why therapy?

i feel that, if he and i are to remain together, we both need to participate in finding ways to communicate that are not blaming or spiteful or cruel. we both need to find a way to alter our behaviors when we are angry so that we recognize that we are responsible for our own feelings and can CONTROL these behaviors so that they are in the best interests of the relationship at least 90% of the time.
while group 12 step support sessions and meditation are a good means of helping oneself to improve confidence and inner peace, they do not provide the one-on-one kind of feedback that therapy provides, feedback which is tailored to specifically to help that individual improve in the areas that he feels need improvement. the questions and responses in therapy are direct, whereas 12 step meetings typically do not allow members to respond to one another. meditation is excellent for finding stability and mindfulness, but it is entirely within that one person, at least until that person becomes very adept at meditation and begins to explore.
it is my hope that with a therapist he will be exposed to suggestions on how he may change his responses toward me when he feels vulnerable or threatened or upset. it is also my hope that he has a strong desire to work on changing such behaviors, knowing that this change will be supportive of me and my own feelings when conflicts arise. for me this move is a presentation that he cares about how he treats me, and that he wants to do so with respect and kindness. as the situation stands, i feel little support or respect from him for my feelings when we have conflicts, particularly when i attempt to talk about them.
i am not going to make an ultimatum. i do not have the desire to tell him that if he does not seek therapy, i am going to leave him because i do not WANT to leave him. rather, i am only going to state what i believe will happen if i do not see this particular change occur from him:
the less support i receive for my feelings in a conflict, the less i will be willing to participate in them, and the more i will want to withdraw from such situations entirely. this is not something that i interpret as conflict-avoidant behavior, but simply conflict fatigue. i see no need to participate in something that feels bad if nothing good can come of it. additionally, i see no reason to participate in something that feels bad and exposes me to accusations on a regular basis. i am a wonderful and warm person and deserve my share of credit and understanding, in spite of my faults and the perceived wrongdoings that i commit.
i want to be treated better, and i want more respect and credit for what i do in this relationship. whether or not he feels about how he treats me during conflicts is his issue, and while i can respect his interpretation, i disagree. my issue is that i do not feel respected for the efforts i have put into keeping peace and showing concern for his feelings and wellbeing. therefore i am not going to allow myself to remain involved in conflicts that i feel are full of blame on me and are unproductive. i am going to remove myself from them, and hope that he does not interpret this behavior as a threat of abandonment. i am not sure what is gong to happen as a result, and what scares me is that this change may put such distance in the relationship that it will lead to our splitting up. this is not something that i want to have happen, because i do love him, and i truly do want us to be together.