"I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died."

-Richard Diran

People are like Potatoes!

Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are content to watch others They are called "Speck Tators.

Some are always looking to cause problems and really get under your skin ...
They are called "Aggie Tators."

There are those who are always saying they will, but somehow, they never get around to doing
We call them "Hezzie Tators."

Some folks spent a lot of time sitting and peering into their garden ...
They are called "Medi Tators."

There are those that try to maximize their crop yields while reducing expenses ...
We call them "Compu Tators."

-Mike Garofalo

Do you want to hear a gruesome story?
A farmer planted a pumpkin seed.
He watered it and cared for it very well,
and soon it grew some, and grew some ....

“If you need five tools to solve a problem in the garden, four of them will be easy to find.”

-Mike Garofalo: "Pulling Onions"

When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

"Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons."

-Dave Barry

Does a Bok bring you Choy? Then Lettuce all smile.
Cabbage always has a heart;
Green beans string along.
You're such a Tomato,
Will you Peas to me belong?
You've been the Apple of my eye,
You know how much I care;
So Lettuce get together,
We'd make a perfect Pear.
Now, something's sure to Turnip,
To prove you can't be Beet;
So, if you Carrot all for me
Let's let our Tulips meet.
Don't Squash my hopes and dreams now,
Bee my Honey, dear;
Or tears will fill Potato's eyes,
While Sweet Corn lends an ear.
I'll Cauliflower shop and say
Your dreams are Parsley mine.
I'll work and share my Celery,
So be my Valentine.

Valentine's Day Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/6026372

Why do melons have fancy weddings?
Because they cantaloupe.

Wedding Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/12027815

"Your first job is to prepare the soil. The best tool for this is your neighbor's motorized garden tiller. If your neighbor does not own a garden tiller, suggest that he buy one."

-Dave Barry

'Neighbor Humor' will be here...eventually!

Gardening Palindrome:
Mister owl ate my metal worm.

More palindromes are being gathered now.

I never met a pumpkin I didn't like."

-Jack O. Lantern

Halloween Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/4903645

Four score and seven seasons ago, our Fore-Farmers brought forth upon this continent, a new Pumpkin, conceived in the garden, and dedicated to the proposition that no two pumpkins are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil contest, testing whether Atlantic Giants, or any other Prize Winner pumpkins so conceived and so enormous, can break all records. We are met in a great pumpkin-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that pumpkin patch, as a final resting place for those who gave their lives that that Atlantic Giant might thrive. It is altogether fitting and proper that we do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate-we can not consecrate- we can not hallow-this ground. The brave growers, living and dead, who have struggled here, have fertilized it, far above our our poor power to add or detract soil amendments. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what we grew here. It is for us the fanatic growers, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who attempted to grow the record winner here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us pumpkin lovers to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us- that from these honored Atlantic Giants we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave their last full measure of growth- that we growers here highly resolve that these pumpkins shall not have grown in vain- that this pumpkin patch, under God, shall have a new birth of seedlings- and that the World Pumpkin Confederation of the growers, by the growers and for the growers, shall not perish from the earth.

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."

-Marcel Proust

Happy Thoughts
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/6910324

An old proverb revisited: If the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence,…maybe yours needs a little more tending. (The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence. -Proverb)

The kiss of the sun for pardon,
The song of the birds for mirth,
One's nearer God's heart in a garden,
Than anywhere else on earth.
-Author Unknown

Epigrams
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/10537784