aa Spoken Here Community Group

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nickyj18022002 07/12/2009

Does anyone here have problems feeling their anger or even knowing if they might be angry or not?

I here a lot in AA about people being really angry and having to learn how to control anger and express it in healthier ways etc. My problem seems to be the opposite in that I do not feel anger easily. There are things that I am told it is very unnatural not to feel angry about which I have never felt anger in relation to.

I want to be free of anger and I am aware that it is probably in there somewhere often turned in on myself as depression. I just dont seem to feel it and dont know how therefore to find it and get it out

I have had a lot of therapy and talked about the things it would seem natural to feel angry about but still no anger. I feel safe and am not actively suppressing it and yet it doesnt seem to come. I am much more likely to get angry about some tiny little thing than something significant.

I would be interested to hear about other people's experience of anger being hidden from them and how they dealt with it. Is it best to just leave it where it is and hope it never surfaces or actively try to find it?

Thanks.

leejosepho 07/13/2009

Yes, Don, that is it.

nickyj18022002 07/13/2009

This thread has sort of confirmed what I have experienced and mentioned in my initial post - that conversations about anger always turn to having lots of it and how to deal with it.

What do i do if it is hidden?

leejosepho 07/13/2009

With a good sponsor's help, the Steps ultimately brought all of it out, either directly or indirectly and in tolerable and manageable pieces, and I was shown how to be free of it. But to get started, I truly had to really take Steps One, Two and Three while meeting all the qualifications shared on the top of page 58:

--thoroughly follow *the* path in our book
--completely give myself to *this* simple program (the Steps)
--be absolutely honest, and with crying optional for people like me who cannot

That was tough, but I was not, so you folks helped me through.

deleted_user 07/14/2009

i only cry when im being threatened and then it has to be bad, i cry in my sleep sometimes

deleted_user 07/14/2009

I'm not sure if anger can be hidden like that Nicky, that you have to dig to find it. I suppose I just don't understand it but if it really does not affect you or others adversely, why try to work it out?

My anger normally rises quickly and goes quickly but the "slow burn" as I used to call it were resentments being made and deepened. The "revenge is best served cold" mentality and by far the most damaging.

I always said I think you are a pretty laid back individual. enjoy it!

deleted_user 07/14/2009

hidden anger is depression

nickyj18022002 07/14/2009

That is what I have been told too Alice, that the depression and anxiety that I suffer from may on part be caused by unresolved anger that I am not in touch with and do not feel.

deleted_user 07/14/2009

i was a very angry person as a teenager and wwhen i drank my anger exploded.. i couldnt control it.. i was angry at everyone and everything.. i rememebr a few weeks ago when i had my relapse that someone said to me' mel you look so different, you have a hateful and spooky look like i wana kill someone ' i was like wow people can see my anger except me.

when i look at my anger on step 5 and all of my resentments i realized how much i let people rent free in my head... i held on to anger for so long that when i saw it down on paper.. it looked pointless to keep holding on to it...

i still have a short temper but i dont feel that boiling rage i used to feel 24/7.. i was thinking of doing anger management but i realized i dont want to learn to manage my anger i want to let it go..

if i do feel angry now ..i am now learning to look at my part... and why that person or something made me angry

a brilliant post nicki
thanks. :)

deleted_user 07/14/2009

Step 4 offers the best way to understanding that the Steps can offer. Why do I get angry? Because something is being affected, often to the point of fear.

leejosepho 07/14/2009

>> hidden anger is depression
>> That is what I have been told too Alice ... unresolved anger that I am not in touch with and do not feel [may cause anxiety and depression].

I can see that within me, and an awareness of eventual justice and mercy both for myself and for others both humble and soothe sufficiently for now.

donttread 07/14/2009

If your anger is hidden Nicki who hid it? Most likely you, from stuffing so long and so well that you don't even recognize it as anger. Us guys are good at recognizing anger as it's the one emotion we're allowed to express growing up. We still stuff it though! Sometimes you ladies are brought up to believe your not supposed to get angry.
Assuming you have human DNA Nicki the anger is there. Somehow you'll have to give yourself permission to feel it, permission somebody, somewhere along the line wouldn't grant you.

leejosepho 07/26/2009

>> For me, being "free of anger", at least so far, does not mean being anger-free, and I have a *lot* of it ...

Update: Much of that seems to have subsided over these past couple of weeks, and being here on this board has somehow helped bring that about.

deleted_user 07/26/2009

We can't be free of anger. From what I see, anger just arises. Notice it if you can. If you pay attention your thoughts, feelings and sensations, you can start to become aware of things like anger.

deleted_user 07/26/2009

Anger is a God given emotion. Like my pal Reed said, it's part of being human. It's what I choose to do with it that can cause me problems if, like Gaiily said, it turns into a "slow burn"

Gaiily, believe me, my kids monitored my sobriety for a while too. If I was cranky, my daughter, at 10 yrs old would say "Mama, you need to go to a meeting".

leejosepho 07/26/2009

Mine had long been more like a "high-burn" or a volcano with occasional outbursts while being continually drenched to keep it from raging into full-blown psychosis, and my wife used to ask me whether I might ever be able to recover from anything other than alcoholism.

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