Worse today

Oh god, how I miss Gene.  Somedays I still can't believe he's gone.  It's so hard coming home to this empty house.  Coming up on the two year anniversary and I'm falling apart.  Remembering the phone call and the ride to the hospital.  The smell of the flowers and the warmth of the sun.  How long can I go on like this?  I could barely make it to work today and ended up going in late.  Crying, crying, no where to turn only heartache and pain inside me now.  I'm so lonely without him.  I can't go on like this for much longer.  Thought I'd get stronger but only feel weaker and weaker.  Grieving is exhausting and I don't want to get out of bed.