Weds Aug 17th

Still feeling kind of blah today.  I know I didn't sleep well...and I know I was having some crazy dreams but any real send of what it was about is already gone before I can get it down on paper..or keyboard as the case may be.  Still, woke up feeling lonely...don't know if that has anything to do with what I was dreaming or not.  I went to sleep thinking about that person I used to be...that crazy funny tough girl.  when people look at the old pictures of me and Blaze...do they know they both died?  Maybe it is because summer is coming to an end and I know winter will be coming.  Not sure.  But then I realize I just thanked someone for making me laugh...and thought why can't the one who supposed to love me above all make me laugh instead of being being pissy...oh that's right...he can't even stand to sleep in the same room with me.
OK...all this whining is only sending me on my way to anxiety...screw that. The past is gone and I cannot get it back.  I think I should go back to writing my perfect boyfriend want ad.
Wanted: Full time boyfriend
Licensed massage therapist preferred
Must hate alcohol and actually enjoy affection. 
I crack myself up.