Why Am I Afraid?

"Arlene" is here today and as usual,I'm fearful. In truth,I'm somewhat angry with myself because what she said wasn't even bad. It was something I'd blown all out of proportion in my mind. It's clear,to me,what the problem is,or part of what it is. I believed I was healed from Dad's emotional abuse,but it's clear that I'm not. Way underneath everything, it's still there,the pain,I mean. No one could ever make Dad happy and no one can make Arlene happy,either. I don't understand,myself,why this is such a big thing to me. I'm confused. Gail used to say that "self" was really ugly,and that God must come first so that self is obliterated and what God really wanted me to be is all that's left. That's why it confuses me when people talk about "self"-esteem. I don't want to "esteem" myself at all,I want to esteem Jesus and lift Him high because of the enormous sacrifice He made for me in laying down His life. If I do that,the fear will leave. I've neglected church attendance for some time,but I still read the Bible and I still pray. I don't even know why I stopped going to church. I think I'm afraid of the people there just like I'm afraid of Arlene. And I just keep going round and round in circles. I'm so tired of it,and angry. With myself,to some extent. With...