally in those situations which makes it hard to predict what might work. A huge sign which can't possibly escape your attention may just slip unnoticed through his mind. You might try to imagine that you yourself were sleepwalking or partially sedated to get some idea of what being him is like. His brain just isn't working effectively when he fetches ice cream at night.
Therefore, making him pay for the spoilt food in the freezer isn't likely to make any difference either. Of course, he is adult and has to accept the responsibility for his actions so I am not saying that it is necessarily wrong to make him pay, just that it will not in itself solve the problem. Furthermore, he may be feeling guilt or inferiority and so may react strongly to anything that further stresses his inability.
The only suggestion I can offer is to try to find ways to break his routine. In my experience, at least, routine is one important factor contributing to lapses in my attention. Whenever something becomes routine my mind tends to start wandering.
So maybe you could place a chair in front of the refrigerator before you go to sleep, move the ice cream to another place in the refrigerator or put a bright sticker on the package of ice cream. The point is to catch your grandson's attention, hopefully long enough that he remembers to close the refrigerator.
Maybe you can discuss possible solutions with him. You should not expect him to be able to come up with the perfect solution straight away as he isn't consciously leaving the freezer open, still, he may be able to point you in the right direction as to what might/might not work. However, you need to move forward with caution as it may be painful for him to discuss his problems openly. It is hard to face that you continually annoy or even hurt people you love so he may be ridden by feelings of guilt and inferiority, whether he shows them to you or not.
Maybe the very worst part of ADHD is that on the surface it just looks like plain bad behaviour. It seems like you just don't care about others, feel no responsibility, are lazy or really stupid. Therefore, most people with ADHD probably get "shamed" a lot while they are in fact doing their very best (and still failing miserably which in itself is bad enough).
I wish you the best of luck in solving your problems with your grandson so that you may live together happier in the future.
nilgro
Thank you for taking the time to respond and to give your thoughts. My husband and I do think that sometimes our grandson is just in a "fog" - but we know that it the ADD/ADHD. It's taken some getting used to. :) but we are all adjusting.