Why is this journey so difficult?
So, it's been nearly 2 years since my son died. Just when I thougt I was doing OK, I started going through his things from his apartment. His calculus test (he got an A), and never got to tell me about it. The rest of his college grades were A's. His clothes still smelled like him. His backpack was full of his college books and binders. Going through his thinigs was like experiencing his death all over again. I couldn't control my sadness, and was overwhelmed again with deep grief over his death. I was distraught for 2 days straight. Losing a child is so powerful, and in these moments I feel so helpless and life feels so meaningless. I do have good news about my younger son. He got an academic scholarship to UNR (Reno,NV). He is a high functioning adult with autism. He is a wonderful son. He hates anything drug or alcohol related. He studies hard, and he works hard. I hope all of you are in a good/ok place. Love to you all
Chris
Replies
Absolutely, this journey is the hardest thing to stay on. This November will be 3 years since my daughter shed her earth suit and I have days that I am so emotional, or angry, or feeling such a deep sadness that I just don't know how I can take another breath.....Going through your son's things is one of the toughest things to do. All of those memories and smells come flooding in like a flood and it is draining on your heart and emotions. I had to clean out my daughter's duplex within 30 days of her death and looking back now, I don't know how I did it, other than the shock was definitely protecting me because otherwise I don't think I could have done it. I have many boxes still with me and every time I begin to go through them, I feel my emotions and just can't do it. You are so normal in your feelings and what you are going through.
I try now to just go with whatever it is I need to for the moment, day or days. My life is definitely changed, never to be the same again. It's my new normal (whatever that means, as sometimes I don't feel very normal).
It's great news about your son going to college. That's always a happy occasion and something to defintely be proud of!
I am with you on this journey - (((((hugs))))) Vicki
Yes, this journey is often very challenging. Going through your child's things would definitely bring emotions to the forefront! It took me a very long time to find my new normal, or perhaps my new normal keeps changing. It will be 7 years for us soon. The news regarding your other son is wonderful! These other aspects of life definitely help us get through the tougher times. Sending much love your way...Leda
There is absolutely nothing easy about this journey. I'm sure you were convinced that you were ready to go through your sons stuff. How are you / we to know the absolute impact until we are knee deep in it? However, as I found out after dealing with as much of Jason's stuff as I was able to, it was better for me to have accomplished something that had been weighing on me. It was ok. The tears and screams were ok too.
I am so proud of your younger son! I have custody of my almost 16 year old grandson who is very high functioning autistic. Actually, Lyam leans more to the aspergers end of the scale and he has been a life saver for me. In the early days / weeks and yes, years (I'm at 3 1/2 years now) I would be literally falling apart. He would ask me if I was sad because uncle Jay was dead to which I would answer yes. He would nod his head, wait a couple of seconds and ask what we were having for dinner. Talk about a reality check! I am really glad you accomplished something in going through your sons things. The more time goes on for me the more I am coming to terms with the rock solid fact that I have no control and when I least expect it, bam! like a sledgehammer!
Gentlest of hugs, Merrilee
It is the hardest path a mother can ever find herself on and none of us could truly understand this until we were here. Deepest of sighs... I sense you are doing your very best and doing what you did, sorting through belongings can feel gut wrenching. Our son had to be out of his apartment and our daughter, bless her heart packed up his belongings and brought them to our house. I felt every emotion as I sorted through these tangible objects of a life he had lived earth side and it was so very painful. I found I could do a little and then had to close the door and find my courage once again as I had used all I had for that day. Please only do what you can and know that you are experiencing what so many of us have and are.... Deepest of sighs.
Gentle care dear Chris, and your loss is still so very new. I truly cannot remember much of my life until after year three. One moment, day and step at a time is enough for now.
Heartfelt (((hugs))) of care and so much understanding and oh, how I wish I didn't understand. You are not alone and I'm grateful you could journal about how you are doing and feeling.
XO Joanie
I am adding my congratulations for your son. Way to go and I'm sure he'll do so very well with his college adventure. I have no doubt you are so very proud of him. :)
I understand my friend. Cleaning out my son's apartment after he died was one of the most difficult things I have ever done in my life. The reality really hits and hits hard. I am so sorry. Be very gentle on yourself and just know that this pain has again cut to your core. Take time to acknowledge how hard this is...all of it. Just know we are by your side. Much love, Linda
PS - almost forgot. Congratulations to your younger son! ♡
Kudos to your Son,, I hope he does well at College... I have a hard time going through Morgan's things,,, what memories,, they still and always will bring the tears...love and hugs to you....Nora
So understand the feelings and smells of what you just did...very hard cruising down memory lane,,,as if they just stepped out of the room. Understanding hugs.
Wonderful news about your other son...what an accomplishment.
Gentle care,.
AnnM
It has been 2 1/2 years for me and except for a few times poking around I have not been through all of her things. I am scared to and I hope a time will come when I am strong enough to do it, but I am not there yet.