Woke up crying

I woke up crying this morning and don't know why.  I miss Gene so much, especially on the weekends.  He would wake up early and make coffee, then bring me a cup when it was ready and kiss me good morning.  After that, he would make me breakfast.  We would talk about what we were going to do for the day.  He'd usually go and run a couple of laps of motorcycle racing on his playstation and I would putter around the house.  Now it's so quiet and empty without him here. I am supposed to go to a baby shower today, but I called my sister in law and told her I just wasn't up for it today.  The truth is, the weekends are the only time I get to grieve.  I have to put on that "I'm ok face" everyday at work, and it's exhausting.  It's raining here this morning. The rain used to feel so comforting to me, but now it just makes me even sadder.  Gene and I used to lay in bed on mornings like this and listen to the rain falling on the leaves outside our window.  That's all changed now.  My life is turned upside down and my grief is so overwhelming.   It's almost pathetic, but my big accomplishment was making it through the grocery store yesterday.  I haven't been able to do it since Gene's passing.  My goal is to get to Walmart to stock up on some tissues, cause I'm going through them by leaps and bounds.  Maybe next week.  My second goal is to get ride of this "I'm feeling horrible" face.  That may take a little longer....