Who am I?

I keep asking myself, Who am I now?  Who am I without Gene?  My whole life was defined by our relationship, our hopes, our dreams together.  Now that I'm on my own I feel so lost.  How do I redefine my life?  I don't remember my life before Gene. I did everything because of and for him and our son.  Now it's just me and I find myself wondering around the house lost and alone.  I'm doing my best to keep busy and there's plenty to do.  Sometimes I just can't force myself to do anything and that's when I feel the worst.   Not much going on this weekend.  My sister invited me to a pool party today at her sister in law's house but I don't know that I'm going to go.  I'm still taking it moment by moment and not looking past the end of my nose because I never know when the grief will strike and I'm afraid it will dampen the spirit of whoever happens to be around me at the time.  I feel safe here at the house and comfortable being alone trying to work through all the emotions I'm feeling.   I'm doing ok today.  I didn't wake up crying for the first time in months.  I'm going to get some yard work done today.  I finally decided it was time to throw away the clothes Gene was wearing the day he died.  They sent them home with me from the hospital and they've been sitting in the corner of the bedroom since March.  I pulled them out of the bag last night to check all his pockets then decided it was time to let them go.  Another small step in this journey of grief.