working a lot

woke early and worked all day
14 hours or so
emotioanly im not getting what i need in life at all
im filling life with work
alots of past memories and flash thoughts
romaticaly im at a total loss
i have no trust left
trust as in...anything will ever go anywhere anymore
im feeling older
and i do feel some resentment of getting no where
yes im pissed off at times about the beutiful people who have it on a plate
just like my ex
maybe i dont look great
...so then its down to personality
and i dont do so well there either
im just the same as when i were a kid
i dont mix well
every site im even on
i am as outside a scoiety loops as the real world
i cant function like that in the real world or virtual one.
but i can do work
i can be sacrificial with myself
but even that is so isolated that it goes un noticed also
stupid church girl situation is she is going on about how much she misses me but is also the one that made it a dead end
you cant have it both ways