Wrote My First Post Today
I knew yesterday when I registered for this website it was going to be the beginning step for me to get support from peers that understand this addiction. It took all my strength to place my first post on the Gambling Addiction Support Group. It was hard and emotional. But I have been a compulsive gambler for the last 16 years. You can read the triggers in my life that lead me to gamble. When I was writing the post so much weight was lifted off my chest. This morning I could not breath. I literally wanted to call in sick to work. Then the demons within were too powerful and I gambled away all my money yesterday. Today I am broke and owe a lot of money. I am not sure how I am going to get through this time. I feel so ashamed of myself. I have a good job and great family. Why do I do this to myself? Tomorrow can only be better right? At least I hope so. I am at rock bottom :(
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sweet girl, you ask why????? Its an addiction, you have an addiction, just like I do. I am glad to read you are at rock bottom, only means you are now ready to do whatever it takes to get into and stay in recovery. You got this, stay here with me, I need all the support I can get, and I want you to know, you are not alone, not by a long shot.
Thanks Leap. I have just wanted to cry all day long. I owe money to a family member and he needs it today. I didn\'t lie to him though. I told him I am going to try to get it for him later. I now have to ask my aunt to borrow money. Just like the old saying goes borrower peter to pay paul. I am at work and cannot even concentrate. I feel horrible.
Sweet chargergirl. It will start feeling better soon. The more distance you can put between you and those demons the better. There are many good posts and many good people on this site. I\'m in a similar boat to you, in that I owe money I do not have and am not sure how I\'m going to get it. Here is one thing FOR SURE.Gambling is the only thing that will keep us in this state of despair. NOT gambling and finding your own journey of recovery will slowly, but very very surely, help you back to a healthy, financially stable life. It can get better.
Welcome chargergirl! I can so relate to your posts. I do hope that you are staying on your medications and talking to your psychiatrist about what is going on with you. I can tell you from experience that you need to try to fight those feelings of guilt and shame, they will keep you in a dark place you can\'t afford to be in. I understand the demons, and have them myself, far too often yet. It is an addiction, but for me, I am starting to believe it is also a compulsion disorder that may require additional therapy. I am committed to recovery, but have had several relapses. I don\'t give up though. A gamble free life is what I want, so I may lapse for a day, but then I get back to what I need to do. I no longer am going day after day, which is a huge improvement for me. I get to 30 plus days gamble free, and then I get too overwhelmed, depressed, fearful, and just totally whacked out, and I give into the demons. I know that one day I will get beyond this, it just might require a different approach. I too am on antidepressents, but am thinking that I might need an adjustment to them one way or another.
Please just keep coming back. Each day that you can say \"no\" is an accomplishment. Please ask your sister to start managing your money when you get paid, that will help you to have no access to cash. With no cash, you can\'t gamble. You are a good person and deserve to be happy!
@Darlingd and @new55.. it is so nice to know that I am not alone in this fight. GF for Day 1.... feels like I climbed a mountain :)