Being vulnerable

Regaining myself on my Self's terms: defining myself, not listening to the 'authority' of others who start from a position of thinking the worst, speaking the language of those who've managed to find a way to live without being abusive.

Figuring out who I am and what I want from life.

Overcoming the deeply imbedded messages about myself that certain types of people pick up on and use for their gain.

im always trying to "make everyone else happy" at the cost of me...i will make fun of myself, or put myself down if i think you will smile.
my abuse always made "them" smile, maybe thats where i got it from....

I suppose that it's the inability to be at peace "inside my own skin". I'm haunted by the voice of the inner critic, the memories of all the relationships that crashed, the regrets that I never had the joys of a normal life because I couldn't relate to people without all the confusion and mixed emotions the damage of my childhood imposed on me. I think people sense inner conflict in a person and back away from them.

I try to tell myself that it doesn't matter, that I survived, that I did have moments of joy. But then I have times when I see that I'm just kidding myself, when I remember how much pain and loneliness I've fought my way through.

Abuse is a kind of murder, it can kill off your chance at having a happy and contented life. You're defeated before you even start life's struggles. We have to protect the children...and stop fretting over the "rights of the parents", the "reputation of the Church", the "reputation of the school", and all the things that don't matter.

The life of a child matters. Someone should speak for them, they can't do it themselves. They can only hide away in fear.

Being alone, I was never loved and have longed for it all my life. Not being loved is the hardest thing for me

I'm glad to see I'm not alone in these feelings. I get what you're saying RichieD.

Trusting people is the hardest thing for me. Letting them close is a sure way to get hurt, for me.

i still have issues of " why are you being nice to me, what is it you want from me" kinda stuff.
*cry*

I deal with embarrassment. A lot. Afraid of what people will think of me when they learn about where I have come from.

Same here @notalone00. I put my walls up as soon as people are nice to me. The walls don't come down until I am satisfied with being able to trust them.

The single most difficult thing for me is overcoming my fear of people. Even to this day, when I pass another person in a public place such as on a sidewalk, I am actually afraid they are going to hit me or start screaming at me.

Feeling unloveable and abandoned, mostly.

Not knowing for sure if this is the state of the world and all my intentions and efforts are pointless.