What hurts the most, was being so close...

It really is what hurts the most. We were so close to 12 weeks, to announcing our pregnancy, to shouting from the rooftops. We were so happy we shared with family, family whose hearts we broke immediately after. People who didn't deserve that. I knew we should have waited and because of that, I feel guilty. I wanted to wait, and that thought makes me angry. I'm not too sure how fair it is for a counsellor in training to have to experience such an awful thing. I can't even process what my emotions are because my logical counsellor brain is using therapy to evaluate where my thoughts are coming from, how they're effecting my emotions, and how I need to change the thoughts. All I can do is have a thought and tell myself "no" before I even feel the emotions. I tell myself the thought is mean, the thought is hurtful. I wouldn't hold this thought about someone else in this situation, so why am I so cruel and unforgiving to myself? But how to I process the emotions of this travesty without allowing myself to feel the emotions, to hear the thoughts, to hurt. How is any of this okay?